Partner has left 6 months PP

[Ppeter500]

Hi
my partner has upped and left me whilst I am 6 months postpartum.

he said he’s been feeling this way since I was pregnant (he did a great job at hiding it). He lost attraction for me while I was pregnant apparently and he says that we don’t have fun anymore and I was really ‘up and down’ during my pregnancy.

he says he doesn’t love me anymore and can’t bring himself to want to sleep with me.

I do feel really shocked and confused as we were pretty solid and even talking about our wedding day recently. He says he’s leaving as he wants to be happy but no care in the world about me and my child being happy. All he wants to do is throw money at us instead of trying to make things work. I suggested doing some dates or a night away and he just says no there’s no coming back.

AIBU to be really really angry and think that this is so completely and utterly selfish? He decides that life’s all a bit much for him so now I have so suffer as a single parent?

It hurts but trust me OP, at least he is being honest while your child is too young to understand than string you along and feck off later. He is selfish for bringing a baby into the world knowing he couldn’t commit to what it meant. Cut him out of your life, focus on your baby, build a life with your family and friends. He sounds like an immature POS.

I'm so sorry. What an awful shock for you. Do you have support from your family and friends in real life? Sending you hugs.

Selfish twat. Assume “fun” means he doesn’t think you have as much sex as he wants. I would lay good money on there being another woman.
You certainly find out who people are in the hard times.
What has he said about the baby? Won’t he miss the baby? Or has he been hands off there too.

@HcbSS @datingqss Thanks ladies. It is so crap. luckily my family are great and actually are more upset than I am. I’m sad but I’m more angry than anything so that’s stopping me from getting upset!

@Candleabra he hasn’t never done much for DD, always been useless but pretends to be the devoted father in front of everyone else. Can’t remember the last nappy change and bottle, and hasn’t done bedtime or bath for probably 5 months or so…. He says he’ll be seeing her at least 2 times a week and still doing holidays etc which I’ve said not to holidays as too young. My opinion is that he’ll be devoted daddy for the first couple of months and it’ll soon fizzle out.

It would be a great thing for women if men could learn to be honest about having children. Like your Ex, far too many don't want a DC but just lie and hope they'll feel differently when the baby arrives.
Don't try and lure him back Op, he'll only mess you about, get onto CMS and at least make him pay what he owes you

I’m so so sorry OP. I’ve got a 4 week old baby and honestly can’t even imagine how difficult that must be to deal with! It’s crazy that men can just opt out of parenting like that, imagine the uproar if a mother just decided to walk out and only see their baby twice a week, yet so many men seem to think it’s totally fine it’s honestly shocking

I'm glad you have supportive family, that's great. Focus on your little one and your life now, OP. Your ex sounds like a real jerk and I think you will look back on this and thank your lucky stars.

Find out how to legally ensure he pays maintenance now before he changes his mind about money.

it would be a great thing for women if men could learn to be honest about having children. Like your Ex, far too many don't want a DC but just lie and hope they'll feel differently when the baby arrives

Very true. That first year postpartum is actually a common time for men to have affairs and/or decide to leave the relationship. No longer being the center of their wife' s attention, less frequent/spontaneous sex...many men aren't used to putting their own needs second.

OP, sorry that you find yourself in this situation (which is, of course, completely unfair). How long were you together before you got pregnant? Was he enthusiastic about having a child?

He is not in a position to bargain OP and say ‘what he will be doing’. You can just walk away, have zero contact and nothing to do with him again, and let him fight you through the courts if he wants (he won’t). Very pleased you have a supportive family.

Totally agree with this.

He never really pushed for sex our entire 8 year relationship it was always me.
it was his idea to start trying but I was worried I couldn’t conceive. We had been together for 6.5 years before trying. And had been living together for 2 years… so not sure why he bothered.

he will struggle to find genuine connections in the future if he is always looking for more.

Am I allowed to do this PP? I thought I had to give joint custody?

He can take you to court for access, and it will look bad if you deny it for no reason other than he broke up with you. I'm sorry this happened to you, and he sounds awful, but he might still be a good dad to your daughter. She deserves the opportunity to have her father present in her life, and she's as much his as she is yours.

Try to keep your feelings about him separate, and to be amicable for your daughter's sake. When there are children involved adults need to put all their feelings aside to do right by their kids.

Thank you for your comment. In all honesty that’s how I’ve gone about this so far by just being civil for the sake of my little girl.
I thought it was best to do this anyway and keep note of any missed visits etc as we have arranged things amicably and if it does turn into needing to proceed with legalities at least I willl have all the proof there.
he hasn’t been a good dad up until now so I can’t see him making much effort but I’ve always said I wouldn’t deny DD the opportunity as it’s not her fault and if she gets older and realises on her own that he’s not there for her then so be it.

As usual I'm gonna say he's probably met someone else. They say the same old shit.

that’s how I’ve gone about this so far by just being civil for the sake of my little girl.
I thought it was best to do this anyway and keep note of any missed visits etc as we have arranged things amicably and if it does turn into needing to proceed with legalities at least I willl have all the proof there.
he hasn’t been a good dad up until now so I can’t see him making much effort but I’ve always said I wouldn’t deny DD the opportunity as it’s not her fault and if she gets older and realises on her own that he’s not there for her then so be it

Excellent attitude, OP. Your daughter will benefit by you maintaining a civil "working" relationship with her father. For her sake I hope he's able to step up.

I hope things have worked out OP - part of me hopes the father has stepped up and taken some responsibility and been a good father.