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Should I just forget about him?

4 replies

bobiebobie · 23/05/2024 21:43

Been with my partner for 15 years but have been very unhappy for a while now, we broke up this time last year but ended up getting back together but nothings changed since so we are now breaking up for good this time. We have both been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the last couple of years and have had no intimacy at all, the only thing keeping us together was my DD. He is an alcoholic and has narcissistic character traits so I've had quite a tough time with him and am absolutely done, no regrets on this ending at all.

When I was in my early 20's I had a short but intense relationship with someone and he has always kind of kept in contact, every couple of years he has sent me a friendly message asking if i'm ok etc, completely platonic. We've always followed each other on SM so had an idea about what was happening in his life. He is going through a long divorce and has been stopped access to his DC and just before Xmas I saw that he had been allowed a visit so messaged him to say glad its happened etc, messaging continued, I told him how unhappy I was and it was nice to talk to someone, still completely platonic. He had said that he would love to meet up for lunch but it never materialised, we live 2hrs drive apart but he is sometimes in the area with work.

Last weekend I went to visit family who live in the same area as where he lives, was thinking about getting in touch but didn't, out of the blue he messaged me to meet up as he was in my area. At this point I was actually driving back home and was planning on ending it with my partner after a good chat with my family but I really didn't want to go back early so I called the ex and said that I would go to the nearby town he was at and meet him.

We had such a lovely chat, it felt so easy to be with him, there was definitely chemistry! He suggested that I get a hotel for the night so we could have dinner together so I ended up staying, he went back to his friends house where he was staying and then met me at the hotel later. We went out had had a lovely dinner, he got a bit flirty, which I secretly liked but I was still feeling a bit guilty as I hadn't broken up with my partner yet. We left the restaurant and he started holding my hand, one thing led to another and we ended up getting intimate at the hotel, kissing and touching but no sex.

He told me that he had been thinking about me a lot and had wanted this to happen, still fancied me (20 years later) and was giving off all the right signs that he wanted something to happen between us in the future.

He messaged the next morning to say have a lovely day, then I gave him a quick message a couple of days later to say have a nice day with your DC, I then gave him a call a couple of days later but he didn't answer and has not made any attempt to contact me (its been 4 days). I really like him still and have never forgotten him if I'm honest and this hot and cold behaviour has left me feeling very deflated, should I just chalk this up to experience or try to contact him again?

OP posts:
Dadjoke007 · 23/05/2024 23:11

Try again - it sounds like there is potentially something special there, you have a great bond and naturally want to see if that will lead somewhere.

The only issue is that he is getting divorced so may have a lot to focus on, although a message takes no time to send. I would try again, say you would like to meet but if he could let you know either way

HappyAutumnFields · 23/05/2024 23:18

Chalk it up to experience, concentrate on extricating yourself from your relationship, and focus on your daughter and yourself.

CatAndHisKit · 24/05/2024 00:36

If you didn;t answer for two days after getting intimate and reading his message, he probably thought you had regrets and don't want any contact. NOw might be taking time to respond .

Channellingsophistication · 24/05/2024 07:18

I’d focus on your DD and moving on from current relationship. It’s too soon to be getting into another relationship. Give yourself some time and space. He is coming out of a marriage too. Why wasnt he allowed to see his children?

You have known him a long time, keep in touch, keep it platonic for now and see what happens in the future when you have both had a bit of time.

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