How is it all going to work?

[CaptainBarnacleButt]

My husband and I are separating, and we have an 8yr old daughter ("Emily"). Everything is very amicable, we're very supportive of each other and making sure Emily sees us as friendly, happy to be in each other's company and will still make an effort to do things as a '3'. (Maybe somewhat naive but the intention is there!)

We will soon complete on the purchase of 2 houses, about 10mins away from each other, and still within the same area Emily has grown up in, so same school, same familiarity.

Emily will split her time with us 50/50. What I can't seem to get my head around, is practically speaking, how does it work? The thought of a full week without her seems too long, so maybe 3/4 days at a time?? Is that really disruptive for her though, and will she permanently feel disrupted?
Does she have full sets of uniform etc at each house? Or constantly packing & unpacking the same sets of clothes? I don't want her to feel like she lives out of a suitcase.

So many more questions but just wanting to get a sense of how other split families have made it work? The important thing obviously is what's best for her, not just for us.

We make it work by having practical stuff like uniform ect at both houses as well as duplicates of what they need ie clothes / toys/ iPads / books and stationary ect at both houses ( I know this depends on budget). My younger Dd is at secondary school so I have got her boxes to empty her multiple books so when it’s time to go to her dads we make sure those boxes are empty so she doesn’t forget anything. I also check in with ExH to see what meals he’s made them so I don’t repeat them. It is not 100% full proof things sometimes get forgotten.

I did 50/50 with daughter from aged 8-18.

At first it was a mid-week split, like Sun-Wed; Wed-Sat. As she got older it became one week on, one week off. Later became fortnightly, more or less what she decided in later teen years.

To work well, it really does commit you to living within a short radius of each other, so that school is possible/easy for both -- and local friends. Both parents need to have spare stuff, so it does duplicate things like clothes to some extent.
What helps -- being flexible, so it's fine to pick up stuff from the other house if needed (for example). Also to shift time to allow for parental birthdays, mothers day, Xmas, etc.. Having a sensible means of communicating between parents, without the child being the 'messenger'. Don't think everything has to be exactly 50%; fathers can take daughters to hair salons or bra shopping, but it's less cringe if the mother does that. Fathers might be better placed for late night collections in the car, maybe.

What can go wrong? Advice from some people (including a few on here) will tell you it's wrong, mothers should have more time, etc. That's a bit annoying to deal with. Any big divergence in living standards between parents can be an issue -- one offers a weekend holiday in Blackpool, the other takes the child to Bali for 3 weeks. New partners and child on the scene may become issues, in particular if new partners feel threatened by an amicable relationship between you and the ex. I'd say that children hold out hopes for a reconciliation FAR longer than the parents, and particularly if the parents seem to get on OK. It's also difficult for younger children to make requests that they think will hurt either parent.

Anyway, best of luck!

We do that they go to dads for the night every Wednesday and he drops them back to me before school Thursday morning. Then we alternate every other weekend 4pm Friday until 4pm Sunday. During the summer holidays they then have one full week with dad and one full week with me but keep the rest as the normal routine.
It works well for us. My eldest is 14 and sometimes she doesn't go over on the Wednesday evenings but she always goes every other weekend.
For context my children are 14,11 and 8.

You’re both clearly putting your daughter front and centre @CaptainBarnacleButt and really care about her needs before yours. I think if you and your ex stay on the same page you’ll make it work.

I split with my DH when my DD was 4. At the beginning we did a schedule of splitting the week and then alternate weekends. When she started secondary school, we moved to one week at each house and we switch over every Sunday evening. This works better as it wasn't feasible any other way, when she has so much school stuff etc...

She's always had clothes at each house and everything that she needs. The only things she switches between the two houses is all her uniform and school school.

Friends who are separated are doing 50/50 with the pattern:
Him: Mon/Tues (collect from school Mon pm, drops to school Wed am)
Her: Wed/Thurs (collect from school Wed pm, drop at school Fri am)
And then Fri-Sun they alternate weeks. (Pick up from school Fri pm, drop at school Mon am)

So they get consistent weekdays and can plan around it and it's always the same parent taking the child to that day's extra curricular, plus they choose what they each pay for on their days. It also means they can stick to the same pattern in the school holidays and both know when they'll need to arrange childcare or take time off work.
And they both get weekends with and without the child.

Child has full sets of stuff at both houses so it's just them moving between.