Am I a psychopath?

[AmIEnough]

Ok, yes that was ever so slightly hyperbolic! I will preface this by saying I have ADHD and so emotional disregulation is a common trait. I've been married three times and have been with my current husband for 12 years. hHe is a wonderful man, kind, generous etc. My issue is, I find it almost impossible to demonstrate any affection. I'm not tactile, I will actively avoid touching even if it's on the arm or giving him a hug. I've always been like this. He deserves so much better but I'm finding my behaviour is getting worse and worse and now I'm also in perimenopause it's worse still. I also find I have little or no empathy for other people. I find it really tricky. I know how to say the right things but I very rarely actually feel them so if somebody is going through a hard time. I might say the right things, but feel absolutely nothing. I guess I'm trying to establish if this is because of my ADHD or just a personality disorder , I just don't know? Please be gentle, I hate myself as it is. Thank you

Surely the label is less important than whether this is causing any issue in your life? Is your husband unhappy with your lack of tactility, for instance? Do you have sex? Did you ever? Are your relationships and friendships impacted by your lack of empathy? Some people, for instance, don't need you to emote over their cancer diagnosis, but would be happier with lifts to chemotherapy o some other form of practical help, or simply someone who listened.

I do not think your ADHD has anything to do with your tactility and empathy.

But, most importantly - i do not think you need to bear yourself up for how your mind works. You are who you are.

I presume your H knew how tactile you have been when you married. And over the years - he has stayed in the marriage and accepted you the way you were. Is he unhappy?
Have you talked to him about it?
As to peri - are you on HRT? Lots of symptoms can come with peri and we can become irritable and not easy to be around. I do think medicine has its place for our own sake and it helps relationships too.

As to Empathy is definitely something you have no control over. And people differ so much on that dimension. In addition - no one ever really knows how others feel it, only what they say and do.
So - as long as you give your friends/family support in the way they need/expect it - you are good.

I'm not certain that ADHD has anything to do with not being tactile.