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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant and split from partner

23 replies

babycandy · 27/05/2024 16:26

I’m 14 weeks pregnant and I split up with my partner last night.

im currently unwell with hives from my neck to my ankles.

Why did I split with him? I realised that this man never factors in my feelings at all.

He cheated on me earlier in the relationship by taking a woman from Plenty Of Fish out on a date. He's never once took me on a date, and he didn’t say sorry to me for this. Just reasons why he did what he did which were that he did nothing wrong.

It was me that told him that he needs to apologise to the woman as she thought he was single. He didn’t offer so much as a sorry to me.

Fast forward and I recently had my 40th. Didn’t buy me a present nor do anything for my birthday. I had to ask him to take me for dinner, and I paid half of it.

More currently, I’m unwell and had agreed to meet him for lunch and I drove out of my way after a morning at work and he left me sitting for two hours before arriving and telling me that him and his colleague went elsewhere and had lunch. No call, no message, no nothing.

Later that day, I drove the 30 mile round trip to get him from work. By this point me and my son were exhausted from our day and he didn’t show up so I drove off. He eventually turned up 45 minutes late as I got a missed call to see where I was.

Other things he had said were things like “don’t you ever shut the fuck up in bed?” When we were having sex.

Looking up women selling dresses on Facebook Marketplace and screenshotting crotches and saving them on his phone.

I split up from him and he showed no emotion at all, and the first thing he did was put a humiliating post up on Facebook about me dumping him.

I haven’t even told my family or friends by this point, and he’s broadcast it in the worst possible way to our work colleagues, friends and family.

Now I’m 14 weeks, ill and can’t stop crying because I really loved him but I felt like he was taking away any self confidence I had.

Im scared of being 40, pregnant and alone. Please can someone give me reassurance on my dire situation please x
OP posts:
I’m 14 weeks pregnant and I split up with my partner last night.

im currently unwell with hives from my neck to my ankles.

Why did I split with him? I realised that this man never factors in my feelings at all.

He cheated on me earlier in the relationship by taking a woman from Plenty Of Fish out on a date. He's never once took me on a date, and he didn’t say sorry to me for this. Just reasons why he did what he did which were that he did nothing wrong.

It was me that told him that he needs to apologise to the woman as she thought he was single. He didn’t offer so much as a sorry to me.

Fast forward and I recently had my 40th. Didn’t buy me a present nor do anything for my birthday. I had to ask him to take me for dinner, and I paid half of it.

More currently, I’m unwell and had agreed to meet him for lunch and I drove out of my way after a morning at work and he left me sitting for two hours before arriving and telling me that him and his colleague went elsewhere and had lunch. No call, no message, no nothing.

Later that day, I drove the 30 mile round trip to get him from work. By this point me and my son were exhausted from our day and he didn’t show up so I drove off. He eventually turned up 45 minutes late as I got a missed call to see where I was.

Other things he had said were things like “don’t you ever shut the fuck up in bed?” When we were having sex.

Looking up women selling dresses on Facebook Marketplace and screenshotting crotches and saving them on his phone.

I split up from him and he showed no emotion at all, and the first thing he did was put a humiliating post up on Facebook about me dumping him.

I haven’t even told my family or friends by this point, and he’s broadcast it in the worst possible way to our work colleagues, friends and family.

Now I’m 14 weeks, ill and can’t stop crying because I really loved him but I felt like he was taking away any self confidence I had.

Im scared of being 40, pregnant and alone. Please can someone give me reassurance on my dire situation please x

OP posts:
Maysm · 27/05/2024 16:38

I'm sorry this has happened to you. If I'm honest you sound better of without him, you deserve better and being on your own is scary when you think about it. But i was in a 10 year relationship married 4 i ended up on my own with 2 kids and without a house I'm oki i done it 😁. I know you are probably scared but your a strong powerful women and you can do this and you will be ok, always accept help from family and loved ones its ok not to be ok and it's ok to ask for help. He doesn't sound worthy of you love and respect shouldn't be asked for.

babycandy · 27/05/2024 17:07

Sorry for the duplication in the post! I originally posted in pregnancy and couldn’t see how to move it to here.

And now I can let see how to edit that one x

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 27/05/2024 18:51

Do you want the baby, did you plan for it? Sorry to be brutal, but I don’t see him being dad of the year and supportive and do you want to be tied to him forever? Not that I think he’ll be there for the baby.

alittlebitofwhatyoufancy21 · 27/05/2024 18:53

Jesus he's sounds a total prick.
Good riddance

category12 · 27/05/2024 19:09

You did right to dump him.

babycandy · 27/05/2024 19:47

Cherrysoup · 27/05/2024 18:51

Do you want the baby, did you plan for it? Sorry to be brutal, but I don’t see him being dad of the year and supportive and do you want to be tied to him forever? Not that I think he’ll be there for the baby.

Yes, I very much want the baby and so does he apparently.

Im petrified and I know for a fact he’s not going to be Father of the Year no matter how much I will it.

He’s still thinking he’s the hard done by party here. I keep hoping he will show empathy or remorse but he’s incapable of it.

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 27/05/2024 19:49

I think you’re better of without him. Pity he’s the father of your child. I suspect he’ll get bored of it in time (or quickly) and let you get on with raising them.

babycandy · 27/05/2024 19:52

ACynicalDad · 27/05/2024 19:49

I think you’re better of without him. Pity he’s the father of your child. I suspect he’ll get bored of it in time (or quickly) and let you get on with raising them.

Thanks. He will be 54 once the baby is born so I think he will struggle immensely having a child every weekend as he claims he would like.

I can hear the excuses already.

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 27/05/2024 19:59

babycandy · 27/05/2024 19:52

Thanks. He will be 54 once the baby is born so I think he will struggle immensely having a child every weekend as he claims he would like.

I can hear the excuses already.

Hope you get decent maintenance.

babycandy · 27/05/2024 20:05

ACynicalDad · 27/05/2024 19:59

Hope you get decent maintenance.

Not likely. He works a minimum wage job x

OP posts:
PussInBin20 · 27/05/2024 20:23

You loved him? Please tell me what you loved about him because from what you’ve said, I just don’t get how.

And why on earth did you get pregnant?

babycandy · 27/05/2024 20:30

PussInBin20 · 27/05/2024 20:23

You loved him? Please tell me what you loved about him because from what you’ve said, I just don’t get how.

And why on earth did you get pregnant?

I really do, I still do. He is great in other ways… helps with house stuff and things like that.

I think low self esteem comes into play here, and the fact we began as friends and he seemed wonderful.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 27/05/2024 20:34

Right, well so given all he did from the start, why on earth did you end up loving him, then become pregnant? He's never taken you out on a date, so you've just entertained him at your house? Have you been to where he lives? How well do you know him? You've not given us 1 redeeming feature and he's in a minimum wage job at 54. I'm guessing you provided far more than he ever did or could. Not too sure about the driving your son with you all day to meet a man who then doesn't turn up, how old is your DS? I wonder why the first time he was ever late to meet you, was not the last time? You've pu up with a lot.
Anyway, good you've got rid now. Take a breath, withdraw from the drama, you might as well block him on SM, it's not helpful to see his posts. How entwined is he with your life? Why does he have your work colleagues as FB friends, or is he tagging you so they can follow what he says? Blocking him should sort that.
He knows where you are if he's of a mind to touch base, but you don't need to be chasing him, that's up to him. Just concentrate on keeping well, the hives are possibly stress related, might improve by keeping him gone.

Steakandwine · 27/05/2024 20:41

First of all sending you a virtual hug this can't be easy as it is let alone being pregnant. You probably feel vulnerable right now, but please for your sake don't get back with this man. He's disgusting.
Youre in love with the person you thought he was so keep this in mind whenever you doubt yourself. Keep remembering his behaviour taking screenshot of girls that are selling outfits for gods sake what an absolute pervert!

Good on you for dumping him!! Although i agree with the others about him not taking you out on a date but a woman he cheated with from a lof site but too late for that now.

It's about you and your baby now I hope you've got a good support network. Surround yourself with those that love you

babycandy · 27/05/2024 20:42

Opentooffers · 27/05/2024 20:34

Right, well so given all he did from the start, why on earth did you end up loving him, then become pregnant? He's never taken you out on a date, so you've just entertained him at your house? Have you been to where he lives? How well do you know him? You've not given us 1 redeeming feature and he's in a minimum wage job at 54. I'm guessing you provided far more than he ever did or could. Not too sure about the driving your son with you all day to meet a man who then doesn't turn up, how old is your DS? I wonder why the first time he was ever late to meet you, was not the last time? You've pu up with a lot.
Anyway, good you've got rid now. Take a breath, withdraw from the drama, you might as well block him on SM, it's not helpful to see his posts. How entwined is he with your life? Why does he have your work colleagues as FB friends, or is he tagging you so they can follow what he says? Blocking him should sort that.
He knows where you are if he's of a mind to touch base, but you don't need to be chasing him, that's up to him. Just concentrate on keeping well, the hives are possibly stress related, might improve by keeping him gone.

This is what I need to hear.

We work together, started as colleagues, then friends and then got together.

Thankfully we hadn’t moved in with each other yet. He genuinely seemed lovely to begin with, albeit odd. I can be odd too.

As for my son, he’s 10 and I had picked him up from after school club and then went to collect my now ex. He wasn’t there earlier when I was meeting him for lunch.

To be honest, I gave him so many chances because I thought it was me. I thought I was harsh, irrational, defensive and the rest of it and I did love him.

OP posts:
justfindingmyway · 27/05/2024 20:46

babycandy · 27/05/2024 16:26

I’m 14 weeks pregnant and I split up with my partner last night.

im currently unwell with hives from my neck to my ankles.

Why did I split with him? I realised that this man never factors in my feelings at all.

He cheated on me earlier in the relationship by taking a woman from Plenty Of Fish out on a date. He's never once took me on a date, and he didn’t say sorry to me for this. Just reasons why he did what he did which were that he did nothing wrong.

It was me that told him that he needs to apologise to the woman as she thought he was single. He didn’t offer so much as a sorry to me.

Fast forward and I recently had my 40th. Didn’t buy me a present nor do anything for my birthday. I had to ask him to take me for dinner, and I paid half of it.

More currently, I’m unwell and had agreed to meet him for lunch and I drove out of my way after a morning at work and he left me sitting for two hours before arriving and telling me that him and his colleague went elsewhere and had lunch. No call, no message, no nothing.

Later that day, I drove the 30 mile round trip to get him from work. By this point me and my son were exhausted from our day and he didn’t show up so I drove off. He eventually turned up 45 minutes late as I got a missed call to see where I was.

Other things he had said were things like “don’t you ever shut the fuck up in bed?” When we were having sex.

Looking up women selling dresses on Facebook Marketplace and screenshotting crotches and saving them on his phone.

I split up from him and he showed no emotion at all, and the first thing he did was put a humiliating post up on Facebook about me dumping him.

I haven’t even told my family or friends by this point, and he’s broadcast it in the worst possible way to our work colleagues, friends and family.

Now I’m 14 weeks, ill and can’t stop crying because I really loved him but I felt like he was taking away any self confidence I had.

Im scared of being 40, pregnant and alone. Please can someone give me reassurance on my dire situation please x
OP posts:
I’m 14 weeks pregnant and I split up with my partner last night.

im currently unwell with hives from my neck to my ankles.

Why did I split with him? I realised that this man never factors in my feelings at all.

He cheated on me earlier in the relationship by taking a woman from Plenty Of Fish out on a date. He's never once took me on a date, and he didn’t say sorry to me for this. Just reasons why he did what he did which were that he did nothing wrong.

It was me that told him that he needs to apologise to the woman as she thought he was single. He didn’t offer so much as a sorry to me.

Fast forward and I recently had my 40th. Didn’t buy me a present nor do anything for my birthday. I had to ask him to take me for dinner, and I paid half of it.

More currently, I’m unwell and had agreed to meet him for lunch and I drove out of my way after a morning at work and he left me sitting for two hours before arriving and telling me that him and his colleague went elsewhere and had lunch. No call, no message, no nothing.

Later that day, I drove the 30 mile round trip to get him from work. By this point me and my son were exhausted from our day and he didn’t show up so I drove off. He eventually turned up 45 minutes late as I got a missed call to see where I was.

Other things he had said were things like “don’t you ever shut the fuck up in bed?” When we were having sex.

Looking up women selling dresses on Facebook Marketplace and screenshotting crotches and saving them on his phone.

I split up from him and he showed no emotion at all, and the first thing he did was put a humiliating post up on Facebook about me dumping him.

I haven’t even told my family or friends by this point, and he’s broadcast it in the worst possible way to our work colleagues, friends and family.

Now I’m 14 weeks, ill and can’t stop crying because I really loved him but I felt like he was taking away any self confidence I had.

Im scared of being 40, pregnant and alone. Please can someone give me reassurance on my dire situation please x

So sorry to hear your having a tough time. Are you coping and able to look after your health during your pregnancy? Have you got plenty of support around you?

I wonder if self esteem comes into it also. I wish I had advice for you because I’m in a similar boat myself, struggling to muster up the strength to find that ‘f*ck you’ attitude towards someone who has emotionally abused me since 2018.

I wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, if that helps at all. Sending you strength and solidarity xxx

Steakandwine · 27/05/2024 20:55

POF NOT LOF bloody phone. I agree that self esteem does come into it. Not to be harsh as I've gone out with some idiots myself that you know they are a player (well try to be) you think you can change them. They do love you etc. I just think if a guy really is into you, you know and all this behaviour and at his age at 54 this is who he is. (knob head) It's up to you if you want to be treated this way but i don't think you do. You have to think about your children too in all of this

babycandy · 27/05/2024 20:55

justfindingmyway · 27/05/2024 20:46

So sorry to hear your having a tough time. Are you coping and able to look after your health during your pregnancy? Have you got plenty of support around you?

I wonder if self esteem comes into it also. I wish I had advice for you because I’m in a similar boat myself, struggling to muster up the strength to find that ‘f*ck you’ attitude towards someone who has emotionally abused me since 2018.

I wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, if that helps at all. Sending you strength and solidarity xxx

Thanks. I guess I’m just taking each day as it comes.

Whilst I know I’m in pain just now, I know that staying with him would hurt more in the long run x

OP posts:
babycandy · 27/05/2024 20:57

Steakandwine · 27/05/2024 20:55

POF NOT LOF bloody phone. I agree that self esteem does come into it. Not to be harsh as I've gone out with some idiots myself that you know they are a player (well try to be) you think you can change them. They do love you etc. I just think if a guy really is into you, you know and all this behaviour and at his age at 54 this is who he is. (knob head) It's up to you if you want to be treated this way but i don't think you do. You have to think about your children too in all of this

Edited

I know. The thing is he is wonderful with my son and this has played a big part in me staying with him.

Having said that, looking at his behaviour in black and white… do I want my son around that?!

OP posts:
justfindingmyway · 27/05/2024 20:58

babycandy · 27/05/2024 20:55

Thanks. I guess I’m just taking each day as it comes.

Whilst I know I’m in pain just now, I know that staying with him would hurt more in the long run x

It’s good you are aware of this and accept it. You have enough self-preservation to not want that life. He hasn’t broken you down to that point and you took control. That’s admirable

Steakandwine · 27/05/2024 21:01

babycandy · 27/05/2024 20:57

I know. The thing is he is wonderful with my son and this has played a big part in me staying with him.

Having said that, looking at his behaviour in black and white… do I want my son around that?!

But he's not good to you is he Sad to say but he could be playing this good 'father act ' just to keep you around.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/05/2024 21:11

I'm so sorry. My ex left me at 8m pregnant - I should have been brave like you and left him much sooner as he was just as nasty as yours.

You will be a great mum and you'll enjoy your baby. Don't put him on the birth certificate and give baby your last name (but be prepared that he might take you to court for them).

babycandy · 27/05/2024 21:17

Steakandwine · 27/05/2024 21:01

But he's not good to you is he Sad to say but he could be playing this good 'father act ' just to keep you around.

I know. I will get through this :) Thank for your input x

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