Called police on ex. Did I do the right thing?

[chelsea912]

My ex had my 14 month old overnight for the first time last night. We recently split after 3 years together. I’ve never had a night away from the baby, I do everything, so it was really hard for me but I accepted it is how it is now. When I dropped baby off he wanted to chat to me but I wouldn’t engage so he got annoyed, but I just walked off to his annoyance.

He was due to drop baby back at 10am this morning. However at 10.20am after waiting anxiously since before 10am I text him asking where he was. He then called me saying what’s my problem he thought it was 10.30am and I need to get off his back about it, cos it’s not a big deal.

So I hung up as my new rule is not to engage with him unless it’s about my baby. He called me 6 more times to try and argue with me so I sent them to voicemail.

When he got here he continued the argument of “why won’t you talk to me” “let’s be adult about this, are you even an adult” - luckily I have it all on my ring doorbell.
As I went to his car to get my baby - as he didn’t bring baby to the house - he kept blocking my way to the car and then locked his car so I couldn’t get baby out. He said he wouldn’t unlock the car unless I had a discussion with him like adults.

I told him I’d call the police and he said go on then. He then followed me back to the house shouting at me and slammed the door - my kids (not his) were inside and it scared them.

So I called the police. He then got baby out of the car and bashed at the door, then walked around my house knocking on the windows (even opening my kitchen window fully) and even shouted up to my kids room to get them to let him and baby in.

Im really shaken about it but I also feel guilty. Did I do the right thing? I know he will be furious I did it and I also am someone who has never called the police on anyone or anything, so I’m mortified I had to have them at my house. I just wanted a normal drop off 😢

The police can’t do anything but have advised him to next time just drop off baby and not say anything - as I wanted him to do this time and all would have been fine 😭😭😭

I wouldn't bother with a breathalyser, it won't tell you anything relevant. However I would insist on a neutral handover venue from now on - meet him at a local shopping centre or something. Somewhere he will be immediately seen by public if he's making a scene. If he does this again then stop contact until he can provide an acceptable third party to do handovers.

Why would social services suggest all contact happens at a contact centre on the basis of one disrupted handover? That would be excessive.

It doesnt work that way

You should not be leaving your child with this man. Stop the contact. If he wants to see her he can go to court and get a court order - if you raised the drinking issue at court he would have to have a hair strand test so you can see if he is alcoholic. You need to stop the contact as he is not ok.

Realistically no he wouldn’t have to have a hair strand test if there is no actual evidence of an alcohol problem. Courts don’t just impose things like that on one person’s say so. His behaviour was awful but if it’s the first/only time it’s happened they would be expected by the court to come up with a solution between them. Going straight to withholding contact/demanding court is not going to be a good move for OP or reflect well on her in court.

Thanks all. I know that towards the end of our relationship his alcohol consumption was considerably less due to me enforcing that. However now he’s single and going out all the time I can’t say that he will not be drinking a lot again. I’m sure he will to be honest. But there really isn’t much I can do to stop him having our baby, I have looked into it trust me.

I haven’t stopped access even after all of this - I know he loves our baby - but I have told him his behaviour was unacceptable yesterday and that if this ever happens again I will have to consider revoking any further contact. He seemed to understand but I can’t trust his word so I will have to see how the next handovers go.

It seems now I am finally putting boundaries in place it just makes him even angrier with me. But I think the fact I did call the police shocked him - or I hope it did!

The whole thing has been exhausting and I am hoping this is the end of it. I don’t think SS will be involved as the police showed no concern over the matter and tbh I just hope we can sort things out between ourselves. It should have never escalated to the extent it did.