It's not menopause!

[Oceanserenity53]

I'm in post menopause, with that being said
Everything that happens in my house is my fault, no matter what it is! He is never wrong and I'm tired of hearing "it's because of what I'm dealing with"!! If I hear it again I'm gonna scream. He tells me I'm nasty when I speak to him and I know that I'm not! He will say in an argument that he started "wow!! Where is your brain"? I'm selfish, I'm miserable to be around, I always have an attitude when I don't. I'm very quiet at home because of this. I can go on forever but I just wanted to see if anyone else's husband does this and why?? He did this daily!

I've had it done to me. After my mum died this person would constantly accuse me of being short tempered, in a bad mood, miserable etc following it with 'Obviously I know you've been through a lot'. No one else noticed anything wrong with me, so it was gaslighting pure and simple. As to why? Not really sure other than an act of passive aggression and taking the opportunity to have a go and present themselves as a martyr under the guise of concern. Its an awful way to behave whatever the reason.

what an unpleasant person, get rid

He does it to shut you up and it's working.

I'm selfish, I'm miserable to be around, I always have an attitude

If he truly believes that why doesn't he leave? Nobody is holding him hostage so why not walk out the door and go? OP do you truly think you are like that, do friends, family, co-workers say this to you? Or do you think he is using this language to degrade you and put you in your place? Do you want to live the rest of your life like this, walking on eggshells in your own home, the place you are supposed to feel safe.

He turns it around...if I'm miserable then I can leave. Then comes I'm the bad guy...every time. I know when I say things nasty but it's very rare. I'm not saying I don't have my faults but I don't need to be talked to like I'm a child with no direction. No one I know would ever say that I'm that way. It's not my personality honestly.

Thank you and I'm sorry you had to deal with this as well

He sounds abusive.

Well he’s wrong. You don’t have to argue about it or prove to him you aren’t the things he is saying because you know it’s not the reality. How do you feel about him? Your opinion and experience matter.

You don't have to stay with this person. They don't change and it will grind you down. Read Lundy Bancroft's book "Why Does He Do That?" for more insight.

Don't you think someone should leave? It sounds bloody miserable being together.

And he's emotionally abusive.

It's infuriating!! I know I'm not these things. I was in love with him but as these things are continuing I am feeling less..he's pushing me away and when i say this to him he still says it's what I'm going through!!

I'm looking that up right now! Thank you!!