Am I being unreasonable?

[XxSupaDadxx]

I'm in a situation where out blended family includes two siblings in mid 20's. They have lived at home and uni / travelling for the last 6-7 years and never really left home apart from the eldest. This is fine as we all get on most of the time but now my P wants to move the eldest son back in for a 'few months' while he saves up money I presume for another flat. I'm against this idea for a number of reasons but have offered to give / loan him all the money he needs. My last experience of living with him was v. stressful and ended up in full confrontation. We have an 8 year old daughter so really need a quite home not a semi shared 'student house'. Am I being unreasonable?

know It can be difficult living with adult family but I’ve always told mine that they can always come back home if they need to. May be explain that if there are any problems then they will have to find alternative accommodation. I know adult kids just revert back to children when parents are there. Good luck.

If you've offered him the money, I don't see how you could be being unreasonable. But is there more to his needs than this?

I think the key question here is whether you would let your daughter move back home in the same circumstances i.e. if you'd had a previous confrontation with her akin to that with your partner's adult son. If yes, then you are expecting your partner to treat his older child less favourably which is unreasonable. If you wouldn't let your daughter return then it is clearly about boundaries and what is/is not acceptable behaviour which is universally applied, and not unreasonable.

Why would his parent want him getting into debt rather than saving himself?

Will you do the same when your 8 year old is his age? Have a conversation about reasonable expectations but it is his father's? Mother's home.

What would you do if it was your dd when she was in her 20s and wanted to move home for a few months and has been difficult last time?

Thanks for all the messages - we've sorted it out. I'm moving out instead. Only joking!