5 y/o can be SO explosive when angry, it’s frightening- this normal?

[regretnot]

My son is what I call a deeply feeling kid or Highly Sensitive. His reactions can be quite extreme when hungry or tired if he tipped over the edge so we always try stay on top of that otherwise it’s an explosion, literally..

he gets very frustrated and angry and lets it all out, screaming, tears, kicking, I hate you, this is the worst time of my life.. it’s very full on.. we don’t go near him.. no signs of emotional regulation whatsoever.. he often asks for space too to calm but I like to stay where I can see him..

he is a big feeler and feels deeply.. he does play with friends but is very cautious and slow to warm with new people..

he didn’t have the best start as I suffered with PN anxiety, which spiralled and meant I was unable to regulate myself or my son.. I wonder whether his early few years have the effect on him now.. and how I can rectify that..

I think one of the other parts of the site under the parenting umbrella might be better for this & get more traffic.

However, I have something very similar with same age, I remember a friends kid kicking off on a play date a couple of yrs ago & friend was all apologies it was so bad & she's never usually so difficult etc & I'm thinking on the 1 to 10 scale, that was barely a 3, I'm used to 11! There was no punching & kicking & biting & over an hour of rage & any attempts to soothe met with an inferno etc, it was just a tired hungry little kid.

So no I don't think it's 'normal' a regular far smaller tantrum for that age is, quite what it means for the future I'm unsure.

@regretnot

I would take him to GP, and also have a word with school to ask for their input. All of the ‘highly sensitive’ children I know are autistic.

Have you read parenting the highly sensitive child and how to talk so little kids will listen? I would also ask school for their frank opinion.

You need to give lots of hugs between the tantrums.

Big fat bear hugs that last as long as they can

You need lots of time snuggled up watch tv on a sofa

That deep deep love and reassurance that as you state you may not have been able to give earlier on

It's all about giving comfort unless he genuinely does have autism then he'll hate that sort of thing but give it a go

They also get a surge of testosterone at that age which can make them go a bit bonkers

Go out to the countryside where there aren't many other people so he can run around freely

@ProfessorPeppy is this something the school/teachers would be open with me about?

I suppose how would I broach it? Email? Meeting? His teacher is quite cold/stand off ish so I’m not sure the type of reply I could expect

Yes - teachers aren’t allowed to suggest a diagnosis but they will raise concerns. The only thing is, children can mask in school (boys less so than girls) so they might not have concerns if he’s ‘successfully’ hiding his distress in school.

I would email, outlining your concerns, or requesting a meeting. If additional needs are in the mix, the school will want to support your son and a meeting is essential. Good luck

@ProfessorPeppy thank you