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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband doesn't want sex with me

3 replies

Shedrovemetodaytimetv · 19/05/2024 22:28

I don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this but I'm just feeling so shit at the moment and don't have anyone to talk to. DH and I have a 19 month old DD and the issue is that we haven't had sex for almost 2 years now. We didn't really have sex while I was pregnant as we both felt a bit weird about it (DH more so than me) and after baby arrived we were just so exhausted. We don't live near family so everything is more intense and we never really get time to ourselves. I have tried in the past to say that I think we need to make time for sex but he's just brushed it off and said it's hard now but it'll get easier. Today I decided I was going to make a real effort after DD went to sleep. I got her into bed, went downstairs in my most revealing PJs and found DH in a crap mood because he'd broken a key in a lock which is potentially now going to require a locksmith. This is probably the straw that broke the camel's back to be fair, as we've had a lot of issues with our house recently. I then got a bit upset and explained I missed being a couple and had hoped we could have sex tonight. He told me he misses having time as a couple too and we had a heart to heart, but he made absolutely no effort to initiate any intimacy of any kind. I'm left feeling so deflated and like he just doesn't fancy me any more. Has anyone been through anything similar? Did you manage to make it work?

OP posts:
Angeldelight50 · 19/05/2024 22:45

From what you have said, it doesn’t sound like he’s not attracted to you. It sounds to me like you are both exhausted and have ended up in a rut.

I would take it as a good sign that you were able to have a heart to heart and find out that he feels the same way as you do. Try not to overthink him not immediately initiating intimacy. I’d assume emotions were running high after your chat and maybe even an element of awkwardness, some people can’t just switch it ‘on’.

Perhaps you could set up a date night? Make it clear you’re hoping to have some alone time and reconnect. See how he responds and take it from there.

Shedrovemetodaytimetv · 20/05/2024 06:06

Thank you, this is such a thoughtful response. I think this is exactly what I needed to hear, there's a lot going on at the moment and I think my brain just jumped straight onto the worst case scenario. I will try and have another chat when we're both a bit less stressed and see what comes from it.

OP posts:
Mrsgreen100 · 10/11/2024 09:33

may don’t start with sex , just some simple things, a shoulder rub , bath together.
whatever but take the pressure off the actual
deed and build up to it .

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