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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Weirdness and he thinks im always starting.

33 replies

Gels11 · 19/05/2024 19:30

My boyfriend is late 40s and has been on so many different tablets for pain since weve been together. Some of them kill his sex drive. Some make him tired all the time. Hes ready for bed at 7pm most nights. He wakez up groggy.

He has recently started having a joint again and i dont really like it anymore.

He was put on pregablin and taken off amitripline in the last few weeks. Ive started to notice the most pointless little lies with him and its giving me weird anxiety.

3 weeks ago i had sent him an asda shop. Usually he thanks me and lets me know its here. I sat waiting and waiting. Wasnt answering his phone. An hour after the slot he text and said sorry i had fallen asleep. 3 hours later im still awaiting a reply and at 11pm he finally rings me. He was sitting at his daughters an hour away. I thought this was really strange that hed ignored my calls. Didnt text back. Didnt let me know he was going out. Didnt care about me.

I went to his house last night. Hes a very tidy person. He takes care of his clothes and has a system with his washing. His wash basket was overflowing. I had a bath and went to grab some of his washing to go in with mine. He had loads of wet clothes in the basket and it had been folded so was clean. I asked why his clothes were folded and dumped in his wash basket going smelly. He had no answer really.

I then noticed his expensive and only coat wasnt hanging up in the hallway and hes so routined he will always hang it up. I asked where it was. He said it was in the wash basket. It wasnt! I asked him twice if hes lost it and he said not.

He has no money left until pay day now and i know him very well! He has some wash tablets left and he usually asks me to grab him some or pinches mine. There was a huge second box under his sink and a comfort. 2 months ago this happened too and he told a story of a box had been sent to his flat in a womans name. I didnt believe this because theres no intercom so you cant have parcels delivered to the flat.

Today he rang me and said he needed to go as was cooking and about to eat it. I text and asked if hed eaten. He replied no ive not been bothered and been laid on sofa all afternoon. I called him and pointed out hed either cooked or hadnt but why was he changing his story over cooking a curry. He started asking me why i was looking for an issue over curry.

I appreciate reading this i sound like an inspector. But this is all so weird.

I also had to clean his bathroom last night as it appeared to have sick on toilet rim and seat and it looked like green toothpaste in sink but his is white.

I really dont know if its the pregablin or if hes just turned really odd.

OP posts:
Gels11 · 19/05/2024 21:20

Thank you. Im guessing weed and pregablin may be a bad combination too.

OP posts:
category12 · 19/05/2024 21:23

Gels11 · 19/05/2024 20:35

Well the weeds reappeared this week. Its annoying.
Im only paying at the mo because hes gone from £3400 a month wages to £769 a month. Its not easy for him to survive and its sad as hes worked his whole life and is entiltled to nothing. His savings are now gone as hes used them to pay bills.

I like him for lots of reasons but id be lyimg if i said it was easy now. It sucks! Hes in pain. Hes depressed. Cut off from life waiting to get fixed and we cant go out much because hes broke and in agony.
But i dont like to think id be ditched if it happened to me.

No, indeed.

But perhaps disengaging to a point and creating some boundaries for yourself might be healthy - you can't go on indefinitely pouring money and effort his way. I mean, do you have this money just going spare?

I think it's a fair chance a lot of his new behaviour is due to the change of medication, so if he can be persuaded to have it reviewed with the doctor, that would be a good step.

Noseybookworm · 19/05/2024 23:11

You sound like the enabler in this relationship OP. You're doing his food shopping, giving him money, washing his clothes, cleaning his toilet 🤢 he's not a child and you're not his mother. He's mixing pain meds & weed and it's obviously not having a good effect on him. If I were you I'd be taking a big step back and letting him get on with it. His daughter can look after him. Stop being a mug and start putting yourself first!

justasking111 · 19/05/2024 23:20

Noseybookworm · 19/05/2024 23:11

You sound like the enabler in this relationship OP. You're doing his food shopping, giving him money, washing his clothes, cleaning his toilet 🤢 he's not a child and you're not his mother. He's mixing pain meds & weed and it's obviously not having a good effect on him. If I were you I'd be taking a big step back and letting him get on with it. His daughter can look after him. Stop being a mug and start putting yourself first!

This. Stay away

I'm sure he's in awful pain but he needs to be honest with his GP. I have physiotherapist for my spinal issues, he really needs a pain clinic referral.

Gels11 · 20/05/2024 05:54

I do understand all of your replies. I am unhappy and dont feel the relatipnship has any balance at the moment. I dont trust him currently because hes not telling me when he has this lad round.
I can afford to in some ways but not particuarly wanting to help with the level of effort im getting back.

He ignored my message last night. I dont think hes interested in my concerns.

OP posts:
HettySunshine · 20/05/2024 06:04

If he's so skint, how is he buying the weed?

Iaminthefly · 20/05/2024 06:21

@HettySunshine Probably with the money op is giving him.

Op, why are you pouring money and resources into someone who doesn't even answer your messages? He has no repect for you. You're a cash cow/unpaid cleaner.

leafybrew · 20/05/2024 06:29

Newyearoldhair · 19/05/2024 20:05

Pregablin sent me loopy. Like really loopy.
It just doesn't suit some people.

This -

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