Fiance doesn't always finish anymore.. if you know what i mean

[jessicawellsxx]

we have been apart due to both working in opposite sides of the country so I can imagine he is doing a lot of you know... on his own
when we are together 2-3 weeks at a time when we have s3x he doesn't always finish, he blames the heat or that its a lot of work (i don't really like going on top lol) and a lot of the time he does end up finishing himself off. I have put on a stone over the last 6 months - i am wondering if its my weight or is this normal? he doesn't seem concerned or embarrassed... even when I go down on him its rare i get him to finish, i only try for 10mins or so though, but i have never had any complaints before lol!! anyone experienced this and could tell me what it could be?

Hi. You haven't gave a ton of details. For instance how old is he? Sometimes as men age they can struggle to keep going, fitness levels decrease and so on. If you are not as fit as you once were, maybe that is a factor, if you are struggling to go on top. Tbh being a pillow princess is often shamed but I do think it's easier for men than it is women to be the one on top.

I wouldn't worry too much right now. Everyone has off days. Maybe he's stressed.

You can put he wanks

it’ll be the death grip and porn he needs to stop both for awhile and it’ll go back to normal

nowt to do with your weight gain but that seems to be an issue for you and only you can change that.

I think maybe you are overthinking this, sounds like a stressful work situation for both of you, so unlikely to be an ideal context for hot sex - (you don't say whether you're climaxing).

Plus you're anxious about your weight gain (which sounds a lot in just 6 months - why?)

Another vote for wanks. Is he circumcised? Having it out harden the skin a bit also. But my real thoughts are in wanks.
There is a thing now with some men that do it, they loose the touch with penetrative sex because manually the force applied is bigger.

You can ask him to wank a bit less
how old and is he on and meds - as some types will cause this as a side effect

I’m going to say it’s death grip too, especially if you’re apart for weeks at a time

What the actual fuck is
death grip!
I've never heard it before!

Death grip is a big thing on MN. In the real world not so much, there is no actual, proven, scientific evidence that backs up the theory that men who wank alot do so using such a hard grip that it desensitises them to a real woman.
I'm not being funny, but I masturbate a lot (I'm a woman with a HIGH sex drive) - I certainly haven't required a firmer and firmer touch because I'm wearing my clit out.

Back to your DP - how old is he OP? Have you spoken properly to him about it? Is he stressed/tired etc? Has anything changed between you?
Don't just think 'death grip' and write it off - there could be a medical underlying reason although it is unlikely if he can achieve orgasm himself.

Well a clit isn’t a penis, and men report this themselves, as much as some women seem to like to dismiss it as something that only exists in the heads of mumsneters, I’d rather listen to mens own experiences with it.

How long have you been together? If it does come down to porn use, I think I’d bin him off because I just don’t think pornsick men are worth the time based on my own experiences.

Which men? I've never, ever come across (no pun intended..!) any! Where are these men?

You’re free to Google it, brings up loads of results. Here’s a start for you:

https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-cure-myself-of-the-death-grip-syndrome
https://www.healthline.com/health/death-grip-syndrome
https://www.quora.com/I-recovered-from-prone-masturbation-but-fell-into-the-trap-of-a-death-grip-What-should-I-do
https://www.lybrate.com/topic/mastrubation-death-grip-syndrome/4b4bea81a2ce22ff071329bc56ab719e
https://www.quora.com/I-have-been-conditioned-to-the-death-grip-form-of-masturbation-for-over-a-decade-As-a-result-I-cannot-orgasm-during-sex-without-masturbating-Is-this-reversible
https://www.forhims.co.uk/blog/death-grip-syndrome

Could be stress, or just too much porn and jerking off when he’s not with you.

Whats with all these posts lately saying s3x and not being able to use words relating to sex. Weird.

Maybe that’s part of the problem, that you need to use your words and actually communicate with your partner.

Anyone denying death grip and saying it’s a thing made up by women, is a man with a problem themselves. 😉

So it's a man wanking to porn so much he has gone off/ not interested/ can't be arsed with his real life breathing flesh and blood partner?
Have I got that right?
How utterly fucking grim.

@Epidote he is 28 and yes he is circumsized. he is under a lot of stress and we have been arguing lately, so i was concerned he might not be attracted to me anymore..

@jessicawellsxx stress is also a very big factor.
I wouldn't think is because of you. If that were the case he just didn't even try in my opinion.

Being circumcised generally makes men less sensitive and stress kills libido stone dead

Is he on antidepressants? This problem is a common side effect of some of them

No it doesn’t the sensitive bit that is

Some people might disagree with you about that

https://blogs.bmj.com/medical-ethics/2016/04/22/circumcision-and-sexual-function-bad-science-reporting-misleads-parents/

You do that study’s are skewed. I cant see how many did the study either plus this is dated 2016 so 8 years ago, as you know in the medical field it changes consistently.

are you using condoms? My OH is circumcised and was struggling to finish because they weren't comfortable so he did some research and bought a different brand which seem to be much better (first time we used them, one might say they were too good!)

Hey OP,

I can pretty much guarantee that it's not because he's not attracted to you. As an authority on the equipment (I have a set) I can firmly state that while attraction will play a part in getting and maintaining an erection, finishing is literally just a case of "penis + friction + time = orgasm"

So it'll be a case of one of the items in the first half of the equation being missing.

Time - If he's stressed out and tired, he's probably flagging before he's ready to come. I've been there, you want to get over the finish line but you just can't find the last bit of energy to get there and eventually you give up.

Friction - This one should really be "feeling of friction". Could be one of a few things. Either there's more lubrication than usual, he's a bit more desensitised than usual (whether through masturbation or a few beers), or the position isn't great.

Penis - I'll assume this one isn't missing!

You mention oral isn't doing any good. It's unlikely to. One of the reasons men like blowjobs is because they're spectacularly bad at making us orgasm. They feel good, but not so good that they'll tip us over the edge too quickly. If you want a man to come quickly, your best bet is your hand. Hand is quicker than sex, which is quicker than a blowjob.

Alternatively, if you want him to orgasm during penetrative sex, then doggy style is most mens kryptonite. It's relatively low effort for him compared to missionary, and has the advantage that you can do some of the work too by rocking backwards. It's also high friction.

Hopefully I haven't gone a bit TMI and the above is helpful!