Feeling so sad after FWB situation ending

[Otessa]

At the beginning of this year I met someone on an app who was charismatic and handsome. He was transparent that he wasn't looking for a relationship and I was ok with that. I liked him but also recognised that there were personality differences that probably meant we weren't that compatible long term. He doesn't live in my city but works here and we start having sex fairly regularly when he's here during the week. We would then cuddle and talk for a long time afterwards, sometimes about quite deep and personal topics. I thought I was doing pretty well at compartmentalizing it as "just a sex thing", even though I enjoyed his company and used to look forward to seeing him. I didn't in truth see a future with him because he's a bit conservative in some of his views, our hobbies are quite different and I found him a little bit ego driven too.

At one point he went away on holiday and we didn't talk for quite a while. Then he gets in touch out of the blue and told me he slept with someone. It hurt a bit and I asked him why he told me, we had not agreed to be exclusive so he could easily have kept it to himself. He said he was confused and thought deep down he just wanted a relationship but was using casual sex as a cover up. A few weeks later he ends up coming round and picking me up and taking me out to dinner, it was the first time we've been on a proper "date". After that he goes on holiday again back to his home country and all goes silent again.

Anyway I just messaged him yesterday and he said that he's seeing someone now.

I sent a gracious text wishing him well but
unexpectedly, I somehow feel completely emotionally devastated. Like been crying on and off all day kind of devastated. I'm going to miss him and also there's the horrible feeling that someone else has been picked over me.

This was my first encounter with anyone after a two year dry spell after I left a horribly abusive relationship so maybe it stings more because of that.

Thanks for reading. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for other than some comfort really :(

(Big Hug)

it still hurts. Whether you want them or not, you still want them to want YOU!! Human nature!

Relationships / FWB / FB

They're all complicated & inevitably you end up getting hurt. Knowing they're not 'The one' for you doesn't stop it hurting.

No real advice, but once I've found a way out of this one, I'm learning the lesson that it hurts & I'm NOT going there again. I always think I can avoid the hurt by going in with my eyes open 👀 but nah, impossible.

big hugs, just know that it will stop hurting, you just have to ride the wave until you get there!! Xx

Thank you! Sorry you've been there too. Yeah I think I may have learnt my lesson too.

The sadness is really quite bad. If we had just stuck to wine and shagging maybe it wouldn't have been so bad but he had started talking about relationships, messaging me more and took me to dinner, does make this feel more like a rejection.

I think this situation has also highlighted that I'm maybe lonelier in life at the moment than I was acknowledging, the emotionally/physical intimacy I was getting from him was quite important to me

Hi OP, I don’t really have any solid advice because a) I am terrible at relationship, and b) it’ll all sound very cliched. But..

Your feelings here are completely valid, and I also would be pretty devastated. Any romantic rejection really hurts, and it’s so easy to start a cycle of being self depreciating and wondering what is so wrong with yourself. But without knowing you, I can tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It’s just that for whatever reason, this was not the right situation. And if he’s not 100% invested in you, then it will never work out long term.

I completely understand how you feel. Been single a lot longer than you have, and definitely missing the physical intimacy. I did try a FWB situation, but it turns out that I just can’t do it without getting emotionally invested and of course, I also got hurt. It was 100% a learning curve though that that sort of situation wasn’t for me.

I wish you all the very best OP, but for the moment, do not give yourself a hard time for being upset. I think it's perfectly reasonable in the circumstances 💐

Thank you :)
I'm trying not to allow the narrative that there's something lacking in me to creep in

@Otessa please forgive yourself. BUT remember that these FWB situations often end with one party (normally the woman) falling in love

Next time don't let it happen. Tell the next man you want a relationship and MEAN IT. Hope I'm not flamed but don't have sex until you're sure. I waited 10 months with my guy as I wanted to make sure it wasn't just infatuation but something that could lead to lasting love

And it did! And he admires my strength and my respect for myself. Now cry and let this sadness envelop you for a few days after which you dust yourself off and move on. Good luck!

FWB situations ending are always going to be hard. I'm in one now and he really isn't dating material but I'd be really sad if it ended. Mine has been on and off for 11 years.
I feel for you

FWB are messy quite often. Sorry you are hurting over this.

He messed with you by taking you out on a proper date then pulled the rug from under your feet.

It’s shit, but you will move on.

Thank you everyone. Struggling so much with this 😔

He dicked you around and played games. It's normal to find that hurtful and confusing. Just know you dodged a bullet and try to move on. Oh, and block him on everything so he can't do this to you again.