How to contact suspected ow

[ohflipflop]

Approaching retirement with dh & planning together what that will look like.
I can’t get rid of uncomfortable feeling & suspicions. Maybe menopause related but looking back I wasn’t as switched on as I might have been a couple of years ago. Dh certainly withdrew & I suspected ow who he worked with. He often worked in another part of uk, overnights and closely with her outsourcing some work.
I’ve never felt reassured and more that I was ridic for suspicion.
Id like to contact her. My worst case view is something between them ended because of complications with our children that arose and he thought again.
How could I approach anonymously to best effect. I know she’s religious and had hoped just for honest disclosure.
Sure this sound pathetic but any thoughts on how I could get some confession if there is one to be got.
Please no replies about trust issues. I’m fully aware the fact I’m questioning is red flag enough. I just would like something tangible to base thinking to.

What difference would it make? Are you thinking of ending it, if not then I don’t see the point. She may well lie to you if she has a DH.

Won't it be obvious it's you, even if you try to be anonymous? After all, who else is going to care enough to ask?

I think just go ahead and ask as you, if you're going to. If she tells your dh an anonymous person asked her this, he's going to think it's you anyway.

And she's probably less likely to respond to someone anonymous.

Don't do this. It's not on. Either ask her and let her know who you are or ask your husband.

So your go to is a woman who worked with your DH and not him. You have no right to anonymously contact and accuse someone. You have no idea of what pain and hurt you may cause. Why does a potentially innocent person get treatment less than the person who would be the cheater.

Not to mention it will be bloody obvious to her it is you if she had the affair. Which would then logically she will tell him.

She owes you nothing, ask your DH.

If they did have an affair, she will tell you to get bent.

If they didn't have an affair and she was just doing her job, it's a seriously shit thing to do to land her with all your insecurities and accusations.

Talk to your own husband.

All good points well made!
Just mornings angst. I clearly need to have a good word with myself &/or Dh 🤔

Leave it alone, for the sake of your MH.