How did you get over the revelation of OW?

beenwhereyouare · 23/05/2024 06:51

"Alternatively if you just want to slag him off I'm up for that too." 😂

I'm so sorry you're hurting again.💐

Remember this:
He's a stupid ass.
You'll be happy again, though, and he'll still just be an ass! (a stupid one)

Porageeater · 23/05/2024 07:06

Absolute lying bawbag, you are way better off without him. This is just a bit of a set back but you will soon bounce back. There is stuff to read which may help like Helen Thorn Get Divorced be Happy and the ‘chump lady’ blog

Blackcats7 · 23/05/2024 07:08

Depends on the circumstances.
As the OW was my best friend I am not over it almost 8 years later and I never will be. If it had been a random woman it would have been much easier as a single rather than double betrayal. Still shit of course but just not as shit as that.
Some things you can never come to terms with.

Original poster

CleanShirt · 23/05/2024 08:12

Blackcats7 · 23/05/2024 07:08

Depends on the circumstances.
As the OW was my best friend I am not over it almost 8 years later and I never will be. If it had been a random woman it would have been much easier as a single rather than double betrayal. Still shit of course but just not as shit as that.
Some things you can never come to terms with.

I'm so sorry, what a horrible blow. Pair of absolute bastards.

I don't know her but he had serious mentionitis about her. He managed her at work. I think she's 26ish - he's 41. I don't understand how women knowingly do this to other women.

OP posts:

Original poster

CleanShirt · 23/05/2024 08:13

Porageeater · 23/05/2024 07:06

Absolute lying bawbag, you are way better off without him. This is just a bit of a set back but you will soon bounce back. There is stuff to read which may help like Helen Thorn Get Divorced be Happy and the ‘chump lady’ blog

I think I've lived on the Chump Lady website since January. I feel like he printed out the script and read it to me word for word!

OP posts:

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 23/05/2024 10:06

He has proved himself to be a liar and a coward who was so weak that he couldn't take the honourable (and more difficult) path of sitting you down and telling you the truth in the kindest way he could: that he is in love with someone else and has started a new relationship, he is sorry and knew he should have ended things first etc - instead he lies knowing full well that not being giving the whole story will make you mental ill at a time when you are already incredibly hurt but hey why give you the gift of peace when it makes his life more difficult? A liar, a coward and a selfish one at that. He is not a good man.

Do you have some savings to raid? If so I would take this opportunity to seriously invest in yourself. A good therapist to talk this through with. A stylist or image consultant who can help you refresh your look. New clothes, new hair new makeup. A holiday. Just you. I'm assuming you are close to your ex husbands age? So you have loved one half of a life already. You have another half left to live. Don't waste it. Good luck.

Original poster

CleanShirt · 23/05/2024 10:27

@sunflowrsngunpowdr that's EXACTLY where my brain has been. I've spent 5 months with no definitive answer as to why he left, and haven't been able to tell people why either! Instead he did a runner than painted me out to be some evil, domineering woman who he never loved.

I've been seeing a therapist since quite early on and she's worth her weight in gold. Once the house has sold next month, and after my expenses for my new place and some savings I will have enough for a solo holiday and nice things for me.

Edit - I'm 39, this is my second marriage 😰I shan't be doing it again!

OP posts:

80s · 23/05/2024 10:52

"Coward" is an accurate description.
Took me a good year and a half for the wounds to heal, and even after I'd started dating again I'd still have arguments with my exh for years after, entirely in my head :D
I had thought our relationship was good - better than many. We got on well, no serious arguments, worked as a team. After the affair I was more critical and realised that was mainly due to me making compromises or finding ways round the obstacles my exh put up. Therapy helped me not only with my feelings about the affair but also with the fears and hangups that made me accept his lack of consideration.
My current relationship has really opened my eyes as to what I was missing before. My life has changed in many positive ways.
Make the most of your second chance.

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 23/05/2024 14:10

CleanShirt · 23/05/2024 10:27

@sunflowrsngunpowdr that's EXACTLY where my brain has been. I've spent 5 months with no definitive answer as to why he left, and haven't been able to tell people why either! Instead he did a runner than painted me out to be some evil, domineering woman who he never loved.

I've been seeing a therapist since quite early on and she's worth her weight in gold. Once the house has sold next month, and after my expenses for my new place and some savings I will have enough for a solo holiday and nice things for me.

Edit - I'm 39, this is my second marriage 😰I shan't be doing it again!

Edited

I'm glad to hear you have a good therapist to work with. Things will get better you just have to give yourself time and don't worry what other people are thinking: the truth will come to light eventually, it always does. I really wish you the best of luck for the future and ... never say never! The man of your dreams might be just around the corner 💐

Toomanysquishmallows · 23/05/2024 15:08

unfortunately, the betrayal is always with me . I honestly loathe her with every fibre of my being. I do now have a wonderful partner that I adore . I also realise the ow and the ex are a grubby , Jeremy Kyle type pair that are well suited too each other .