If you're in your 30s and dating...

[horriblequestion]

If you're in your 30s, and dating, and hoping to meet someone to settle down and have kids with....would you date a man with a history of cancer? It's a type of cancer which is common to be recurrent, but generally quite treatable. That being said, it is likely to be recurrent and increases risk of other cancers too.

Anybody at anytime in life can get get cancer. I'm just recovering from breast cancer as a single 38 yr old mum. Yeah it could reoccur at any time again. But I'd be devestated if someone thought I was undateable or not a good future fit because something happened to me that I had no physical or mental control over!
The fact you've even asked that question I think you should leave the person alone. If you see something in them then cancer shouldn't change that!

randomnamechange2024 I'm sorry about your breast cancer and wish you all the best in your recovery. My post didn't mean any offence whatsoever. I have several very close relatives and friends who have been through cancer. My question was more for single women without kids who are dating and wanting a family one day.

Hmm...Good question. I don't want kids but a man I'm dating has a relative with cancer and I found myself wondering how I would feel about that if we got together and I had wanted kids. Glad not to have that worry tbh. Of course its always a fear your kid could get sick if it's in the bloodline.

But at the same time, I think I'm a romantic...kids imo aren't really relevant until you're in an emotionally healthy, stable committed long term relationship (and probably discussing marriage) with a man you really love. And finding that, is really hard. Reaaaaallly hard.

So tbh I think I'd focus on finding the right man for me, to love. My person. Children are simply ...added extras. 'Possible people' lol. Dependent on other requirements.

Of course some people are really desperate to have children so that maybe changes things.
But I much prefer living people who love me to...possible people who don't exist or need to.

So I'd go with the flow probably. In the chance it works out, you get a loving partnership. And then can discuss if you want to risk kids or not. I'd choose the real person over possible people, basically.

But is he unable to give you family or do you mean the consequences on if you have a family and his ill health return and the issues that brings. Because I did chose a man who I was with for 15 yrs before having kids, he stayed with me 4 yrs after I had the kids then left for someone younger. Health shouldn't come into it. Life can take dramatic turns at any point. Trust me it happened to me. You can plan so much with someone and anything can turn your world upside down in a heartbeat unfortunately. If you find someone you love and they love you then grab onto it

Yes pp put it more succinctly than me, I'd rather take a chance on love than let it pass me by for 'ifs and buts and what might be'

How would I’d feel if was the other way around and you cancer treatment of some sort and a man decided that he didn’t want to start a family with you for this reason only

It depends really - if his health issues or treatment potentially affect his fertility, if you like him enough to contemplate a future that might involve recurrence and all that brings.

It's not your job to give someone a chance if you can foresee issues that you don't want to deal with or aren't sure you can handle. It's a valid reason to give someone a swerve.

Of course you can't predict the future and cancer or any number of issues can happen in any relationship - but going into it knowingly is a different thing.

Obviously it's not a very nice thing to find your dating pool shrunk by illness or whatever other misfortunes in your life, but it's still not anyone's obligation to date you.