Went on bfs email and seen swingers site

[Maysm]

I borrowed my bfs computer and there is emails from swinging sites we moved in oct and it said our new address we have been together 3 years. So i made a account viewed his profile no pic but all details about him were correct height hair colour eyes star sign. So i Asked him said he hasnt been on there never heard of it ! There your bloody emails the account name was the same on the emails but you have never made a account? Need some advice on how to handle this.

He’s telling lies. Not sure what adult site would need your address. Most just need a credit card .

Spam emails don’t magic up a profile with your exact details.

Yep he’s lying.

from experience

You are lucky you have only been together for 3 years and even luckier that you are not married and you can move out.
I would look for a new place to stay. Not even wait for him to move out. Lucky you don’t have a mortgage, just leave him. What a tw@t.

He's lying and you know it

Did the account miraculously make itself? Oh don't tell me, one of his mates did it for a laugh...

100% lying.

He's lying, OP. I also suspect that is the tip of the iceberg, there'll be other profiles elsewhere.

(but you know that already)

Advice? leave, don't waste your time.

He said he doesn't even know anything about the site never heard of it so i off course sent screenshots turns out tried to swear on our 4 month old life. So now im thinking what to do mext financially im still on mat leave pay. @FionaBeee

Can I ask which site it is?

We just had a baby 4 months ago i already have 2 from my previous relationship so now im thinking save as much as i can in the next few weeks to pay all the bills .@Rania78

Yep he's lying. Went through exactly the same. He carried on even after we were married/had kids. Do yourself a favour and get out.

@Hoosemover it was the loaction of our town sorry very small town

Oh god I'm sorry OP. I'd leave and rinse him dry for all the cash you can get. Best of luck.

you need to be firm with him and find out what exactly he got up to. Don’t let him gaslight you.

Swingers tend to not like men who cheat, although there are the exceptions.

We have spoken about this stuff once before it was on a film so i asked if he would he said how disgusting it was but his profile stated men and women bi men trans men so this shocked me even more @Hoosemover

Do you have any friends/family/support that you can lean on? Are you able to get any space from the issue, i.e. a few days away, so you can gather your thoughts?

@FionaBeee yes loads of support amazing family. But I dont want a few days away mentally i made my decision just wanted to see if i was being rational

Sounds like he has gone down a bit of a porn rabbit-hole tbh.

He can god damn stay down that rabbit hole. Im a strong minded women and he will not god damn change me one bit. but i wanted to share this to see if i was being over the top ! I see these post's all the time saying am i being over the top but Noooo it's not ok to be deceived and hurt by men or women no matter how much it will hurt life goes on ! I will make a plan and be better off on my own anyway. @Hoosemover

100% rational.

In that case, it's just the practicalities. Get your ducks in a row, sort your finances, plan to extricate yourself. It doesn't have to be immediate if that isn't possible, you can just set the plan in motion and work towards it being finished.

💐hugs to you OP, horrid place to be, but its all on him.

Thank you so much for your response 😊 mean a lot @FionaBeee

This. You are definitely not being OTT. Sort out your finances.

Oohhh…so sorry OP. Didn’t realise. What a massive tw@t. Why men do this once their wives have a baby? I suspect it’s because they think they have trapped them? My God. So sorry. What a horrible excuse of a man.

this sounds a lots worst. If it had been only couples and women then he probably won’t have got very far. Definitely need to have that talk and I would be expecting the worst.

My now exh used fab swingers our whole marriage. Always promised he’d change. He didn’t.

he’s just done the same to his now ex gf who he met whilst we were still married

get out now. X

100% it's the rational decision. Thank you for seeing that so clearly. I hope you get your financials worked out ASAP. Having to be there with him every day must be horrendous.

Use your anger, but do it wisely. Don't waste it arguing; you already know he'll just lie/minimize. Use it to keep yourself strong, focused, and moving forward. I wouldn't discuss the emails or leaving at all- not until you're already out the door.

2 other things:

Cheaters don't hesitate to swear on the life of a child. I see it on threads all the time.

And as much as I hate to make you feel worse, STI tests right away.