How to get over serious limerance over hot school Dad

[HornyHornersPinger]

Help me ladies! I find one of the school Dads incredibly hot and have done for over a year. He's of course married, 3 kids and even if he wasn't tied down I know he wouldn't be attracted to me. But it doesn't stop me thinking about him daily, fantasising about him even if I don't see him for months. Have hardly ever spoken to him, it's purely all physical like an itch I can't scratch! It's driving me mad... Help!

Cold showers and train for a marathon? You'll be just as miserable but very fit?

Watch the Ashley Madison documentary on Netflix.

I think when people develop such intense crushes, it's usually because there's something missing in their life, and fantasising about someone fills that hole (no pun intended 😅).

You admit you hardly know him, and sometimes go months without seeing him, so it's not him you like, it's the fantasy. You don't have genuine feelings for him, it's just not possible without actually knowing someone, but it's giving you an addictive hit of dopamine that's feeding into the crush. I think the first step to getting over the crush is to really recognise this and accept it.

Secondly, I think it's worth reflecting on what's missing in your life. This person has become like a drug to you, and the trick to getting over addiction is to connect with the world around you and with the people who are in your life.

I ‘ve been there and I am going to agree with PP. I had a huge crush on a senior manager from work I hardly knew. I was married back then and in a dead marriage. The existence of this man gave me the dopamine rush I needed to survive. At some point he picked up on it and started looking back at me. I packed up and started working from home to avoid him.
I am now separated and happy. It kind of all makes sense because back then i was unhappy and I had kind of subconsciously picked up on infidelity from my ex. A crush/limerence is a defence mechanism of the body to boost dopamine and avoid depression.
To this day I still can’t explain why him? Ok I had a crush. But why him. It must have been something I picked up on him subconsciously. Now I just want to meet him because it will help me understand myself and what I want. Why him? What does he have that made me so attracted while I hardly know him?

I think it's the excitement of someone new. I've only ever been with 1 other man in 18 years, we split up in 2020 after 14 years together and have had a semi-functional fwb/coparenting relationship since then with neither 1 seeing anyone else. He'd get back together in a heartbeat as he still loves me but I'm just not attracted to him anymore 😔 I really wish I was because I know no-one else will love me like he does. But we still end up in bed every 8/12 weeks because well, I have needs, he's happy to meet them regardless. He'd be heartbroken if he knew I was lusting over the other guy when he was the one I thought that way about.

I can sympathise but for the time being I’d just go with it, you’re not doing any harm, like you said, he barely knows you, so you aren’t a threat to his marriage.

Someone above said limerance is a mechanism to stop depression and this has really struck a chord with me. There is someone that I think about constantly, that I haven’t even seen for years and years, but I kind of find it a comfort. Obviously I’d be mortified if anyone knew I felt this way, but whilst it’s safely in my own head, I know I’m not causing any drama.

And fantasising about hot school Dads is pretty normal isn’t it? Isn’t it?? As long as you’re not coming on to them and rubbing yourself against them at the nativity I think it’s quite normal and healthy to wonder what Amelia in Year 5 Dad looks like naked and whether he’d be good between the sheets. Whether you’re single or happily married I’m sure lots of perfectly sane women do this.

Think about things you can't stand that a lot of men do and imagine him doing those things.

Let your husband go tbh.. you're giving him false hope when youre pining for someone, something else.

Look into the reasons some people develop limerence. Apparently it can be linked to trauma, childhood or otherwise. Once you realise why you do it it sets you on the right path to stopping! There's a whole subreddit on reddit about it. I also saw a good cartoon that was making the point that nothing good can ever come of it - it is a short term dopamine (or similar) fix which will eventually lead to worse disappointment as it can't actually be realised and leave you in the dumps in the longer term.

You need to knock this on the head and let him move on. It's selfish behaviour to keep sleeping with him because 'you have needs' when you know he still loves you.

Nobody is forcing him to have sex with me. We get on well as we had a good relationship for 11 years before we had a child together so there is a good foundation there, we just don't work as a couple since we became parents. And I don't mean to keep sleeping with him but he's around, I still love him even if I don't feel 'in' love with him...

No one is forcing him but youre giving him false hope...no one is forcing you to allow him to have sex with you. Sex is sacred between a long term couple, its intimate, if it was me i would think if you were having sex with me you wanted us together as a couple..i would feel betrayed if not and i was not being told

A lot of lengthy fantasising and wanking would be the usual way to handle this? There's no harm in a healthy fantasy life. You know it's just a crush so feel free to enjoy it in the safety of your own imagination with some toys. No one's business.

Namechanged. I had this…badly! To make matter worse it was on the DH of a couple we are friends with and socialised with fairly regularly.

I felt like I was about 16 when I was around him. Embarrassingly I think my feelings were pretty obvious to him but he either felt similarly or decided to play a bit of a game because he flirted with me a lot. Not good and made the whole situation worse. I feel so relieved now that we didn’t have an affair but at one time it felt pretty close. Awful - it was like a kind of madness…I read up on limerence and it ticked every box!

my advice? See him as little as possible. Throw yourself into other stuff. It will eventually pass but you need to help yourself. Xxx