Sick of being the one always making the effort

[BigHoops]

I'm sure there are many threads that have been done on this already, but I can't find anything recent so I'm starting my own.

As my title says...I'm sick of being the one who always seems to make the effort in my friendships.

I'm a bit of a forward planner (as is DH - thankfully!) and I always like to have things to look forward to. It is a bit anxiety based I think, based on the worry of having nothing to do and no one to see. Which is ridiculous as I have DH and DC!

If you look on my social media, you'd assume I have a life filled with friends and socializing. But it's like that because I make it like that! I'm always suggesting playdates, nights out, meals etc. And yes, mostly people say yes, I think we all have a nice time and the invitation is usually reciprocated. But I can't help but feel - what would happen if I stopped asking? I've already done with a few friends - taken a step back and gone silent to see if they will notice (yep I'm aware how childish that sounds!). And...they haven't. So I guess that's my answer.

I just feel very aware that I'm always asking and doing the running. I am deeply envious of those people I see with seemingly easy friendship groups, going on holiday with other families, big gatherings etc.

And I hate getting the vague response of 'oh well maybe we are free, I don't know, I'll get back to you' and they never do! I always know exactly if I'm free and if I don't - I'll be sure to find out ASAP! But I get that I am perhaps in a minority with that 😁

DH isn't bothered - he has few friends, preferring quality over quantity, but is always happy to meet with other families and couples.

It's all been getting to me of late. Recently the friends who've reached out to me are those who've wanted something - babysitting, dog walking etc. I'll never say no but I guess that encourages folk to take advantage?

Realistically I know I am lucky to have the friends I have and there is a core who are loyal and will always be there for me. And I know that people are busy, tired and less inclined to socialize post lockdowns. I'm just fed up of trying - especially when I'm working full time, yet still making the effort with friends. It doesn't seem very fair!

Anyone else feel this way, or can help me gain some much needed perspective? Thanks!

Keep doing the work - if you're getting something for it (which I guess mainly you are).

You say DH prefers quality over quantity - guess you just need to discriminate a bit too: Make the effort if you get the reward, just don't be afraid to not make the effort if it's something you don't want. Differentiate between core friends you'd go the extra mile for and who would do the same for you, and those who'll take if it suits them but not reciprocate.

If you look on my social media, you'd assume I have a life filled with friends and socializing. But it's like that because I make it like that!

I am deeply envious of those people I see with seemingly easy friendship groups, going on holiday with other families, big gatherings etc.

You know social media is a fake front page, don’t you? You said so yourself and you acknowledge other people’s lives are ‘seemingly’ easy friendships. Someone has to organise those gatherings, and it’s usually the same people time after time, honestly. And that’s because either they enjoy it or they need it.

I bet you’re actually deeply appreciated by your friends for being the initiator.