He flirts with me while co-parenting

[Caw2024]

Going to try keep it short & simple as possible

Me (28 female) and father of my child (29) broke up about 10 weeks ago. We have a 4 month old baby together.

At first he would just collect baby from my door then leave. And then bring her back at the end of the day

Recently I agreed after weeks of him nagging to go on "co parenting family days out" so far we've done this about 3 times. We've gone places like the beach and park.

After today I'm really annoyed and actually feel very disrespected by him.. all he's done is flirt with me and touch me.. my bum, my body. And constantly complimenting me. He told me that if I want to use him for sex at any point then I can do so and he would be more than happy with that (wtf)

He's made me feel sick and annoyed! It's ment to be about making memorise for the baby (not that she will even remember at this age) it all seems very pointless!

He would look at the baby and say things like "you want mummy and daddy to get back together done you!"

He the started to buy a few pints of beer (we had gone for a meal this week) now alcohol was one of the problems in our relationship.. him drinking too much and acting a clown. Then arguments between us would happen which would cause him to be verbally abusive towards me. So the fact the 4th time I've agreed to these family days out to work on our co parenting and he's turned to alcohol has really pssed me off to be honest

I dont even know why I'm writing this, I haven't even asked a question I'm just so baffled. He acted like a drooling dog!

He also then started to get upset and had tears running down his face because he asked me out right if me and him were ever going to get back together and I said no.

Ooh he also bought me flowers on this day out, when he went in a shop I waited outside.. he came out with flowers as a surprise.

I dont even know what has happened today lol its like a very strange dream. I guess I'm asking would it be best to stop these family days out.. I mean they are clearly more about me and him.. from his point of view

Do you want to be with him?
If you would consider it then Councelling together. Some ground rules. Trial date and see how it goes.
But it sounds like you don’t

I think it’s fairly obvious that you don’t want to be with him. You need to stop the joint days out as they’re for his benefit not the baby’s.

He sounds like massive annoying pest at best, and the actual touching of your bum etc - that's sexual harassment!

Stop the days out. It's difficult because your baby is so young - are you happy for him to have her on his own? Is that practical feeding wise etc, and do you trust him to?

Because for him to have the baby for an hour or an afternoon or whatever you are happy with on his own would probably be best, but it's complicated if (understandably) you don't want to be away from the baby.

But nothing on earth gives this man the right to touch you like that!

Stop the days out. You tried it, he thought it was okay to touch you sexually without your permission and make you (rightfully!) uncomfortable. You say it’s nice to make these memories, or that was the idea, but the memories will be her dad letching and leering on their mum, whos uncomfortable.

Sorry, just saw he used to take the baby for the day and you were ok with that. I would go back to that plan if I were you.

The baby won't remember the family days out anyway, as you say. And kids actually love quality time with their parents one on one in my experience. So they don't need "family days" when they are older either. He can start devoting himself to actually making his child happy and being a dad, rather than pawing you.

I don’t know any split up parents who do co parenting days out to make memories. At most they get together for parents evening, birthdays, family events.

Surely making these memories for your child of her parents having happy days out together are only false and confusing memories, as you’re not together? Not that she’ll remember until
shes 7 or older anyway. (How many childhood memories do you clearly remember from age zero to ten?)

Better to keep strict boundaries especially in light of his harassment and flirting. Good luck, solidarity and hope this advice helps, OP.

There’s no need for the joint days out. They are an opportunity for him to harass you and make you do the hard work during the trips while he takes pics for his social media so he looks like a good dad.

I think it was nice that you were wanting to do co parent days out but right now it isn’t for the baby as she won’t remember this. This has probably made him think there’s a chance of you two getting back together hence his flirting.

I would go back to him taking the baby for a while and then try to keep things separate.

My friend co parents and the only ‘joint’ things him and his ex do are school related things like parents night, assemblies and sports things. Other than that they have separate birthday celebrations and each do their own thing at Christmas.

Keep things separate for a while until enough water has run under the bridge. It's better to slowly build a steady building block than rush into a situation where feelings are still involved.

all he's done is flirt with me and touch me.. my bum, my body.

Without permission he's assaulting you.

He would look at the baby and say things like "you want mummy and daddy to get back together done you!"

This is him triangulating your child, which is horrible parenting and manipulative and dreadful.

So the fact the 4th time I've agreed to these family days out to work on our co parenting and he's turned to alcohol has really pssed me off to be honest

It should. You're basically babysitting while he pretends to parent, drinks and gets to harass you.

Just stop doing this. He won't.

As PP have said, stop the co-parenting days out. He abuses the access it gives him to you; he’s using them to pressure you to take him back. As for making memories: as you say, she’s too young to remember anything at this stage and she doesn’t need manufactured memories of you with your ex: you can each create special memories with her separately.

This is easy, just stop doing "family days out"

These days are not coparenting days. They’re you doing all the parenting while he gets pissed.