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Original poster

Is this plausible?

17 replies

OneLemonOrca · 19/05/2024 00:50

I’m seeing someone online and we’re due to meet next week. something feels off but I’m not sure.
This is in the UK. he works from 6am until 11pm. He is running on virtually no sleep. It would usually be less but he apparently has a project at work and a deadline. The project is confidential and only for a limited time. He has even been working on the weekends. We have virtually no time to chat. I didn’t realise it was legal to effectively force someone to work that much to meet unreasonable deadlines? I hardly know this guy so I don’t know if he’s lying or not. Does it sound possible?
I have tried to find his social media and can’t. Does he probably have a wife?

OP posts:
SammyScrounge · 19/05/2024 00:56

He does sound a bit dodgy. The work hours are silly. Having no time to chat with you also sounds dodgy. I'd day a wife or girlfriend.

Catname · 19/05/2024 00:56

I’ve had projects at work where I was working regularly 8-10pm for several weeks and till after midnight towards the end. It depends what it is that he does but it’s not beyond the realms of possibility.

Original poster
OneLemonOrca · 19/05/2024 00:58

Catname · 19/05/2024 00:56

I’ve had projects at work where I was working regularly 8-10pm for several weeks and till after midnight towards the end. It depends what it is that he does but it’s not beyond the realms of possibility.

Ok I accidentally said 6 until 11 but I meant he gets up at 6 and starts at 7 and then works into the night until he goes to sleep where he doesn’t get enough sleep in my opinion and he is just constantly working

OP posts:
SpiritAdder · 19/05/2024 01:01

Common in the military. Usually legal outside military so long as the person has agreed to the overtime hours and gets overtime pay. Definitely legal if he is self-employed or an independent contractor.

I think U.K. law is similar to the US in this respect?

I think it’s only certain jobs that have legal maximum hours for shifts with legal minimum hours for rest breaks- doctors, air traffic controllers, truck drivers, pilots.

SamW98 · 19/05/2024 01:02

Depends what he’s doing. I worked for an wealth managers and for 3 months around tax year end we worked 7-9 every day plus every Saturday due to sheer volumes.

Anotherparkingthread · 19/05/2024 01:35

You should probably check he doesn't have a wife/family that he's waiting until are in bed before he messages you.

EasterRose24 · 19/05/2024 07:40

I mean it's possible, short term at least.
But, with my cynical head on, is also a great cover story if he's a catfish or a scammer (especially the confidential part!

And if he has no time for anything other than work, why is he on dating sites making new relationships? Surely with his limited time he needs to be keeping up with his established friends and family.

It'll be interesting to see if he does actually meet you.

Rocknrollstar · 19/05/2024 08:18

From what I’ve read it’s common in big law firms or in the financial sector.

DatingDinosaur · 19/05/2024 08:23

It's possible. I know a corporate lawyer who can work hours like this when they're close to wrapping up a deal, particularly if it involved overseas clients. It was all confidential work until the dotted line had been signed.

Doesn't sound like he has much time for dating in all reality - he's not suddenly going to have loads of spare time once this project is completed. There'll be another one, then another one and you'll have to fit in round his work schedule. Always.

Or he could be spinning you a line and just wants a penpal he can pick up with when it suits him.

The question is, would that lifestyle and communication style suit you if you was to start dating?

Sparklfairy · 19/05/2024 08:24

What does he do? I'm SE and been referred for ADHD assessment. I never switch off and work never has an 'end' so it's not unusual for me to work late or hardly sleep at start at 4am. When the hyperfocus hits it's even worse. As PP have said law or the financial sector and others this is often expected.

I also don't have SM... but I have to say I'm also not OLD. It's not practical or fair on the other person to work such long and erratic hours and try and get to know someone new as well. If his life is genuinely like this, I'd be inclined to think he was 1) looking for something casual and 2) expecting you to slot into his schedule and be at his beck and call.

User364837 · 19/05/2024 08:26

does he have any social media presence? LinkedIn for example where you can see the kind of company he works for? I’d feel uncomfortable if someone had no digital footprint where I could do my due diligence and that would be quite unusual. Although of course it’s possible depending on line of work but uncommon.
if he is working so much when is he going to be able to meet you?
does he have time for a relationship and wouldn’t you prefer someone who has more availability? Even if he is genuine sounds like you won’t be seeing him much!
also if something feels off in your gut then listen to it. I would not necessarily cut him off at this point (I’d be too curious 😆) but definitely have your guard up

Cinai · 19/05/2024 08:27

Depends what he’s doing and if he’s self-employed. I worked crazy hours as a young, single, self-employed person. But the other question is, if that’s the schedule he chooses to do, it seems there would be little space for a relationship.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 19/05/2024 08:28

Well I’m an in-house lawyer and often work those hours, I don’t have social media really or at the least it would be nigh on impossible to find it without some serious social media scraping skills. Also 99% of my work is confidential. So it is plausible- but also not conducive to dating. I’m married. There’s no way I could work my hours and go on dates!

yellowsmileyface · 19/05/2024 13:48

It's plausible, but it would also be a good excuse for someone who's married/taken.

The thing is, if what you're looking for is a relationship, would your lifestyles even be compatible? Even if he's telling the truth, it doesn't sound like he really has the time to date. And even if this is a temporary project, how often will he have projects like this?

I understand the project itself is confidential but do you have any idea what he does, or what field he's in? Secrecy around profession strikes me as a red flag.

Turtletunes · 19/05/2024 15:08

Is he in consulting? My OH has done these long kind of hours and slept on the office floor before 😳, during a critical project on a client site. Not long term and he was in his 20s at the time, carving out his career. He wouldn't do that now he's in his 50s.

BlessedKali · 19/05/2024 21:52

Does anything else feel 'off' about him?

DrJonesIpresume · 19/05/2024 22:20

@OneLemonOrca Has he said what his job actually is?

He'll soon be telling you he works for the government and he's some sort of spy or secret agent...

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