How important is sex in new relationship?

[TeamPrincipalFlutie]

I've posted on another board for advice on the sex side, but I'm wondering in general how important good, mutually satisfying sex is at the beginning of a relationship?

I've been seeing someone, who has been a friend for over a decade, for 6 months now but the sex is not great.
Both in our thirties. He does not seem too fussed about the issues with sex but for me it's a barrier to being able to feel proper intimacy.

I like this man very much but I feel as though I'm too young to settle for a mediocre sex life. Or am I deluding myself and actually it's not THAT important?

Can relationships progress on situations like this or am I best off calling it a day now?

It'd be a no from me. I've finished relationships because of it. I had. FWB and the sex was that amazing that it went on for 11 years. Normally FWB fizzles out way before then. Think you should broach the subject with him again.

It’s one thing to have issues but it’s another thing to not want to change or engage in any further discussion. As posters have said it probably is due to porn, there’s no point staying in this relationship when you’re unfulfilled, especially so early on.

A number of pp have suggested it’s because of a porn death grip but I once had a boyfriend, pre-internet and not a regular magazine subscriber, who had this problem. It was just a matter of allowing him to relax as he had performance anxiety. I made it a mission to make him come! Once that happened, the floodgates opened so to speak and it was no longer any significant issue.

Is alcohol usually involved as that has a delaying effect on some men?

The OP says the guy is taking Beta-blockers, this a frequent cause a sexual dysfunction in men - and is probably the cause here

It's not all about him and it's not her job to fix the problem for him, even if it was performance anxiety when he can't even be bothered to use his words to explain that.

He'd rather hammer away for an hour even know he isn't going to finish.

OP, you say he is taking Beta Blockers, presumably for a heart condition. This is the most likely reason he can't finish, as that's one of the side effects.You do need to have a chat with him about though, as l would have thought he would be aware that is the reason. Its unfair of him to be unconcerned about it and to fob you off with saying ifs just the way his body is if in fact it's the medication.

So sex is usually 2 hours long? Honestly that sounds exhausting and really boring, especially in those 2 hours neither of you orgasam.

I think you need to have an honest discussion, it's obviously an issue and unlikely to be resolved unless you discuss what might be going on and how you can both enjoy the sex more.

If you can't discuss it with him then there's no relationship, no future. Honest Communication is so important and if you guys don't have that, or good sex, what's the point?

I like this man very much but I feel as though I'm too young to settle for a mediocre sex life. Or am I deluding myself and actually it's not THAT important?

I don't think you'd be settling for a mediocre sex life, I think you'd be settling for a sex life that became intolerable and unbearable. PIV for an hour and he can't even finish 😐You'd probably stop wanting to have sex with him entirely and then he'd be complaining about a sexless relationship!

@TeamPrincipalFlutie

I think it's important in a relationship to be able to talk about everything and anything. And to listen to each other.
If sex is not working for either party - the other one needs to at least listen and try their best work on it. And that doesn't seem to be happening.

On its own - not being able to come from PIV is not an issue. Plenty of women can't finish that way. And it is not fair to make it about you. Or put pressure on the other person to finish in the way you want - so that YOU can feel OK about yourself.
However - 2 hour sessions must be exhausting. And if they don't work for you - I'd say something.

Finally - if as others mentioned your BF is on medication - that can of course affect his ability to come. When my partner was on antidepressants - he was like your BF. Could go for hours with no result. Often couldn't even finish by hand.
But we talked about it. And I did not take it personally. It was frustrating, no doubt about it. But in our case it was also temporary.

In general - your sex life is sounding dysfunctional. Maybe it's not fixable. But maybe there is a way for the two of you to be more open. And you tell him what you want him to do for you - whatever it is - shorter sessions, certain positions, etc. And explain to him that openness about intimacy is important and potentially a deal breaker.
But you also need to stop taking his inability to orgasm with PIV as a personal failure.

Porn

To me it's the most important thing

Thanks for all of the replies.
It seems I have a lot to think about now.