How long did it take you to get over your husband leaving you for OW?

[blondieblonde2021]

I'm a few years down the line and although I despise the ex, I have to admit that it still eats away at me that he left me (and what I thought was a good marriage) for a women he'd only known for 3 months. I accept that clearly he wasn't happen but the rejection still hits hard every now and again.
Anyone else?

I'm a year down the line and I'm mostly over it. I didn't find out about the OW immediately (although I always had my suspicions). Our relationship was awful for a long time beforehand and neither of us was happy, so it wasn't a huge shock for me when he left. My ex wasn't the right person for me and I wasn't the right person for him either. I had therapy in the immediate aftermath of the split which helped. I'm happier on my own than I ever was with him. I suppose it's harder if it was a shock or unexpected.

We’d only been married for 13 months when my ex began the affair that ended our marriage. I met my new husband very soon after, purely by chance, my ex found out, and spent literally years grovelling and trying to get me back. So I can’t have been that bad!

But yes, the rejection is just awful. And humiliating.

It took me a good five years but they made my life an absolute misery. They were both abusive to me and enjoyed causing me pain. I'm deeply scarred and will never go near a man again.

@TheFormidableMrsC that sounds horrific. I mean, why feel the need for such cruelty. I hope you can recognise it as total character failure on their part and not at all a reflection on you.

It took me about three years to stop dwelling on my stbxh's first affair.

When I found out about all the others - and pieced it all together - post separation, I was shocked by how many there were and how actually blatant he'd been - I wasn't at all heartbroken. Rather I was staggered and disgusted.

Mind you, I still have dreams where he tells me he's going away for a weekend for "language training" or some such nonsense and it still rattles me when I wake up. I think it's my subconscious reminding me he is not and never will be my friend and also to exercise huge caution around any men I may meet in the future.

However, was his violence and verbal abuse that has shattered me. I cannot imagine ever being with a man that is a positive experience. So he's ruined that for me too.

It took me years to get over the pain, I’m just angry now. I’ve completely disconnected myself from him or his family (all toxic tbh) and I’m much happier for it.

Honestly... about 5 minutes.... but our marriage had been dead for years and I'd checked out emotionally and physically long before.

It was actually a relief when he left as l was so unhappy.

I'd say I'm only decently free of it (and I did the official leaving, he was apparently happy to sneak around with whoever took his fancy that day) - I had to be out the other side of the legal stuff before I really felt free.

I'd say the anger persisted for about a year though, before it turned into proper distain.

Well, in my case it was a bit different in that he desperately wanted me to stay, but I ended it in the light of his affair (not his first I am almost certain - but this one was quite obvious, public and humiliating so I left).

He is still with the woman now four years down the line, tho will not live with her let alone marry her and regularly cheats on her.

Frankly I struggle to see how she can endure all these years of humiliation. Perhaps she feels it's karma?

Anyway, I got over it very quickly by moving on to another relationship - not a great choice in many ways as that also failed, but it did at least totally taken my mind off him!

Sorry, more than four years, 6 I think. Yet he won't commit to her. Karma.....

Not long at all, l was quite checked out in the end. I still chuckle at her having to deal with his enmeshed batshit family. He didn’t get an upgrade from the OW but they often don’t lm younger, slimmer, taller, more attractive and way better educated. So he might have some buyers remorse as well!

It took just over two years of trying again (at times) before I realised I didn't want to be with him.
He had asked to come back, I needed to be sure that I would have no regrets in saying no.
After about two years. I could be more detached, could see how he treat me & his OW.
I heard how he talked about her.

The final nail, was when, after a long holiday I returned and he asked if he could move back in.
I asked ‘so tell me when you last slept with OW’ and he responded with ‘oh don't ask me that, it always comes back to that’ (no shit Sherlock!).

I asked how come you slept with her, if you want to be here? - and he answered with ‘it was on offer’ EUHHH!
And that was it, done! I can remember thinking ‘why would I ever want a man like him, I am far better than that’.

Once he knew I didn't want him, the next 10 years were horrific. That was about his controlling personality and selfishness though. He could not deal with losing control.
He said ‘no one will tell me when and where I can see my own children’ and made our lives hell.
He hated that he had a responsibility to care for his children, he hated having to pay maintenance (hardly ever), he hated that he had to give up his time for them.

Things have only calmed as the DC’s have got older, can get public transport to him and don't need him to pick them up. It has created a distance as he doesn't need to come to my town to pick them up. They can be left alone when they see him.
He has mellowed and overtime has stopped treating me as if I was the one who had the affair.

It was astounding to be honest. Her husband had been killed literally a couple of months previously and she was so entitled. Was absolutely stunned that I reacted so badly to their affair and that I wouldn't hand my 2 year old over to them either. I mean "she deserved happiness" as she told my brother and I was inconveniently standing in her way. The things they put me through defy belief including when I was diagnosed with cancer and they applied to the court to see my medical records in case they had to have son "when my treatment failed". I had years and years and years of horror. I don't know how I got through it. It was pure violence. Ex dumped our son and hasn't seen him since. They moved from the south to Scotland. I still have a file full of horrific emails from her, so cruel and deeply hurtful. I hope they're very happy because that would be the only "good" thing that came out of it. It's a much longer story.

@TheFormidableMrsC I get what you mean about ‘standing in their way.’ When my ex met the OW, they were both furious at me for being an obstacle to their togetherness, it defied logic. I think I was supposed to apologise for being ‘wife’ then fade away quickly and quietly. Ex was also enraged I was entitled to 50% of our finances.

Depends what you mean by get over....stop having recurring nightmares where I physically harm her, about a year. Feel nothing particular (no fight or flight) when going through old photos and find a wedding one, about 20 years.

Yes the joint rage and anger to me was astonishing. Went on for years. Very harmful. They are still notionally together although recently she has moved a few hundred miles away and bought her own house. I guess the enormous engagement ring he bought her when we were going through divorce proceedings just didn't really mean very much.

My ex fiance left me for a colleague and it took
Me about 5 years really. Not till I fell in love again.

I was talking to a friend today who said his dad left him mum forty years ago and the dads child from his second marriage has just had a baby- my friend said his mum said how much it hurt her as it should be her grandchild being born. Don't be like this lady letting your whole life be stolen, please get counselling!

Bout 5 minutes.

Honestly very quickly.

I thought it would take a lot longer and I'd be moping but when I found out my bf (obviously now ex) was sleeping with my sister it was like an instant switch had gone off and I stopped moping. I think I might have actually laughed. She's as rough as old boots, has several convictions for drugs, stalking and assault and is generally not a nice person so when I found out he's slept with her it was enough for me to move on instantly because if he could ruin a relationship for that wreck of a human being then he really wasn't worth it.

I still don't speak to my sister but I met my now husband not long after so it worked out well for me in the end.

Yes I hear you. I remember being sat in front of the mediator and her telling him how it was likely to work out. Our child was disabled and I had had to give up work. He screwed up the cheque he'd written for the session and threw it in her face, said I wouldn't get any maintenance out of him as I wasn't "his problem" anymore because he had a new family and stomped out. I absolutely wiped him in court.