Long Distance Relationship and Jealousy

[Hoolet]

Would love to hear anyone else’s experiences.

I seem to have got myself into a long distance relationship by accident. Fell in love with someone and work/life has taken us in opposite directions.

I trust my partner but my jealousy and insecurity is so difficult to manage. He works with someone who is very passionate about him (he turned her down) and also socialises a lot with people I don’t know and who don’t know about me.

I find it so hard. I know there is no point in me trying to control what goes on elsewhere but I struggle with managing my own emotions. Anyone else?

Is it/he really worth it? Honestly. A healthy relationship adds value to your life and makes you feel good. It is not supposed to make you feel insecure, jealous and paranoid.

It is temporary so I think it probably is worth it. My experience is that the world isn’t full of single men who share the same interests as me - I’d like to stick with this one if I can. And we do get a lot of support from checking in with each other and talking about what we’re up to.

It’s just … attractive man out in the world without partner…

Why don't his friends know about you? That's weird.

We work in the same industry (lots of short term contracts abroad) and I am negotiating a job move to be closer to him. The woman who is chasing him (and says she is in love with him) happens to be on the panel for my selection in a year’s time.

I asked him not to say anything to anyone in case she jeopardised my chances at interview.

Bumping

I agree with @Aquamarine1029 : If he's committed to you, he'd be wanting to tell his friends & family. My ex didn't tell about us - various different reasons, but in the end it showed lack of commitment to me / us that showed through in the end.

I've been in a LDR for 2.5 years. 3.5 hour drive away. No prospect of this changing for years due to our circumstances. My partner is super friendly, very sociable, and women flock to him when we are out. He has a massive social circle and I don't know most of them personally. He's not a huge texter and I often go a couple of days without hearing from him - sometimes more - he's off to a festival tomorrow and I know I won't hear a peep until mid next week.

However I do trust him completely to be faithful. It helps that he's had two very long term relationships before me, and never been unfaithful - it seems not to be in his nature and I'm very grateful for that. We are very happy these days after several stumbles and a couple of separations, because LDRs are not easy. He talks about me to his friends and family all the time.

it would have been torture if I was feeling jealous on top of all the other difficulties we have in being able to spend enough time together. I feel for you. It sounds like it may be difficult for you to make this work. Relationships should make you happy, especially in the early days.

Edited to add that I have had moments of jealousy of course. Moments when I question myself and him - because he could literally be living a double life if he wanted. Insecurity about what he wants and the future. However I always think - everything he has ever told me always adds up - I've never caught him in a lie - the friends and family of his who I have met are completely open to me. So I live enjoying the moment and hoping the best for the future. It helps that I am older (49) and have my own hugely busy life. Wishing you all the best.

This. Mine lives 30-40 minutes away and I work full time and have children. His work colleagues know about me. It’s early days for us we are a full months in- yet all his colleagues know about me. I’m invited to a birthday party of a friend next week, and his son (25) knows about me and is cooking dinner next week, my children are younger (17 / 10) so he’s not meeting them quite yet but they know about him. He’s meeting some old uni friends of mine next weekend. Etc if you meet someone and it’s good you want to discuss them a bit - my work colleagues know etc

I was in a LTR for a bit and we generally communicated fairly well with good morning, good night and messages in between which worked okay and generally felt at ease.

Unfortunately it didn’t work out because his need for attention meant he was messaging others and he didn’t match the effort I was giving the relationship. But I don’t think all people are like this so don’t take it as a sign yours won’t work!

I do think LTR are hard if you have a disagreement or argument as they are much more difficult and lengthier to resolve. Having said that I would have one again for the right person.

Maybe have a chat about what you both consider to be respectful boundaries and see if you can figure it out.

I think bleak jealous thoughts and feel really annoyed with him; then realise they were entirely of my own making and feel really annoyed with myself. It’s not great.

Is the jealousy coming from a fear of what happens if it doesn’t work out? If so just remember if it doesn’t work out then the world won’t end etc … it will hurt of course but you would survive. Mine ended a few weeks ago and it hurts but it’s okay.

Don’t ruin it by jealousy, but that being said you should both work at what would make you feel more secure if you are serious about giving it a good go. Tell him how you feel, if he’s a keeper then he will work with you to resolve it, if he tries to make out you are simply paranoid etc then he isn’t a keeper …