Handhold please

[ThatCoralBiscuit]

I met my husband when I was 19 and I now 45 next month. Over the past two years, our relationship has completely broken down. He has slept on the sofa for the past two years and does not seem to have any interest in me at all. There is no intimacy, he has resorted to eating one meal a day, binge drinking when he is not working the next day and also not wanting to plan or do anything with me ever.
He goes to the gym regularly with my son but does not want or seem to desire to anything to plan for the future.
I have asked if he wants a chat to talk about our future but he does not seem interested.
My 16 year old is currently doing his GCSE and my middle daughter has complex AEN which is why I am hesitant to upset the apple cart too much.
However, I can’t carry on just being house mates and being lonely. I am really scared about the future as I met my husband so young, I am not sure who I am without him.
I am scared of societal judgement and what the future actually holds. I am also frightened that it is me who is saying that I am not happy but he must also not be happy too- he just wont talk about it .
Everyone I know seems to be in a happy relationship and this makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.

In the politest possible way, OP - fuck what anyone else thinks.

You're 45. You might have another 50 years left on this planet. Do you want to spend them like this, with this man? If not, leave. The future will be different from what you've envisaged, it'll be strange, it'll be scary at times. But you'll feel free and everything will be okay in the end.

Good luck to you, OP. 🙂

If it really has just been the past 2 years and before that things were great, then I'd say your relationship is salvageable. If possible, go to counseling by yourself to get support and advice on how to deal with your husband. Then do your best to get him to join couples counseling. If he categorically refuses, then unfortunately there's not much left that you can do. It take 2 people to save a marriage.

Sorry you are going through this. I don’t think there is any societal judgement these days. We only have one life and we have to be happy.

I would just get through the GCSEs and then perhaps over the summer can you spend some time away even for a day to spend together and talk?

If you were 20 or 30 years older I might say joint counselling might be worth a try. As it is, you have probably outgrown each other - and you have half your life ahead of you. This is your watershed moment - grab your future and make it the best life possible..... without him.

What were things like before? Did anything happen to change them? Do you want to repair this relationship or end it - no judgement either way. First steps - you need to talk to your DH.