Says its Banter

[SarahM180]

My partner says things as banter that are really hurtful twice he has insulted my private parts saying it looks battered and that its a massive gap also i have been very ill and trying to do things to help myself try to get better and he says its in my head i said this is hurtful but he just gets angry says its banter and does not care about my feelings and deflects onto somthing else that bothers him that has nothing to do with the conversation i am sick of being insulted what would you do?

Urgh he sounds vile.

Ask him to define 'banter'.

Tell him he isn't funny. Even if HE finds it funny to insult your body, you don't find it funny (obviously). If you laughed at the shape and size of his penis would he think it was funny and laugh along? As someone who's meant to love you and to want you to be happy, as soon as he realised you didn't find it funny he would have stopped, and never done it again.

He's either very very immature and stupid and has the sense of humour of a 13 year old, or he's being hurtful intentionally.

Either way, not an attractive prospect and someone you need to get away from.

THIS!! thanks MermaidEyes - it's the perfect phrase!

What would I do?

I'd make him an ex partner.

Oh yes, the banter. And the absolutely hilarious jokes. Like - "My wife and I share a sense of humour. We have to, she doesn't have one." I can tell you I am not in the first flush of youth, but if any arsehole ever insulted my fanjo it would slam shut so fast, never to open again, at least not for him.

I don't know what your exact circumstances are but you need to leave this pig to sit and play with that silly little chipolata sausage between his legs until it goes black and drops off. In the meantime you'll be off with some <insert here the name of your celebrity of choice> look alike getting rogered so often that it will make your eyes water. Pig! Leave him, sweetie, if you can.

Banter is back and forth light teasing or joking. It's not nasty insults and it's not one person saying things to silence or upset another person.

Before kicking the tosser out, I would give him one opportunity to explain what is witty, clever or amusing about his comments.

Purely out of interest, not to give him a chance

He's not nice to you. He knows it upsets you and he doesn't care. You deserve better

It's only 'banter' when both parties are being amused.

He, is just a god damned bully.

Op, I expect given your lack of response, it's because you don't want to believe what people are saying and want to believe he's not that bad.

So, to help you - reverse your roles, would you ever behave like he is to you, to him? So that's telling him his dick is too small and ugly, getting angry whenever he's ill and tell him to man up, it's in his head. And then get angry if he says anything, it's just a laugh isn't it?

Don't know if this is the right way to reply I am new here. Thank you all for you're messages, he sent a message 10am acting like nothing happened then another 8 hours later also acting like nothing happened no apology just saying hope I got to see my family, he usually voice notes I got none which is unusual for him, I got a messages then at 10.20pm saying he just finished work not sure I believe that tbh as he started in the morning, I should add I am very ill bedbound with muscular dystrophy so it upset me he didn't even worry how I was when I didn't answer his texts. I don't know how someone can say nasty things pass them off as banter then act like nothing has happened.

Yes, that's the right way to reply.

I'm not in the least bit surprised he's pretending like nothing's happened. He's continuing to act like he's done nothing wrong, so he can continue chipping away at your confidence and self worth, all whilst making you feel unreasonable or like you're overreacting to be bothered by it.

It sounds like he's emotionally abusive, and it's very much his intention to hurt you. So he's not going to see this from your point of view, feel bad, and apologise for it.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with your health at the moment. You need people in your life who support you, not bring you down. It's been proven that emotional and psychological abuse can have a very detrimental physical impact, due to a rise in cortisol levels. In short, you really don't need this right now. It's highly probable that he's making your health issues worse.

Leave? Have you no self respect?

It's not Banter, he's an disgusting, abusive, negging bully. Make that the last time he ever disrespects you and dump him asap.

WHY are you still with that bag of disgusting shit?

Tell him ''my fanny may be battered with a massive gap but at least it's natural, I'd love to know what YOUR excuse is!''

Then dump him fast, change the locks etc.