I ended my marriage in November 2022. Ex H was abusive throughout - apart from the emotional abuse he would fly into terrifying rages, throwing and smash things etc. Actual assault was rare (not that that makes it any better) but did occur a few times (the worst being an occasion where he hit me around the head, leaving me with facial injuries including a black eye). So whenever the rage attacks occured (which was every few weeks by the end) I knew escalation into violence was a very real possibility.
The kids and I are doing really well. I’ve bought the family home, they are with me most of the time (ex has them only EOW), I’ve had lots of therapy as have the kids, have started a new relationship with a very lovely kind man, have a great new job. Life really is amazing post split.
However one thing I’ve noticed is that I have PTSD. The other day DD accidentally broke a glass and I immediately felt sick and felt the adrenaline coursing through my body. I looked at the broken glass on the ground and was immediately transported to the many times where exH had smashed plates, glasses, God knows what else into the floor. Last night I was watching that episode of Normal People where Marianne’s brother assaults her and before that he smashes a bottle on the ground and again I had the same reaction - sick, cortisol, anxiety spike. It’s not just smashing things either - . I was talking to my boyfriend the other day and he was watching The Crown in the background, the episode where Charles and Diana are shouting at each other and I had to ask him to turn it down as it made me feel so anxious.
Obviously things smashing or hearing arguments is not pleasant for anyone but this is a more visceral physical reaction and transports me straight back to exH’s behaviour. I can cope with it - I don’t let the kids see how I am feeling - but I’m observing it in myself and feeling a bit taken aback because I actually don’t remember having this reaction when I was living it. I assume because being screamed at and plates being smashed were normal for me so I was a bit disassociated? I actually think it’s part of the healing process, observing this reaction and my body realising we are safe now, but I’m interested to hear if anyone else has experienced a version of this after a long abusive relationship.
I’ve read The Body Keeps the Score btw!!