Limerence and antidepressants

[Ifonly33]

NC for this…

Today I’ve discovered what the word ‘limerence’ means and it explains so many of my experiences with crushes. I had 3 very intense, all consuming crushes in my 20s and one in my 30s.

Since having children and being on antidepressants for PND I didn’t have any and it was weirdly relaxing. I decided to come off my meds because they were making me feel very meh about everything, no sad emotions but no happy either. After one dose reduction I became completely obsessed with an older colleague I worked with 3 years ago who I have absolutely no contact with and felt absolutely nothing for at the time? I mean, what on Earth?!

It gradually went away after a few weeks. But now I have another very inappropriate crush on a married tradesman doing work on our house (now I’m the cliché SAHM falling in love with builders FFS). The work is finishing this week but I feel sick constantly when he’s here, I can’t sleep or eat and I’m distracted when I’m with my DC.

I don’t want to feel this way, should I go back on antidepressants to stop these bloody awful all consuming crushes? I am hesitant because I feel better off the medication, clearer headed and generally more ‘me’ (the crazy obsessive me though 😂)

Has anyone else experienced this and what did you do about it? Obviously as soon as the builder leaves the feelings will fade but it won’t be long before another one comes along.

Please be kind, unless you’ve experienced something like this it’s easy to say - ‘get a grip’ but these feelings and thoughts are so intense, it really messes with your head!

Sounds like boredom and a need for unattainable men to be in your eyeliner in order to have a safe crush without the pressure of an affair. I'd try therapy to explore what's underlying it all.

Perhaps instead of the word limerence, it might be better to explore more psychological terms relating to what you might call 'obsessive love' or some such.
There are plenty of ways in which what we call 'crushes' may be a function of poor mental health -- eg they may be a consequence of low self-esteem, social anxiety, 'emotionally unstable personality disorder, generalised obsessionality, etc.
Because of those associations, it doesn't seem surprising that crushes may resolve when your mental health improves more generally as a result of ADs.
I don't have any answers, but I just think that a focus on the niche term limerence may hide some of the more psychologically informed resources that may be available online?

I do feel bored as a SAHM so that probably doesn’t help but in my twenties I was anything but bored in a highly stressful job. I’m definitely going to try therapy before considering going back on ADs though, that is good advice thank you.

I think its another example of pathologising something normal. We are human. We get crushes and attracted to others. It can feel really good and really shameful. We don't need to act on them but it can feel like a compulsion.

When you think that the brain only cares that we survive and reproduce it makes sense.

This makes sense. I think I just found the term and was like ‘Ooh, that’s me! Exactly me! 😂
I feel like I’m at the beginning of figuring this all out after many years of having very little understanding of my behaviour or my mental health in general. I know I won’t find all the answers but I think therapy could help me.

You can still get limerance on AD'S.

People who have obsessive thoughts in general are more phone to limerance I think.

I totally get this.

I read once that crushes are a self-defence mechanism to give us a shot of dopamine when we need.

It makes a lot of sense in those terms.

This makes so much sense! The human brain is clever sometimes.