Just seeking advice

[38woman]

Morning,
I was hoping for some advice. In short, approaching 5 years with a partner, we have recently cooled things. He has had a lot to put up with with my drink issues. I have had difficulties with his lack of emotion and what he calls straight talking.
Without going into a long story I live in a house share and cannot keep all my belongings there, he has stored a lot of my things but also put some of pictures up, clocks, general nice touches to his home.
We are treading water and I worry if he is reluctant to return my things so I can put in storage to keep me in his life or if he is stringing me along to keep my belongings.
Yesterday out of the blue he sent me such an unnecessarily mean message. I gave it some time, then asked him to send an itinerary of the things he had so I could send a courier and store. He tried backtracking and did apologise saying it was an ill-judged joke. I wouldn't back down, was calm but firm. He offered to ay me "rent" and I declined. He has now muted me and won't return messages.
I don't know what to do. I should add, I really don't want us to break up. He has put up with a lot (as have I) but am drinking far less and sorting my life out. I don't see him meeting me half way. I am in a state of panic he will ghost me and keep my things.

He’s a dirty thief. He might’ve helped you out in the past but you don’t owe him anything and you don’t deserve to have to put up with his nasty shit.

You can contact a solicitor and they’ll send him a warning letter to give your stuff back or there will be legal consequences. You could also go and speak to the police and they can have a word. The might go with you to get it back (my friend did this and they were there while she collected her belongings from her exes house).

I think the issue is that unless you can prove the stuff is yours you might have a few issues getting some of it back. If it’s important things then push to get them back but I do think you might have to write some of it off (which, putting a positive spin on on it, it might actually be good for you in the long run as you can have a clean break from him).

It is not really up to him to write an itinerary of your things and return them to you.

Ideally you would arrange good time for you to go and collect them. But as he had muted you, then take a friend with a van/car big enough to collect all your things, and go to his house when you know he will be in. Be polite and don't cause trouble, collect your stuff and leave.

Once the items are under your control then you can decide whether you want to continue with the relationship. That's a seperate issue.

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. The reason I asked for an itinerary is he doesn't really like anyone in his house. He has terrible OCD about his things being touched. He then said I could come and collect everything. I reminded him he didn't like me in his home and I would send a courier - I think that is when he panicked and realised I was serious. I don't even understand muting - why not just block me? I also wasn't mithering him with texts, I was in fact replying to him reminding him I was in work and too busy to put up with his excuses for his appalling message. I could tell he regretted what he said but it was enough to ruin my day. I think I will play the long game and give him space to come round. Despite what I have said about him he is a fundamentally honest person. If I had someone with me and I pointed to something and said it was mine, he wouldn't dispute this. I just never wanted to get it that far.

I think it's pretty pointless waiting for him to come round. All this messing about, muting etc sounds very immature.
Stick to your decision, arrange transport and just go and collect your stuff. Then do as you originally planned and put it into storage. Obviously let him know so he can be there if he gets anxious about having strangers in his home.
Once this is done the two of you can decide where the relationship is going or if you both want to end things.Tbh it all sounds too much like hard work to me!