Come and give my head a wobble please

[Closethedoorfred]

I’m in my 40s and I’ve known a t guy since I was about 18. We dated for about 6 months but we were kids and I didn’t want settle. He always jokes I was the one that got away.

We stayed in very very sporadic contact such as social media - just photo likes the odd hi how you doing - nothing beyond that.

I separated from my husband a couple of years ago and he started reaching out more.

He is married, she is very beautiful but younger and they have kids

Ive had a really shit couple of years and he has actually been really supportive - too supportive and I know that I shouldn’t be allowing it but I was lonely. I’m in a much better place now but he is now leaning on me a lot - especially for his relationship issues - where I talked him out of leaving her. Says he can’t talk to anyone else like me ( I know it’s a cliche)

We’ve been out a couple of times for drinks - he didn’t try a kiss me or try and come in but there is still a lot of sexual chemistry there. I enjoy his company. He texts/rings me most mornings on the way to work

He wants to take me away for the night for my birthday - he will pay for separate rooms. 🙈

But I know we are sailing very very close to the wind.

I know I have to call time on it as I’m not that woman and I know I’m being selfish. I feel like I struggle to do it because he was there for me when I was crying most days. I’m pissing myself off with it

‘he will never leave his kids - which I’d never want’

Quote from OP, he’s not looking for a ‘way out’. He’s just a plain old cake eating cheat!

He is married. Full stop.

Would you / could you really do that to another woman ?...

You will not meet your life partner while you are allowing him to consume your time and thoughts. You are downgrading yourself to the OW status but you should be the main character.

He will never fix his marriage while you're in the picture, you are both being destructive and selfish at his wife's expense. This is her life too and you're making decisions that affect her. So unfair.

Seriously, you make a conscious decision right now what type of person you are and what your morals and character are. Stop excusing yourself.

Because men have affairs. So do women Are you not aware of that ?

Sadly that’s EXACTLY what men in affairs do! Pay for treats to keep the OW hooked while taking from their families, their wives, their children. These are the princes OW fight for!

It can be hundreds and hundreds of pounds.

Just an update we had a long chat yesterday after I sent a text.

We’ve reset boundaries. He he wasn’t doing it as an opportunity to have sex but wanted to treat me as had a shit couple of years.

It’s hard for me to completely go NC as he’s been a massive support. I’d spent a lot of time stressed out my head and crying and he really was there for me daily when even my friends and family wasn’t - but I’m taking a massive step back so he can focus on his family and I can actually focus on being single and moving forward

Thanks for the replies

If he wanted to treat you he should have paid for you to go alone or with a friend, not himself - what was he going to tell his wife fgs?!

Bollocks he wasn’t after a shag

You could choose to have therapy or counselling, rather than needing to cry on his shoulder.

It's not his responsibility to ' treat ' you, it's his responsibility to treat HIS wife...

Call me cynical but now he knows you’re not up for a shag he’s playing innocent.

He knows what he’s doing - steer as clear as you can from this one

What a load of rubbish.

It’s his wife who he should be invested in and ‘treating’. It’s his kids he should be focused on looking after.

You’re not a damsel in distress. And he is no knight in shining armour!

Be your own hero sweetie! That’s where self confidence and esteem comes from!

I just want to say I feel so sad for his wife. I would hate you and him. Everything is an excuse and should've stopped long ago.

Both of you are super selfish.
This needs to be said bluntly. Period.

Hmm, wanted to treat you - with the full knowledge and approval of his wife? I doubt it.

Do you really want someone so dishonest and sneaky as a friend? I'd be a bit put off tbh.

For your part, you've used him, and by proxy also used his wife. You are now seeing sense and that's good. Time to find some more legitimate support for yourself.

Very probably correct

Sorry to be blunt but he’s talking shit and you’re making excuses to justify your emotional affair

His poor wife who’s the only one to come out of this as the innocent party. Shes the victim here not you

This. 100%

You must distance yourself from him and certainly don't go on holiday with him!
If he thinks it's ok to cheat on his wife with you, who's to say you won't be cheated on with ease also? Tell him things are getting too close, and as he's not single and going through issues you're going to go minimum contact.
I'd advise you to forget him fully. He could claim he's left his wife, then come running back to you saying he's now single and ready to be with you, while leading a double life with her at home oblivious! It's definitely not going to end well if you try and continue the relationship.

He’s full of shit. Does his wife know he was planning to “ treat” you? I’d bet she doesn’t! He is a standard cake eating arsehole and not a good man. I wouldn’t go near him, ever.

Taking you away for the night and paying for it is madness and way way out of line, think it might be better if he just was honest and said he fancied you/ has feelings for you.
What was he going to tell his wife about the night away???

And I'm quite liberal but it's so obvious it's ridiculous!! 🤣