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Relationships

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Original poster

Long term partner told me he was seeing someone when we were first exclusive

20 replies

Saskia98 · 23/05/2024 19:49

My partner (of 1.5 years) and I have recently had a baby 11 weeks ago. I can’t lie the change of becoming parents has put a big strain on our relationship but we’re willing to work on things.

Today out of the blue he told me a few months after we starting seeing each other (we wasn’t official but was exclusive and said we weren’t talking to anyone else) he met up with a girl from Instagram but assured nothing happened as he didn’t like her. He told me he didn’t want to tell me before as he felt bad but had to get it of his chest? I don’t understand why he’s telling me now or how I should feel as we’ve had conversations in the past about if either of us were dating or seeing anyone else when we were first seeing each other and he always said no. And also so if he did like her in person he would have happily let something happen? He kept saying nothing physical happened so it doesn’t really count. I asked him does that mean if I was to meet up with someone he wouldn’t have an issue as long as nothing physical happened? Part of me feels like he’s telling me now we have a baby as there’s less chance me leaving him. Any advice would be welcomed as I don’t really know how to feel about the situation.

OP posts:

Wildflower86 · 23/05/2024 19:52

Ummmm he feels he needs to get it off his chest =guilt. Must be guilty for something IMO I think his crossed the line somewhere

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 23/05/2024 19:54

Long term partner? 18 months is not long term. And few months after that he met up with someone else? And you already have a nearly three month old? This is a very fast moving relationship.

was 1.5 years a typo?

or are you very young?

he is either lying about what he did with this woman or he is trying to get you to finish with him you for some reason as going out for coffee isnt something to be guilty about.

And also so if he did like her in person he would have happily let something happen?
sounds like he was keeping you around until he found someone else but then you got pregnant. Was the pregnancy a surprise?

Original poster

Saskia98 · 23/05/2024 19:56

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled we were dating around 2 years ago but didn’t become official for a while, we’re both 26.

OP posts:

TheseBootsAreWalking · 23/05/2024 19:56

Why is he telling you this?

Has this so called "nothing happend" insta girl been on the scene longer than he is saying, and now she is threatening to tell you?

Its an old saga when a man feels the need to "be honest

Its betrayal for sure, and I would not trust him after this. Sorry OP

ARichtGoodDram · 23/05/2024 19:58

Just be careful.

It’s very common for abuse to begin in pregnancy or shortly after.

It’s also very, very common for men to feel, like you said, that you’re stuck now so they can behave however they like, or be as hurtful as they like.

Why has he chosen now to tell you?

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 23/05/2024 19:58

Saskia98 · 23/05/2024 19:56

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled we were dating around 2 years ago but didn’t become official for a while, we’re both 26.

So in total you've been dating for two years and have a nearly three month old? Again that is not long term. You've rushed this and dont know him. There was no need for him to tell you he met up with someone once and nothing happened and he didnt like her so he is a liar.

Original poster

Saskia98 · 23/05/2024 20:01

Yes that is correct I got pregnant after a year, like many other people do. That wasn’t really the point of this thread.

OP posts:

Wooloohooloo · 23/05/2024 20:04

It's not long term and you did rush into having a baby but you can't change that now, you can only change what you do going forward.

Dadjoke007 · 23/05/2024 20:11

Saskia98 · 23/05/2024 20:01

Yes that is correct I got pregnant after a year, like many other people do. That wasn’t really the point of this thread.

There will be many that criticise you for doing so though - be prepared!!! Even if you wanted to, there is not much you can do to change it!!

Sometimes it's good to be open with people - maybe he sees a real future with you now baby is here and wants to get anything off chest. But, on the other hand am guessing you would never have known so maybe he should have kept quiet. There is a risk he is deflecting but there really is no way of knowing. If you trust him, then just forget it and enjoy your family

hg167 · 23/05/2024 20:15

Are you the same person who posted recently about issues with MIL and because of this it was also causing strain in your relationship?

If so, you’re already going through a stressful time atm with new baby (which congratulations on) and you seem to be having an even 💩 time with partner and his family.

I think it’s a tough one as although it’s before you were official (even though exclusive) he’s lied to you about it since which really isn’t helping his case.

No real advice other than trust your gut - but I’d also not rush into a decision right now as emotions after baby can definitely cloud things. Have some time to try and think about it and how you want to move forward.

takemeawayagain · 23/05/2024 20:33

Exclusive? Official? When did dating get so many stages? Unfortunately you got pregnant way too quickly and I can't see this relationship working if his idea of 'working on things' is to tell you he met up with a girl off instagram but didn't shag her because he didn't like her.

Epidote · 23/05/2024 20:41

OP, you have written: Nothing happened because he didn't like her. Great! What is going to happen when he find someone he likes then?
What I mean to say is, he is hiding something, because if nothing happened, why is telling you anything?
Whether something happened or not he telling you this stuff now, just after having a baby a couple of months ago. That smell bad to me.

Either something happen and he feels guilty or he is starting to take the piss of you to make you feel bad. Whatever the reason, I don't like it.

Olivia2495 · 23/05/2024 21:22

He knew that by telling you this you would question the relationship or choose to end it. And he’s ok with that.

Azerothi · 23/05/2024 21:48

Do you live with this current boyfriend?

As a previous poster said it sounds like he was keeping you on the back burner until you got pregnant so quickly in this short term relationship and he is now hoping you'll finish with him. It really up to you if you want to live with a boyfriend who cheats or not. Because he did whether he admits it or not.

Thinkbiglittleone · 23/05/2024 21:57

I do have to agree 18 months is not a long term relationship, and y your own admission this is the length of you being in a relationship with him, in which he went to meet another girl to scope out if he liked her enough for him to do "something" with, turns out he allegedly didn't.

Do you live together I'm assuming ?

TheShellBeach · 23/05/2024 22:01

I'm sorry he's thrown this curveball at you now.
I don't think it was very kind of him to do so when your relationship was a bit rocky anyway.

I have to agree that you seem to have rushed into this with your boyfriend, though.

TheShellBeach · 23/05/2024 22:02

Do you trust him now?

beenwhereyouare · 10/08/2024 03:29

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 23/05/2024 19:54

Long term partner? 18 months is not long term. And few months after that he met up with someone else? And you already have a nearly three month old? This is a very fast moving relationship.

was 1.5 years a typo?

or are you very young?

he is either lying about what he did with this woman or he is trying to get you to finish with him you for some reason as going out for coffee isnt something to be guilty about.

Edited

A relationship is no less valid if it is fast-paced. We married 9 weeks to the day after we met and are still.married 45 years later. WYKYK.
Also, it's quite rude of you to imply that anyone was trapped with a surprise pregnancy.

beenwhereyouare · 10/08/2024 03:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Channellingsophistication · 10/08/2024 07:29

Sounds like he is trying to get it off his chest (making himself feel better but upsetting you).

It’s concerning also that he said nothing happened because he didn’t like her, and not that it was because of wanting to be committed to you…

I think you have to see how it goes… you have only been together a short time in reality. It’s hard having a small baby and that naturally is a strain on a couple, but it gets easier.

I would just return to work as soon as you can from maternity leave so you can be financially independent.

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