He's leaving tonight..

[Tdcp]

We've been together for 14 years and have a 9 year old DD. We were just about to buy a house together. We've had a lot of problems for a very long time, usually he refuses to leave and then grinds me down so he stays. This time he has said he's going tonight though I do think his plan is to wander the streets rather than stay with his family. He has family, I don't. I made sure with this house that only my name is on the tenancy so he doesn't have a right to stay in my house. I work full time, leaving at 7:45 and getting home at 6pm every week day in a low paid job. School holidays are next week.

Sorry my thoughts are all jumbled but I don't want him to stay. I don't worry about being alone, I worry about logistics like money and childcare. I guess that says everything!

I expect the "wandering the streets" will be short lived and probably just for dramatic effect. He's probably expecting you to back down.

Sounds like you're ready for him to go, though. A new chapter 🙂

Take your kid out for tea or to the cinema and tell him you want him gone by the time you get back. Pack his stuff and get him out. Change the locks.

Let him go and 'wander the streets' if he has to. I suspect he's emotionally manipulating you. Stand strong, get yourself down to citizens advice to see what financial help you might be entitled to. You can't go on as you are. Be brave, things will come right for you eventually

Let him go and 'wander the streets' then lock your doors/put the chain on so that he can't come back in.

And well done

Let him get the exercise from wandering the streets as that’s his choice. Then stand firm, you and your DD deserve better.

Do you claim universal credit? If not get your claim started tonight! If you already do, then inform them he has moved out and it will boost your income.

you say you are in a low paid role and so you should be able to get some support to help pay for holiday care.

the fact logistics are the first thing you are thinking about shows you need him out and he fact you secured the home for yourself and daughter emphasises that. If he isn’t adding to your life it’s time to get rid!

Bit of an odd plan - buying a house together, when had problems for years?
You sound quite happy to let him go despite your plan. I presume you have savings for a house deposit? Perhaps put to better use setting yourself up independently of him? Though if it was just him sounding off again until he comes back, what's going to stop it being business as usual and buying the house, then you will be stuck? Split or not split seems to be dependent on his wishes, it's about time you took charge of it perhaps?

Do you feel safe? Is there a friend or someone you could visit? It sounds like he's expecting to come back again, not actually leave this time. Maybe contact a women's safety organisation for support.