2years since i found out partner was messaging random women.

[T52227]

I found out nearly two years ago when i came across a deleted screenshot of naked women in the recently deleted folder on our ipad(for clarification i was making space on the ipad and up until that point i thought we were one of the lucky ones with an honest trustworthy relationship) i was obviously very hurt to find the screenshot and i was originally fed the rubbish line of i dont know how that got there i have never seen it before. I then obviously looked deeper and found there was more on all the social media he used. Before this, i was strong and would have walked instantly with my self respect still intact. But i came to the conclusion that as it was only like two or three messages to each one and never the same one again that at least it wasnt anything meaningful that i would try my best to move forwards and not throw away what we had(although my brain has written off all of the memories now as i do not feel like they were real) on the understanding it never happens again. I never told anyone. Its so hard. I cant shake the feelings of is he stuck with me, does he want me, id rather he just left me if he doesnt than to make a fool of me. I hate the person i have become and really want to be able to trust in us again. I dont understand it though, we were happy, no problems. Im a mess now though. He claims to want things to go back to what they were. But all i keep thinking is what we were was not good enough or he wouldnt have messaged others. I dont really know why im posting this, i know what most peoples opinions will be. If i thought walking away was the right option id have done it. I know it will take time but i thought it would have got easier now. I trust him with my life, but not with my heart. Its not something i will ever forgive i dont think. Im pretty sure hes done nothing since. I want to be able to trust again. Has anyone else stayed with their cheating partner? Yes in my eyes it is cheating. Its deceitful and heart breaking. I can honestly say i could never do it. I hate what people use social media. Its full of so much rubbish, yet people are too stupid to see how fake it all is.

A year ago, I ended up making my cheating X leave, because I couldn't live with someone who was so disloyal to me and so dishonest. I couldn't trust him and I didn't like him as a person anymore, although I thought I still loved him- it was painful and extremely difficult but I felt good about myself for refusing to tolerate his abuse of me- yes, cheating is now considered by many relationship and DV workers to be a form of abuse. He's done nothing since that hasn't just reinforced that I did the right thing and I have no warm fluffy feelings left for him anymore plus I have far more time and energy for myself and life is so much more peaceful.
I don't think there are many couples who go on to have healthy, faithful relationships after cheating. I'd suggest you check out the Chump Lady website and also seek some counselling or therapy for yourself, to help you talk things through in detail and work out what is your best course of action, what is best for your long term wellbeing!
Do NOT, whatever you do, go to couples counselling with him! He will likely make himself out to be a victim and most marriage/relationship counsellors seem to want to just save the marriage, even if it's at the expense of the wellbeing of it's participants, especially betrayed spouses, whom they seem to join in with the betrayer in implying they are to blame! That's the last thing you need!
I'm so sorry I couldn't give you hope, but it'd have been false hope. I'm so sorry he's done this to you! You deserve SO much better!

My 'D'H cheated (emotional & physical), almost 10 years ago now, I was desperate to save our relationship. I stuffed all my feelings down (before I found Mumsnet, who would have quite rightly told me I was an idiot!) but the trust had been totally shattered into a million pieces.
We staggered on for a few more years, but I turned into a person I simply didn't recognise anymore. I was paranoid, my self-worth was rock bottom, I trusted him with day-to-day stuff, but I couldn't ever trust him again.
I felt like I was living in an alternate reality, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Which it did, horrendously, in a way far worse than the original betrayal but thats a tangent that isn't relevant here...) but my point is, if you are feeling this bad then please, please, look out for yourself first - and faster than I did!
In the end, it really came down to 'its me or him'. It HAS to be YOU.
I like the smashed plate analogy; a smashed plate can be glued back together, and it can still be a plate, but it'll never be the shiny plate that you first had - it'll have glue marks, chips, and shards missing. You deserve the showroom-fresh plate.
I finally divorced my H, and now I just feel sadness for the past me and how awful those years were, and regret the time I spent feeling worthless and 'not enough' when I couldn't believe enough in myself to think I had a choice.

tldr: Don't be me - if you aren't happy, don't waste precious years, actively choose to be happy long-term, despite the short-term pain.