Intimacy post 60

[Littleferns]

This is aimed at you ladies approaching and over 60.
Is it normal for the intimate side of a relationship to dwindle at 60ish?
i have been with my DP for ten years. We are both about to turn 60. For various reasons we don’t live together and this actually suits us both so isn’t an issue. But in the last year our sex Life is just dwindling away. We used to have a healthy sex life making love most weekends. Now we can go weeks without making love and it’s always me that initiates it. Most times now he makes it clear if I do he’s not interested and I am left feeling frustrated and rejected and I’m starting to not even try.
I’m just wondering if I’m expecting too much. I
am getting to the point where I feel like I’m not desired and it’s affecting my self esteem.
i am definitely sure there’s no OW/affair and I know he loves me, this is demonstrated by so many of his actions. Do I just need to accept now that this part of my life is coming to a natural end and accept it?
I wouldn’t be interested in leaving him or an affair so if I’m being unrealistic expecting a physical relationship then I will just have to get on with it and learn to manage my sadness.

I hope it's not normal.

I think you need to have a chat about whether he's having ED issues or health problems that are affecting him. If he's had any changes in medication that might also affect him.

Is it the urge that's gone awol or the body that's the problem, basically?

It's true I would expect some sort of age related decline, but not necessarily interest - more frequency/strength of election and doing other things. Dp is 58 and his enthusiasm hasn't changed.

I agree with @category12's approach

I did wonder if it was a physical issue? It just feels difficult to approach really.
he’s always been a bit of a ladies man in his past and I think he would find it difficult if it was ED. He isn’t on medication but did start smoking again about a year ago. Would smoking cause this issue. (I hate him smoking and I have no idea why he decided to start again after 15 years! )

Smoking won't do anything positive for his health tbh

A lot of men suffer from a slow drop off in libido as they age and also may suffer from ED, so could be either or both really 🤔

smoking is really bad in general but in particular causes the blood vessels to constrict and the blood vessels to the penis are narrower than a human hair so any blood supply issue is going to be a problem

There could be a number of reasons. As men get older their physical body changes. Prostate gets larger, hormone imbalances, strength and energy levels decline. And of course any psychological issues surrounding any of the above.
IMO a visit to the GP for routine tests is always advisable.

munchyseeds I couldn’t agree more. My job involves dealing with people who have damaged their health through smoking! I absolutely hate it . But he is insisting I’m over reacting …. For an intelligent man he’s so ignorant over this.
mrandmrsrobinson I wish he would go to the GP but he never ever goes over anything ! Probably last time was 30+ years ago!!
i am beginning to wonder if it is a physical issue on his part though !

There’s a big difference between wanting to be but not being able to and just not wanting to, if the intimacy has really gone , it’s probably worth trying to see if there’s a reason