Husband left two months after baby born :(

[harrers]

My husband left our home two months after our son was born. We’d been together 7.5 years but recently had shut down emotionally and was not communicating. He seemed to struggle when our baby was born and most was left to me/ he even failed to do one night feed a week and missed the timings even though our baby was on a feeding plan due to weight gain concerns. He has been gone 3 months now and is staying with his parents and I hear nothing from them and he has been sporadic in seeing our son and won’t communicate with me. I am so hurt and cannot believe he can do this. He hasn’t seen our son in over two weeks since I said he needed to stop doing it at our home and take him out. Do you think there’s any hope of reconciliation? This behaviour is disgusting I know but I’m so sad for my son.

It must be tough for you. It sounds like he has mental health problems, honestly and the responsibility of a baby was too much for him. You can’t do anything about that and in fact you are probably better off without him creating an atmosphere around your son and your son would pick up on that. I would focus on your baby and think about facing the future without your husband. Your son won’t be missing out if he gets no attention from him anyway. In time it’s likely you will meet someone else who will step up and become a great role model. In the meantime enjoy your baby and tell yourself that you don’t need a man who is too broken to cope with a child.

Thanks. It’s so tricky because he’s not confirming what he wants ie divorce and it’s going round and round in my mind tbh.

If it were me, I'd do something drastic- I'd leave the child with him and his parents and bugger off on a looooong holiday. Then either he bonds, or he doesn't. But at least he knows one way or another what he wants moving forwards.
If being a dad is part of it or not.

Scary thing to do of course but I'd give him that one chance. If he doesn't step up big time to parenting when you're back then you know he's never going to be father material.

You claim cms ASAP either way.

Definitely start a CMS claim. Do that today

I strongly advise you don't do this.

My sister decided she needed to make her ex step up and left her dd with him for a weekend and didn't see her daughter again for nearly a year as they lied and said she'd abandoned her child, which she hadn't. She just wanted her loser ex to stop being a man child. Unfortunately for her while her loser ex wasn't interested in dd loser ex had rich parents who were. So they claimed abandonment and wouldn't hand dd back, not even for a simple visitation.

My sister eventually got her dd back and won full custody but yikes was it a long hard road.

Don't do this. I wouldn't leave a baby that young with someone who loved them, let alone someone who literally has shown they don't want them in their lives. Baby would be safer with a stranger. Only good point is to start claiming maintenance.

To be honest OP, mental health or not this would be a deal breaker for me. My kids are everything, to me and my partner. If that changes, no way will I have someone in their life who doesn't value them. Because I know that damage of not being wanted can do.

I'm sorry but there would be no coming back from this for me. He's abandoned you at a very vulnerable time and shown no care or consideration for his son. Neither have his family. They are all disgusting.

If later down the road he decides he is in a 'better place' and works hard to build up trust and a bond with his son I'd allow contact of course. But I couldn't forgive his behaviour during this time. He's let you down massively.

Sending hugs, it must be very hard for you right now.