Military wife husband deploying

[Happymumoftwo21]

Hi all, I’ve posted a few threads here on MN. I suffer with anxiety and have just injured my back at work. My husband is military and has just told me he is deploying for 6 months and will be back at Christmas! My family live over 2 hours away, I do have friends here but they have their own lives, jobs, kids etc. yes they all say we’re all here for you and to ask for help but like I said I’ve injured my back 8 weeks ago at work and am under the physio at the moment. Some weeks it is getting better then others I am having muscle spasms and I able to move or go to work. At the moment I cannot do majority of the housework, can’t change the beds, hoover etc I cannot put the bins out or even empty the kitchen bin due to not being able to lift. I cannot cut the grass etc. so I’m really quite worried about it.
my husband has been prepping meals for the week so as I don’t have to stand in the kitchen when I get home from work. If my back was fine then yes we would miss him terribly but have to get through it but with this injury I’m so stressed and anxious about it all I just don’t know how I’m actually physically going to do it? Any advice? Thank you

You’re still going to work so sounds like you can get a cleaner in at home and crack on as normal.

@CityofRojas im actually having to stay off work as I said when I’m getting muscle spasms which is quite often. So cracking on as normal isn’t really an option and our lives haven’t been normal for the last 8 weeks. Yes I can get a cleaner, then if I’m off work how am I going to pay for the extra help?

Sorry this is happening all at once. When does he go? Are you on the patch? Are the other families friendly and able to lend some support? My advice would be speak to ssafa-they may have some ideas to help support you while he’s away.
it’s good you are having physio for your back, hopefully it will settle. While you are off work can you go home to family until you are fit enough to live independently and return to work?

You did say your husband is prepping for for you for when you finish work hence the pp mentioning you working. What do you need help with? Personal care? Or just some cleaning/ gardening bits. If it’s so bad that you need help with personal care can your husband make a welfare case to his boss?

LSA will pay for some extra help. Do you live in your own house or quarters? You’ll also be able to claim some council tax back from your husband’s work.

Can you stay with family for a bit?

Can you hire help until summer holidays and then go visit family to buy time for your back to heal?

He goes the end of June. Yes we’re on a military estate with other families/friends which can help out with things but obviously they have their own lives, jobs, kids etc.
I am back at work, it’s when I am getting the muscle spasms so the flare ups I am unable to go to work for a few days each time, which seems to be happening every few weeks.
we live in quarters and I can go to family during school holiday times as I can’t take the kids out of school.
physio and GP have both said really it’s just time and needs time to heal. I’m just wondering how I’m going to get that time for it to heal if I am going to be the only one here to try and do everything.
currently need help with gardening, housework and then during flare ups it’s taking the kids to school, prepping meals etc as I can’t really move or stand up straight until it settles again.

You'll be on the estate with friends , you'll be amazed what they will do for each other , but please do connect with each dept. as much as you can to ensure you can get as much help as you can from NHS they can write letters to the families office if still called that . They won't want you struggle as that reflects badly on them .Good luck and hope you have a good tour .Hopefully they have plenty on for your kids x .

Ok in that case, ask hubby to organise monthly gardener and weekly cleaner (before he goes) for you so that sorted whether you’re in a flare or not.

Youll have 3 weeks to cover after he goes until to end of school. Hopefully other families near by will also be doing the school run so prep them that you might need to call on them to also take DC with their DC to school if a spasm arrives suddenly. This is no problem and we did this all the time during deployments.
or ask if a family member can come and stay with you for those 3 weeks to lend a hand.

Then head home over the summer (if your job is also term based. Hopefully it will have settled by the time they return.

Can you sit more comfortably in a spasm? Perching stool in the kitchen will mean you can sit and rest easily as needed to help you food prep. https://amzn.eu/d/gAxmnTJ

Maybe do a batch cook to fill the freezer when your back is good that you can then use in a flare.

Also speak to the hive/ssafa they will have ideas of how to help whilst he is away. Has he deployed before? If not you’ll be surprised how much people are willing to help if you ask them.

Get your DH to speak to the welfare officer. Every sqdn has one. And they can help to assist you with putting things into place. I had just had a baby, as in days before, when my exdh deployed, and it hadn't been straightforward, help was arranged to do the bigger things like the garden for me ( I wasn't on camp, but quarters a few miles away, and this was still achievable). Get other families on board for school runs, most will be happy to help. How old are your DC?