I need advice, please.

[Uniquehaha]

Hi everyone- came across this site looking for some answers.

I'm a 43 F, and I met an American while on vacation in Europe. I'm American too. We hit it off rather quickly and spent a few days together going on tours, we had unbelievable chemistry. We both shared personal issues and were vulnerable with each other.

Fast forward a month, back in the US, I visited him on the west coast, a 5 hr flight. I stayed with him every other night while the rest were at a hotel.

At first, again, chemistry was still there, but the 3rd day spent together, we had such an emotional intense connection..playful and intimate. He suddenly then gets up and says he has to leave..then he's in such a hurry to eat, afterwards, I asked him a simple question about our plans for the next few days and he snapped at me. "What do you mean, I HAVE TO WORK!" Uh I wasn't implying that.

I acted ok but I was so upset I ignored him for a while, then the next day I saw him, it was awkward but I gave him.a big hug. We never got back on track of how cozy and intimate we were the other night..I kept drinking too much (unlike me) and basically poured my heart out to him, with an abundant amount of affection. He did not reciprocate. The playful demeanor he had was gone, so subconsciously I overdid it on the affection.

His sudden mood change and his irritability- i couldn't let go of. Ultimately when i.left his house, after hugging him 3x, etc. (I knew we would never see each other again), he continued texting me. I ignored him for a couple of days and finally broke things off, he accepted it and agreed.

I am wracking my brain about whether I overreacted when he snapped at me, and if he has emotional unavailability (avoidant) issues - or did he just lose interest in me bc I was too overbearing.

Please help. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

I can't believe you are 43 quite honestly. This reads like something a 15 year old would write.
I don't want to be mean but it sounds like he was irritated by the floods of emotion as I would be if a man behaved like this.
I think you really need to hold back until you know someone a LOT better.
What is "unbelievable chemistry". You have only known him for 5 minutes.
Take it much much slower next time.

It does sounds like he lost interest, to be brutally honest. But I wouldn't blame yourself or think there's anything wrong with you. It was likely to be more the intensity of the situation that made him back off than anything you did specifically - unless you made him a proposal of marriage you haven't mentioned?

It's obviously crap when a fling doesn't work out, but I've found it's best to just appreciate it for what it was. Bit of excitement, attention, and some sex. That's ok by itself sometimes.

I wouldn't be getting too analytical of his thoughts and feelings - you don't really know him, so god knows what he's thinking. Don't worry about him. Concentrate on some treats for yourself.

Aww love
You got ridiculously invested in a shag.
He's probably cringingat the amount of investment you put into it.
Moral of the story, dmon't shag someone unless you leave the long-term feelings out of it.
Move on x

Good grief, you sound like an infatuated 20 year old. It was a bit of passion that quickly fizzled. Let it go, block him and move on.

You traveled 5 hours to see someone you barely know and stayed at his house.

Fuck that.

Man travels to woman. Always.
If he won't, can't, doesn't and comes up with 'reasons' hes just not that interested.

But yep.

He used you.

The man you knew, the one you met .. that wasn't really him. That was the version of himself he thought would get where he wanted.. and where he wanted was to have a woman fly 5 hours to shag him.

You bear your heart on your sleeve.

I think you need to be a bit more guarded as you are easily attached and sensitive.

Trust you gut feeling about this guy. Don't try to change him or people please him.

Make sure you are happy first.... by the sounds if it, your not so I would just remember as a lovely holiday romance.

You had a holiday romance - in the cold light of reality it wasn't right. Chalk it up to experience and remember the holiday fun.

He sounds cold and you deserve better

Thank you everyone. I know I sound really young, but unfortunately I'm emotionally stunted and have major issues with men..I was beaten by my father starting at a young age until my late teens.

After having so many of the same experiences with dating men who were not worth my time, I was meant to meet him to teach me a lesson. Ha, at 43. But better late than never.

I know in a short time I would have forgotten about this person and i will be ok- I always am. ❤️ hopefully I'll actually make this my final lesson.

Goodness don’t blame yourself. He was just a moody bastard. And it’s good he showed his true colours early on! Try not to let that ending ruin the whole thing and enjoy the memory fo the brief and intense holiday romance you had

Don’t overthink it. He just wasn’t right for you.

Once you find someone who is, dating and love really isn’t that complicated at all.

it’s just easy.

That’s when you know.

I agree, see it as a holiday romance - he was able to show you a great side of himself when on holiday, but obviously is stressy and mean when he works. It hurts so much but imagine if you only found that out after you'd moved in with him. I think he does sound emotionally avoidant. I would talk things through about your dad and relationships with a counsellor xx

If you keep repeating the same mistakes, stay single until you have done the work to sort that out. Otherwise you are just going to repeat the cycle and keep hurting yourself. Do you have organisations such as Women's Aid in the US? You can do the Freedom Programme online or a good place to start might be Lundy Bancroft's book.

Why are people so mean on here? So unnecessary.

As others have said - mark it up as a holiday romance that fizzled, don't overthink it or replay every moment looking to blame yourself. It just didn't work out and that is all. Next time you'll know to take it much slower and protect your feelings.

Have some therapy if you can, and take care.

I agree with all of this. It hurts when someone lovebombs you and then turns cold. You were wise to end it.

Do get counselling for the criminal violence you suffered as a child. Your father is supposed to be the man who loves you and cares for you best, and yours failed spectacularly. No wonder you long to be loved.
Best of luck xx

Haha - is this an American men thing?
similar happened with my American. Sounds like an avoidant to me.
I do not agree with the majority of people here that tell you off for having feelings. We live in such an emotionally unavailable world.
In my opinion he got scared of your feelings. Don’t change who you are and look for someone who is emotionally secure. Obviously look at whether you may have some anxious attachment issues as well.