New to OLD where should I begin

[randomnamechange2024]

After a long term relationship of 20 yrs, I've been quickly catapulted into our new dating world.
I met my ex at school, teenage sweethearts... Now I'm seeing life isn't like that anymore, you don't just go out and meet someone anymore, everyone tells me I've to try online dating. I'm actually petrified.
I wouldn't have great confidence, esp for one night stands etc. I would like to meet someone I click with rather than a hook up. I'm not a person for hook ups
I'm looking some advice on the better dating sites, been told tinder is just hook ups.
Need some advice on how to work out what men are creeps and who is actually interested in trying something. This is all so new to me at 38 😢 am I just destined to meet assholes on it

Imo bumble is best. Just think of it as fun. Over the next few weeks some good chats, meet for drinks and take it from there. Don’t set expectations good or bad, just go with it and see what happens. They may all be dicks or you may meet someone great.

I really recommend reading lalala let me explains book ‘block, delete, move on’ it helps you navigate the dating world and what red flags to look out for.

Are you actually ready to start dating? You say you're quickly catapulted - you don't have to be.

You don't have to start OLD, you could just try expanding your social circle and doing different things, being open to meeting someone.

There's nothing wrong in staying single for a while, either. If your split was recent, it might be better to enjoy being on your own and find yourself a bit before dating.

You're in a stronger position for weeding out the rubbish blokes if you're OK with being on your own.

I think I'd use it more to just test the waters, I wouldn't say I'm ready to move on as such. But it might help to see how conversations with other people go...
Might distract me from ex if I knew someone else might be interested. I don't have much confidence. And it's really just to see what it's all about for when I'm properly ready.
There's not a chance in hell I'm ready for anything yet, and I wouldn't want to take baggage into something new or do that to another person..I suppose it would just be interesting to see but I've been warned tinder is literally men looking hook ups which I'm not interested in

@Dadjoke007 is bumble where the woman initiates conversation??

Yes.

It’s changed very recently so men can send a message if you match .

I wouldn't bother after the all the horror stories you read about OLD on here. Why not join some hobby groups etc & meet people in real life for friendships first.

You'll get the opportunity to evaluate their values & compatibility if you meet irl before things go further! This way you weed out the sociopaths that tend to flock to old. Meet up.com is a good place to find social/hobby groups in your local area.

The world of OLD is sure an interesting one. If I was to give some advice, it would be.... don't take it too seriously, don't be afraid to block people (you will come across some crazies), if something or someone feels 'off', trust that instinct. Most of all, try and have fun. I know it can be daunting (I know from experience). Good luck!

Have no expectations and look on it as a bit of fun.

Don’t over invest in someone with long chats before you meet. Meet for a coffee or something like that fairly soon after chatting.

Set really firm boundaries about what you’re looking for.

have a thick skin. People will just drop off, block, delete, dont agonise.

It’s a good way of getting back out there, and it’s perfectly possible to meet nice people on the apps. Just have fun

I disagree purely because you have some romantic notion of clicking. Nice idea but the OLD world is full of people who have perfected the art of chat and you’ll fall hook line and sinker for the most skilled and they are likely to be the ones you’d least want to meet.

You are 38 and a different person from when you first got into that long term relationship . Live a little. Take a lover. Or two.

Travel, focus on your family and career, spend time with yourself, friends and then see what happens.

How did you get on @randomnamechange2024 ?