I don’t like my DH anymore

[totallyfedup]

As the title says I don’t like my DH anymore, I don’t know if it is a peri-menopause thing or not but most of the time he just annoys me. We’ve been together over 30 years, have DC and he was my first serious boyfriend. We recently went on holiday just the two of us and I didn’t enjoy it because of him. I didn’t enjoy his company, I just don’t think we get on anymore.

I’m quite chilled, like to relax, eat nice food, take my time exploring whereas he sees paying for nice food a waste of money and would rather eat Pot Noodles in the hotel room (!), rushes about at 100mph, wants to be always doing something. He is also terribly tight with money when he has no need to be as we both earn well.

We have not been intimate this year and I have no desire to be at all which sounds awful I know. He calls me miserable whereas he’s the fun parent. He does help out around the house and does his share of the cooking and cleaning.

I don’t even feel comfortable sleeping next to him as he says I make a weird clicking/snoring noise that keeps him awake and I fidget in my sleep (I can’t help either) so I’ve said when one of the DC leaves for uni I will move into their room).

I also think he’s neurodivergent (not that this is a negative at all) but he has some really odd habits, he’s fixated on lists and always doing things. He eats the same foods over and over. He has body dysmorphia in the over 30 years I have known him he’s always thought he is fat (he is nowhere near fat) so much so he is always exercising and trying to lose weight. He never shows his stomach or has allowed me to touch it. As the DC have become young adults they’ve started to notice all of this and even question why we are together as we are so different.

There’s not much hope is there? 😞

No, there isn't. Any chance of a clean amicable split up?

Oh god I'm the same op. Been with him since I was 22, going through menopause atm. Sick to death of him. As you say, I just don't enjoy his company. I've heard all his stories a million times. Some of the stuff he tells our lads to impress them I just eyeroll, I was there and it's so embellished.

Not sure what the alternative is though sadly. We have separate rooms already as he snores terribly. Sending best wishes ❤

Separate rooms here too, and no intention of ever sharing one. I tolerate him, which saddens me. But his habits and hygiene leave me cold.

That's a shame after so long together but it sounds like you've just been coasting rather than enjoying each other. No sex at all this year could be down to hormones but it doesn't look good. He may be autistic, going by some of what you wrote. If he likes routine and is quite square about what he likes and doesn't like (same food, obsession with fitness and so on). Speak to him and see how he feels. Maybe a break up once your kids have moved out if you can wait?

It's understandable. He doesn't sound like a terrible person, as you've described him, just not the person you want to be with any more. We all want a marriage to be forever, but honestly, it's usually for the best to end them when the love has died and there's no way in sight to rekindle it.

@CampervanKween @LizzieBennett73 sorry you’re feeling like this too it totally sucks
I do still have a sex drive though just not for him lol
Our youngest is 15 and I’m thinking of starting a Freedom Fund for a few years time, the mortgage should be paid off by then too we could sell this house split the equity and I could buy somewhere else for myself, I often fantasise about having my own little house decorated just the way I want, lovely and peaceful. He is very loud and has encouraged the DC to be loud (most of them) to the point they scream at each other.
Saturday night they were all downstairs TV blaring them screaming and shouting, DH drinking and I was upstairs hiding in my bedroom alone.

That sounds like a nightmare, I couldn’t live on a loud house like that.

I don’t like him either now after hearing that!!

Start that fund and get organised.
A better future awaits you, certainly a more peaceful one.
Can you turn another room into a bedroom for you in the meantime?
Continue to detach emotionally and get serious about building up your support network outside the home.

This relationship has run its course. It's time to end it and to move on. Why even wait? Put plans into action now. These things happen.

How are you doing op? @totallyfedup