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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ghosting AND spying

11 replies

notsodizzy · 26/05/2024 13:28

Bit of a long long story
Sorry

So I have had a some what situationship over the past year with a man I've known for over a decade. Nothing intimate has happened.
It was mostly texts! Sexting. Meeting for coffees etc meals. But never anything intimate:
We'd make arrangements to go to his. But then something would come up. I know he's not married.. also know there is no "significant" other.
He hounds me with text morning noon and night.
Few times I've called it off because he's being so evasive.

Then he wins me over telling me how he feels about me etc.

2023/24 New Year's Eve.. I hadn't spoken to him since early November: I just kept ignoring him. He had lied to me and he was trying to "make it up" but I told him I was too upset about it.
So I decided at the Bells for 2024 I would not bring him into this year with me.
He hounded me with messages:
Some angry: some pleading some telling me his undying infatuation with me.

Eventually I gave in.
Met him for lunch
We had a long talk and drew a line under the "lie"
Arranged to meet up for proper date at his the next week.
He lives a long way from me.

Then he said he might be working and needed to cancel, again!

I lost it: told him I was so fed up getting the brush off etc.

He then told me he was done!!

I found myself to be the one chasing him for a change:
Eventually we made up.
And then one week later he told me if I was needed sex, to go get it from a muscly guy at my gym!

He hasn't spoken to me since! This was end of February.

However... every single day since then. He has been looking at my stories on social media.
Says nothing!!

I'm at a loss...
I tried reaching out in April and he just read it, never replied and yet even up to today. Looks at my stories.

I don't know what to make of it. My friends are all stumped too:

Anyone have their input on what kinda mind he's got? Why look if he doesn't want it? Just very odd

OP posts:
AllEars112232 · 26/05/2024 13:45

Just block him. This "relationship" sounds utterly pointless, and trying to find logic in his (and your ) behaviour won't get you any where.
Move on OP.

Cinai · 26/05/2024 13:50

It sounds like you both enjoy playing mind games, that would be my explanation. What do you actually want to get out of this? If you want to continue the games, block him on social media, which will probably make him get back in touch via text. Otherwise block him on everything and stop thinking about him, he isn’t relationship-material.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/05/2024 13:52

Just block him and sort your self esteem out. He’s not worth it and he’s not worthy of you. Move on.

Silverfoxette · 26/05/2024 14:02

Sounds like a waste of energy, unfriend on sm, block and move on.

Olivia2495 · 26/05/2024 14:10

It’s a bit much to expect other women to waste their time analysing a random blokes mind. Your friends are probably sick of hearing it too.

yellowsmileyface · 26/05/2024 14:12

Too many people give too much weight to viewing someone's stories. Lots of people just absent mindedly tap through people's stories when they're bored. It usually doesn't mean anything.

Why are you wasting your energy trying to decode his behaviour anyway? You should have just blocked him and moved on a long time ago.

LaunchingTeabag · 26/05/2024 14:26

He can't get it up.

Block and move on. This is toxic.

SunniestOfSundays · 26/05/2024 16:29

Just block him.

Sorry to say but it seems like he only gives you the time of day when there’s no better offer.

Cherrysoup · 26/05/2024 16:46

This is so pointless. Cut him off and get on with your life, you might find an actual relationship!

EatCrow · 26/05/2024 16:51

This sounds like you have an addiction to the push/pull thing. Block and get a hobby.

DatingDinosaur · 26/05/2024 16:59

"Anyone have their input on what kinda mind he's got?"

My input is that he's enjoying the thrill of the chase. He chases, you cave in. He's won. Then his next goal is to go radio silent on him. You chase him. He goes all angry or puppy dog on you and gets the sympathy kibbles off you. He's won.

"Why look if he doesn't want it?"

See above. It's all a game to him. He'll know you can see he's looking and that's why he's doing it. To make sure he's still on your mind.

I agree with everyone else. You're wasting your time with him. He's wasting your time. It's all a waste of time and possibly some sort of (as a previous poster said) push/pull attention seeking thing. It's not healthy.

It's not often I say this as I don't generally agree with the whole blocking/ghosting thing but that's exactly what you should do now. Unless you like being dangled on a string and playing cat and mouse.

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