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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Weight

12 replies

Kellymama · 21/05/2024 18:38

Just had to take myself off for a little cry.
I was on my Snapchat and there was a memory of me in a bikini from 6 years ago, I was a size 8 . My partner saw , went off to the kitchen, came back and said ' let's get you back to being that blonde and skinny ' .....
I'm currently a size 12 , I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old .

How do I respond and address this ?
I feel like he's trying to break me.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 21/05/2024 18:48

Well maybe you should leave him. That'll be 15 stone of dead weight gone in an instant.

If you feel like someone is 'trying to break you', then that person is someone you need to get the hell away from, ASAP.

I'm assuming he has form for this shit.
And not that you have postnatal depression and are very vocal about wanting to be that weight again and he was just vocalising what you often do, (tactless-ly).

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/05/2024 18:51

"Let's get you back to being less of a cunt".

Or has he always been a cunt?

Kellymama · 21/05/2024 18:54

Yes this isn't the first time, he often makes comments and then says he's ' joking ' afterwards.

He also has a terrible porn habit where it's gone as far as paying for it online and messaging the women back and forth telling them they're beautiful etc ( I found out when I was 7weeks pregnant, went on his phone ) My self confidence has been at 0 since.

So now I fully see he isn't attracted to me, or nothing I do will ever be good enough .

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 21/05/2024 18:59

Love, nothing any women ever does will ever be good enough for him. Because he is a cup with a hole in it. No mater how much of yourself you pour in, he will always remain empty. He will never be full. But you can always be drained.

So give yourself permission to stop pouring.

Leave him and you'll find your self confidence starts to return, slowly but surely. You cannot heal with a knife still stuck in your back.

Get him gone.
Run for the fucking hills.
Men do not determine our worth.

Summerpepsi32 · 21/05/2024 19:01

Pinkbonbon · 21/05/2024 18:59

Love, nothing any women ever does will ever be good enough for him. Because he is a cup with a hole in it. No mater how much of yourself you pour in, he will always remain empty. He will never be full. But you can always be drained.

So give yourself permission to stop pouring.

Leave him and you'll find your self confidence starts to return, slowly but surely. You cannot heal with a knife still stuck in your back.

Get him gone.
Run for the fucking hills.
Men do not determine our worth.

Edited

This

Summerpepsi32 · 21/05/2024 19:02

@Kellymama I'm sorry to hear your going through this , you deserve so much more, sending you hugs x

Kellymama · 21/05/2024 19:06

I've tried to leave so many times, I hope one day I'll be able to do it for good.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 21/05/2024 19:10

What's been the things that have stopped you before? Maybe you can tackle them one by one to make it easier to get out and stay out.

Is it finance related or does he reel you back in with false promises? So you have any support in real life (family/good friends). Have you spoken to womens aid?

Kellymama · 21/05/2024 19:14

Pinkbonbon · 21/05/2024 19:10

What's been the things that have stopped you before? Maybe you can tackle them one by one to make it easier to get out and stay out.

Is it finance related or does he reel you back in with false promises? So you have any support in real life (family/good friends). Have you spoken to womens aid?

I end up feeling guilty that I've taken my eldest son away, think he needs a dad around , and I convince myself I can deal with all the emotional abuse if it means the boys have a family unit.
He always promises the world , then things are good for a few weeks , then go right back to how they were.
I'd struggle financially and id have nowhere I can go permanently.
No I haven't spoken to them. He doesn't physically abuse me .

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 21/05/2024 19:37

Surprisingly if it's that (which it commonly is) then this is actually an easy fix.
It requires a perspective shift-

Op what do you hope for your boy to become when he is grown?
Surely, a happy person, a kind man, who is capable of healthy adult relationships and dates kind, happy women.

Sound about right?

How is he going to do that when his idea of what a relationship looks like is cold, and warped and painful. When all he saw was his father treating his mother shaudily...and his mother staying and taking it.

It is only in leaving that you do right for your son.
By giving him a happy home and happy mother. That cannot be achieved if you remain with his dad.

Secondly, as someone who witnessed her mother stay with an abuser (grandparent) I can't tell you how often I wished she would choose herself and get the fuck away from this person. How hurtful it is for a child to feel responsible for protecting their parent from an abuser.

That is how your child will feel if you stay.
That is...assuming they don't go the other way - and become an abuser like him. Do you want that? Your beautiful, warm, bright son...to be moulded into a cruel man like him?

You have a chance to save your child from this and raise him right.

To show him we do not stay with bullies. That we choose good and joy and light. You cannot do that in that dark home with that evil man.

For your son, leave.

Pinkbonbon · 21/05/2024 19:38

The money side is trickier.
But speak to womens aid for a start. And if you have supportive family, TELL them what's going on. Reach out for help.

Kellymama · 21/05/2024 20:01

Thank you for all your help and advice!
Getting in touch with women's aid

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