How to move forward

[Cindy8910]

Please be kind.

So my husband told me today that basically if I don't lose weight that we are heading for divorce.

He told me that my weight is stopping us having sex and he can't be in a sexless marriage.

I am a size UK 18 and yes I have put on weight since having our child 6 years ago. I have also had some mental health issues which made me put on weight.

I obviously found what he said very upsetting. I work out 3 times a week and try and eat well. Not saying I don't always eat bad stuff. I find it very hard to lose weight.

Thing is right now I really don't feel like having sex with him and also, what if I do get myself sorted and lose weight. I don't even know if I could bring myself to have sex with him as I didn't realize he was so shallow.

He said he would never cheat but that's what happens when people put on weight. People usually do and everyone would see him as the one in the wrong, whereas I am in the wrong for letting myself go.

Any advice welcome

Excuse me, he said what?! That’s incredibly harsh and I’m sorry you had to hear that!

If YOU want to lose weight, then lose weight. If YOU don’t want to lose weight or don’t feel it is possible in your current circumstances due to children and/or mental health then absolutely don’t.

If he chooses to leave you for being you then you’ve dodged a bullet.

Darling with all due respect (and I know this is your marriage and you care for this person) but BIN HIM!!! Absolutely no one who genuinely loves you for you would say that. I'm sorry love, it's awful to hear but wow! You are worth so much more than that!

There's no way back from this. I'm sorry. I have been in a similar situation in the past, with the father of my eldest DC (now my ex).

He could have encouraged you to lose weight more sensitively but he's essentially given you an ultimatum. He is telling you he doesn't fancy you anymore.

I made it as far as "if I don't lose weight we're heading for divorce"

OP

Come the fuck on

Lose some weight - circa 14 stone of husband

He's nothing but a cunt

Bravo!!!!!

But if he married you anticipating a marriage that's included sex and the intimacy it brings is he wrong to be frustrated that you have changed the goalposts...? He obviously wasn't very tactful in his wording

..

Wow he said what!!??

I've put on weight since having my children and if my DH said that to me I'd tell him where to go.

Sending you a big hug. You're worth so much more than that.

You are overweight because you don’t prioritise a healthy diet and lifestyle. That’s all. Don’t blame your children, don’t blame anything else. You make certain choices everyday. The problem is you. And if you don’t want to accept that you won’t lose weight

I actually disagree with the prior posters. Yes what he said was hurtful but, if I was losing attraction to my partner because they were, sorry but, considerably overweight... I'd hope we had a close enough relationship for me to tell them. And vice versa.

Now I wasn't there so don't know how tactfully he said things of course. Also, does he take care of his weight and appearance? Or is he a big hypocrit?

Side note: its what we eat that determines weightloss. Might be useful to join a group like slimming world and go to the meetings for the support. Whether you stay with him or not.

How very tactless and hurtful of him.
I'd be saying ill lose weight if you go for attitude re-adjustment therapy. What a tool.

I agree with you. Hopefully he said it in a kind way but you can’t fake who you are attracted to.

Also I had to comment on this.

Did you actually read the ops post?
She mentions mental health struggles as part of the reason for weight gain (yes some anti ds increase your appetite).
She hasn't changed the goal posts, she's been ill. His marriage vows did include in sickness and in health, not tiktok thin or overweight 🙄