Dating in your 50’s

[millymoo1202]

I’ve been divorced 3 years, separated 5, long marriage, kids are young adults for background. Went online last year, have had lots of coffee dates but just felt there was no spark initially, I’m talking probably 12 dates and I’ve been one to say no to a second. Had a date last night, he’s lovely. We had lots to chat about, total gent but just don’t think I fancy him. My friends keep saying have a few more dates and these things grow. I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for as all these guys look attractive to me online, beginning to think I’m the problem. Can anyone else relate to this? I’m 52, lack confidence as exh always put me down but all dates have told me I’m attractive, that feels weird even saying it as so alien to me

It's painful. I'm 53, met someone on line last year and it was amazing for the first 6 months until his narcissistic/gas lighting/ controlling tendencies came to light. Now I'm dipping my toe in the water again and I'm despairing. Having said that, several friends have struck gold with on line dating so I am trying to persevere. Lots of damaged men out there.

It’s really hard isn’t it. I met someone last year too, was really good initially but sounds very similar story. The good thing is I saw it and ended it. Just want to meet a good man that I really fancy too 🙈

I think it's worth giving the lovely guy another date or two and see if he grows on you.

Obviously not if you were repulsed in any way, but if you just didn't feel an immediate attraction but he's otherwise pleasant to look at.

Not bothering here. I feel just.too.old at 48.
All the normal good looking sorted guys are married.
Those on OLD are there for a reason and not a good one.
My feeling is that decent guys are few and far between. Meeting them in real life is simply a matter of luck. They certainly won't be found on tinder or match etc
It's quite sad.

I disagree, nice men do come back onto the market, just as you have! I have a lovely friend who divorced, met someone on Bumble within three or four dates and it's going great. I don't think nice men hang around for long and there are so many awful ones out there, but that's true of the married ones, sorry, married men are not all nice either! Alert and watching behaviour over time, that's the way to go.

If you don't like anyone after 12 dates, that is quite a lot to not find anyone attractive. If it's that you did fancy one or two but it didn't work out, I'd keep looking. If you are off the whole thing or just don't give people much of a chance, then perhaps consider a second date with someone like this person and see how you feel after that date.

I meant to say I have a lovely male friend. He did meet someone quickly though, he wasn't wading through lots of dates.

Had a date last night, he’s lovely. We had lots to chat about, total gent but just don’t think I fancy him if you are unsure if you fancy him, I'd go for another date, if you know for sure you don't fancy him and never will, then don't go. I think looking for 'sparks' over coffee might be over-egging the situation a bit, it's not a sparky situation, but if he was chatty and reasonably attractive, go again, or don't- he will probably find someone though quite quickly if he's nice!

not in the dating scene, 53, but if I was, I just dont find men my age that attractive. Its rare for me to look at men in their 50s and think I would find some chemistry there - so many are so set in their ways, its not just about looks. I do hear more women my age these days dating men around 15 years younger - not sure where they find them!

If you aren't sure after the first date, but you get on well, give it another date to see. Took me the second date to fancy the pants off my now 52 year old....

If you haven't dated for decades and your reintroduction to finding men attractive involves men in the 50 to 60 bracket, I think sometimes it's a bit of a shock, until you can reframe what attractive can extend to. I'm not sure how realistic it is to expect the same sparks and feeling that they're gorgeous you may have years ago, and so you sometimes need to focus on the other things that matter and see if physical attraction grows from that.

Wise words and thank you, I will give see lovely man again and to pp you are right I should give people a second chance

Maybe organise "doing things" dates rather than eating/drinking ones. Museums or galleries or pottery or cooking lessons or something with animals? That way the pressure isn't on to act romantic and you can have time to see if you can relax together and be a team before giving him the idea that he has to initiate anything sexy.

I guess the men are under pressure too, OLD is a very artificial way of meeting, they might fall back on weird chatup behaviour that gives you the ick and then be cursing themselves later.If he is a good egg he will be relieved to show you more about himself and get to know you, if he was just after sex he won't be interested in making the effort so to do an activity and if he's rude or grumpy you'll be in a place where you can easily walk away.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you xxx