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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Will this rut ever end?!

3 replies

Namechanged276 · 26/05/2024 13:07

I've name changed for this.

I'll try and be brief but include as much info as possible.

Literally have just lost my mind today as everything has come to ahead. It's got to the point I'm really struggling to even finish sentences I'm that mentally exhausted.

Husband has been complaining about anything and everything. If it isn't his back, it's his foot, if it isn't his foot it's his head etc etc, you get the idea. He had a minor op beginning of the year on his leg and has been off work on and off with multiple injuries. I'm trying to be sympathetic but it is one thing after another now and I've had to do absolutely everything, including helping him sort out mental health issues -add and autism (whole different topic). There's no appreciation and I have put everything into helping him as well as sorting out the children who are just off the charts with boundaries being pushed and it's constant chaos from the moment they wake to the moment they sleep.
Add on sorting bills, paperwork, a fair few appointments for the youngest child with development delays, running my own business in a very physically and mentally demanding job and many other daily stuff I just feel like it's a never ending battle.

What's sparked it off today is the children fighting and arguing constantly, trying to clean the house and husband is hobbling around helping and sorting out the toys whilst sitting down (great I thought at first, one less job). But he then starts the complaining. His foot, his head -takes a paracetamol - his back all whilst standing staring at me cleaning the kitchen as though he wanted sympathy. Then had the cheek to tell me everything he'd cleaned whilst saying he's upset I've not noticed yet and thanked him. Children start arguing over a damn crayon and I just absolutely lost it, shouted at the top of my voice for them all to just shut up. I rarely shout and I feel so much guilty right now, I've take myself upstairs. Eldest follows me, and I've as calmly as I can just explained I need time alone but he would not go. Husband came and got him to give me time alone, but he was screaming and not listening to the fact I just needed space for 10 minutes.

I just don't know what to do, my life feels like chaos 24/7 and I'm burning out.

Does anyone have any advice?

Oh... Husband and I have been married 10 years almost, together since 16/17 years old. He's not always been such a complainer but the last few years he's slowly getting worse. He's 32.

Since writing this (and admittedly feeling a little better getting it off my chest) husband has made a cup of tea.

Hope this isn't too long, just really could use some advice and suggestions on how to make life easier. And yes... Leaving him would probably get rid of the constant whining! 😁

TIA

OP posts:
Anon751117000 · 26/05/2024 14:42

I totally feel this. My ex was like this and it was SO DRAINING. The list of his ailments over the years is very long - shoulder pain, ankle pain, stomach issues, back pain and then he was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. I know this is a genuinely painful and awful condition but I actually found myself thinking (great, now he really has something to moan about). It really is emotionally draining living with someone like this and its very hard to muster any sympathy when you are left literally doing everything and it really is non-stop. It was part of the reason we split up but there were many other things that contributed. I'm not really sure I have advice for you because I had to leave my ex - not sure if you feel that is an option but you have to be careful you don't burn yourself out. You technically have an extra child to run after and, at 32, is it ever going to get any better?

GinForBreakfast · 26/05/2024 14:53

32?? I thought you were going to say 50. He needs to get a grip.

IfMichaelMosleysVoiceWasWrittenasMusicalScore · 26/05/2024 15:09

Fuck feeling guilty @Namechanged276 , the people who are all take and no give and don't appreciate all that you do for them had a bit of a change to their routine, that's all. I hope it makes them stop and think about their behaviour Flowers

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