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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did I have a lucky escape

23 replies

Gemini1992 · 25/05/2024 11:18

Hi all

I started seeing a guy a few months ago met him through friends and all was going well until this week.

He told me that he had a “crazy” ex he had broken up a year ago and often spoke about how badly she treated him, physical, mental abuse etc. Lo and behold she starts adding me on Facebook I didn’t know who it was and foolishly accepted. He rang me to say she rang him saying I had added her this didn’t add up as he said he had her blocked and when I questioned this he said she rang him from a landline. She then sent him a picture saying how ugly I was and he proceeded to tell me exactly what she had said. I was really upset by this as I have confidence issues and could see from her picture she was beautiful. I told him I don’t want to know what she said about me and he said I was making it all about me.

He then said she told him I had a picture of my ex and this annoyed him it was from 10 years ago!! He said he couldn’t deal with it and was hot and cold with me for a week. I text him to say things weren’t adding up how she sent a picture if she was blocked and I said I’m really uncomfortable about the whole thing I feel like there’s still feelings there and we want different things.

He is still texting me but the other day was really rude to me when I was trying to give him advice on something. I’m really upset because I’m at the age where I want to settle down and we got along in every other way and he’s saying I abandoned him.

something just really wasn’t sitting right with me do you think I overreacted or made the right decision.

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 25/05/2024 11:23

Red flag red flag red flag, get the hell outta there

TorturedPoets24 · 25/05/2024 11:25

Don’t get involved.

Alwaystired23 · 25/05/2024 11:27

Way too much drama. He wants 2 women fighting over him. The whole thing sounds so childish. I think you're better off without him.

the2andahalfmillion · 25/05/2024 11:28

Narcissistic triangulation. Get the hell out of there.

ManilowBarry · 25/05/2024 11:30

Why invite immature people who thrive on drama into your life?

The beautiful ex sounds like a fake profile he's set up and is trying to wins you up to make you jealous.

He's unstable. Dump him.

Flatbellyfella · 25/05/2024 11:33

It will only be a Lucky Escape if you dump him & find pastures new.

ChickyBricky · 25/05/2024 11:44

I don't think she exists OP, he is fucking with you. And a total nut job. Run before things get even worse.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2024 11:45

A good rule of thumb if a man says his ex is psycho,is to assume it is them that has the issues.

frozendaisy · 25/05/2024 11:45

This is not healthy behaviour

Run OP

SamW98 · 25/05/2024 11:45

Manipulative cunt with far too much drama

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Dump block never contact him again

samestyle · 25/05/2024 11:47

You did the right thing, agree with above, he enjoys two women competing for his attention, doubt she's a crazy ex but probably an angry current gf/fling or at least barely an ex that he's kept in touch with the whole time he's been seeing you.
Live and learn, run a mile if they have a 'crazy ex'

Opentooffers · 25/05/2024 12:09

Are you still her FB friend? Why not ask her directly? The crazy ex is usually the one who was sane enough to finally end things. I bet she'd paint a totally different picture. I think you would of found that if you looked down her friends list, he'd be on it. That's obviously how he knew you had become friends, then he was panicking himself about what she could tell you, so he got a lot of BS in first.

I had a BF who commented on a pick of an ex I had from 8 years prior - he basically had to scroll through pages of my FB postings to get to it - I don't post often, but there was still a lot to get through. Shows how thoroughly he'd gone through it all. I've nothing to hide, laughed at him for being stupid, and informed him that the person he didn't know, who he was slagging off, was 10 times the man he is ( I'd already decided he was dumped). Obsessively jealous much? His 'ex' might not even be an ex, it could be news to her and she's wondering who you are?
Best to cut communication, you owe him nothing.

yellowsmileyface · 25/05/2024 12:29

This isn't the man to settle down with. You've only known him a few months and he's already messing with your head.

Your intuition is telling you something is off. Listen to it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/05/2024 12:30

I stopped reading at crazy ex. Never contact this man again.

Amx · 25/05/2024 12:40

Don't worry about him, just get your GCSE's finished then you'll have the summer off.

If you're not 15, then dump him already.

LifeExperience · 25/05/2024 12:47

I believe the technical term is "whackadoodle." You dodged a bullet.

AgreeableDragon · 25/05/2024 14:23

ChickyBricky · 25/05/2024 11:44

I don't think she exists OP, he is fucking with you. And a total nut job. Run before things get even worse.

Absolutely this! He's totally fucking with you and created a crazy ex to do just this! Dump him now, no explanation no warning, just stop contact.

DrJonesIpresume · 25/05/2024 14:32

Run a mile. Hideous man.

Isometimeswonder · 25/05/2024 14:32

You both sound very immature. Try being single for a while.

RomanRoysSearchHistory · 25/05/2024 14:41

I'm pushing 50. Without fail amongst friends, family, & myself, every time a man cited "my psycho ex" he turned out to be a raging narcissist/sociopath who was attempting to control the narrative and do a major PR spin. Run.

SamW98 · 25/05/2024 14:51

RomanRoysSearchHistory · 25/05/2024 14:41

I'm pushing 50. Without fail amongst friends, family, & myself, every time a man cited "my psycho ex" he turned out to be a raging narcissist/sociopath who was attempting to control the narrative and do a major PR spin. Run.

Edited

100% - Im in my 50’s and my rebound straight after by LTR broke up spun me the crazy ex line. Turns out he was a massive liar and completely full of shit

Several of my friends had similar experiences. The ‘my ex is crazy’ is one of the biggest red flags going

Spinningroundahelix · 25/05/2024 15:22

My son legitimately has a crazy ex. However, he has nothing to do with her and never discusses or mentions her. He goes to some trouble to avoid being in her vicinity. He has been happily in a long term relationship with a new partner for years. The man you have been going out with sounds far too enmeshed with this ex (if she exists) and far too concerned about an old picture of your ex.

Loubelle70 · 25/05/2024 16:02

Alwaystired23 · 25/05/2024 11:27

Way too much drama. He wants 2 women fighting over him. The whole thing sounds so childish. I think you're better off without him.

This.
Also him telling you its not all about you after he said his ex thinks your ugly? Did she say that tbh? He is trying to wear you down so youve low self esteem whereas you think you cant get anyone else...so stay with him because you think hes dogs bollocks with 2 women wanting him....hes an abuser. Get rid . tell him you dont do mind games...block

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