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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

First relationship in 30s+?

5 replies

candelabra93 · 18/05/2024 18:31

Hi MNers,

I'm 30, bisexual, and have never had a proper relationship. I appreciate that this is largely of my own making - I spent most of my 20s focusing on my studies and getting a foot on the career ladder (and to be honest, just wasn't particularly interested in pursuing a relationship). Then towards the end of my 20s, COVID hit, my father died and I started a new, more stressful (but very enjoyable) job.

I've had a fling with someone that I know through work. It's basically a situationship - we hang out, have fun, sleep together, etc. For various reasons, it's not going to work out (both of us are moving overseas in the next few months for our jobs and realistically, we haven't known each other long enough to commit to LDR). But basically, I really enjoyed the trappings of a relationship, such as it was - not just the physical intimacy, but the feeling of having someone to whom you were 'their person', IYGWIM. I also feel that I am a much more confident person who's really ready for a relationship. I've done a lot of work on myself and my confidence (which I think would have made relationships in my 20s pretty crap tbh).

I'm moving away in January, and won't be back in the UK until 2028. I'm moving somewhere where dating isn't really normal (except among expats) and so I don't expect to be back on the scene until I'm 35.

I know 35 isn't old, but I just wanted to know if any of you lot had experience with finding love in your mid-late 30s (and beyond!). I feel a bit embarrassed and shaken by the fact that no-one has ever shown any sort of romantic or sexual interest in me until now, and I'm a bit worried that this guy was a one off. And I'm also worried about what potential partners might think about my not having had any real relationship experience. Any anecdotes or experiences on finding love for the first time beyond your 30s would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
Jafferz · 18/05/2024 18:52

I think of the relationship I'm in now as my first proper relationship. I met him when I was 34. We've been together 8 years and have a DS together.

You only need one, if they're the right one!

Jafferz · 18/05/2024 18:54

Also what's to say you won't meet someone while you're away. These things aren't always predictable.

Opentooffers · 18/05/2024 18:57

Being bisexual, you have more choice happily, so it's probably only a matter of time. Why worry about what someone thinks of your relationship history? You don't have to go around telling people from the off. If you get ask just say you've seen people on and off, but have been focused on your career.

DearOccupant · 18/05/2024 19:04

I met my husband when I was 34, having never had a proper relationship before. Several situationships but nothing proper. I met him after I moved away to a new city actually. Very happy, married with children for a long time now. And yes, didn’t really discuss dating history and if we did I was just vague about details and it has never been a problem.

candelabra93 · 19/05/2024 11:41

Thanks so much everyone - you really have made me feel a lot better! There’s so much pressure to have had all of this sorted out in your 20s and it’s hard when I see almost all of my friends settling down and feeling like I’m behind. This has been really reassuring xx

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