Husband behaving like 14yr old DD

[RiceBubbless]

Looking for any advice on what to do as I have no-one I can talk to about this in the real world.
Husband was trying to say something at dinner on Friday, DD talked over him (but just excited comment on the topic) he then refused to continue and I called him out as a bad example for the kids by sulking. He stormed off and since then acts as if we don't exist. Not talking to us, going out without telling me, and refusing dinner. And not helping with anything. The really frustrating thing is it is just like my 14 yr old DD behaves often, refusing to talk, refusing to join us for meals and refusing to eat. She is recently diagnosed ADHD, and I am trying to help her find better ways to cope and he is doing exactly the same.
He is particularly taking it out on DD who Im afraid will feel her Dad hates her.
Is he just majorly depressed (was diagnosed a few months ago but refused any treatment) or is he just a PINA?
Marriage is just like a business enterprise, we tolerate each other to raise the kids, no sex, and I think he doesn't like me. I can't leave for financial reasons. I just want him to stop hurting DD and setting such a bad example.

You find a way to leave this man because your marriage is over. The damage he is doing to his own children can't be understated. Stonewalling and the silent treatment are abuse.

He's abusing you and your DD. You have to leave him.

You'll have to figure out how to do this financially unfortunately. You can't stay with this man.

That said he also likely has ADHD as well as depression. But he's not willing to get help so it doesn't make a difference.

Thank you for your perspective. It really helps.

You can understand a 14 year old acting that way because they are immature and still a child, but when a grown adult man acts that way, there's really no excuse for it.

If he's taking it out on your dd, you need to get her out of the situation.

The power of example is stronger than most things, so he's undoing everything you're trying to achieve with her.

Plus he's going to ruin her self esteem.

If he won't accept help for his mh problems, then there's nothing to do but get out.

What a great example he is showing your daughter.
You need to have a serious conversation with him about what his actions are showing your teenager.

Teenagers act that way because they are a mix of hormones and emotions and their brains aren’t fully developed so they often don’t act rationally. Adults acting that way need to get a grip.

You do not tolerating each other to raise the kids, it's damaging. And a really poor example for them of what relationships should be like!

please find a way to leave or it will just get worse.

Notwithstanding all the other points made, maybe this is the short sharp shock your DD needs about her behaviour.
You said that you've been trying (not yet successfully?) to get her to change her behaviour towards you..
Maybe actually seeing that same behaviour applied to her will give her something to think about.
At the very least don't do to someone else what you don't want done to you.
Hopefully by 14 she's starting to develop empathy to some extent, this could be something to work on.

It doesn't sound like a healthy environment for raising children. Marriage is not a business relationship and two parents who don't like each other going through the motions is going to have an effect on your family life. Your husband sounds like he's unhappy and taking it out on you and DD which is not fair. Can you improve your relationship with him? Couples counselling? Or it might be time to sit down and work out a way to split as amicably as possible.

Did you point out to your DD that she had spoken over him?

It seems you reprimanded him "publicly" but not your DD.

Although as everyone has pointed out your marriage is over so you need to make a decision.

My DGS has adhd , autism..he butts in all the time when passionate, it is trait of some with adhd. We do say ' i haven't finished , you can have say in moment etc...its absolutely reasonable to pull husband up, hes an adult and its up to mum and dad to gently explain to DD about the way a conversation works. The husband is stonewalling and punishing everyone...hes abusive.

@Loubelle70 houseful of ND here. Still not ok to NOT say anything to the DD she's 14 not 4 and then call him in front of the DC.

Does not negate he is being abusive now with his stonewalling.

He is clinically depressed, calling him out then rather than speaking to him later wasn't going to end well. Do his medical issues not deserve consideration?

I didn't say that..i said : I haven't finished yet etc, so that does let DD know the process of conversation ..and yes her husband does need support, only if he supports himself and seeks help and not punish everyone else .. other than that OP has enough on and he is an adult. His childish behaviour is a problem. I also have daughter who has aspergers an ex with ADD and 2 grandkids on the spectrum.

Not really, some ND kids dont understand short sharp shock, they just internalise it and probably over talk some more to disarm the situation and gain anxiety to boot

Great comments. Thanks everyone. I will definitely take on board how to deal with her interrupting in future, as well as see if we can salvage the marriage. Your comments have really opened my eyes. He's still ignoring her, semi talking to me today.

So you only stay together for the kids, but this is how he treats the kids? Why stay together then?! For god sake, he’s setting an awful example for the kids, and frankly, you’re both demonstrating a bad model of a relationship should be.

So, he's been abusing you for ages, and now he's abusing your DD?

Sulking and silent treatment is abuse. What he's doing is ensuring that DD never does anything he doesn't like.

And frankly, if your DD is starting this behaviour too, you should be nipping thisin the bud as that would make her the abusive one down the line.