I am out of my mind ?

[LJJWER]

Hi
New here !
Married mother of 3 here.
Woah where do I start?
Been together with my kids dad for nearly 17 years. We have been through a lot of big life events such at moving to and living in another country for a decade, moving back home, kids etc.
Since we moved back to the UK my husband is obsessed with moving back to abroad. He is incapable of finding and keeping a job which has been an ongoing trend throughout out entire relationship. He is 41 and I have never felt stable financially. The many many jobs always ended and I'm so sick of waiting around for things to change.
He was laid off in December (I had our third child in Octber) and it completely ruined my. I felt like we were finally getting somewhere and then it was gone....and so was my happy carefree maternity leave. I have never had a stress free maternity leave due to him leaving work.

Lately he is leaving me the majority of the house work and responsibilities with the kids. He is selfish with sleep even when he knows I've been up through the night and I don't don't he feels bad at all.
To make things even worse...when I bring anything up negative against him, he immediately says I am not giving him enough sexually and that I am not intimate. I'm feeling like why would I be with the way I am being treated.

He says he is finding it hard to make things work here back in the UK and that is true but at the same time, he is not willing to make any sacrifice to make it work. He has a job currently (done 2 shifts) and he's already complaining about it. To be fair it doesn't sound perfect but this is EVERY SINGLE JOB HE HAS HAD. Always a drama, always complaining about something or other.

He has threatened that we should split up and previously I have tried my very best to stop that happening for the kids, but lately I wondering if it might be best for everyone.

He voices how unhappy he is with life and on HE will end up overseas again and HE wants this and HE wants that. I'm so sick of the selfishness.

I'm scared. How will it affected the kids. How will I cope on my own with the kids and what's worse is I worry for HIM!! Isn't that a joke.

Currently talking to a therapist but looking for all the advice I can get....

Thanks in advance.

It sounds like you will be very, very much happier on your own.

I wouldn't stand for a man who can't keep a job. What's the longest he's stayed in one. Splitting up might be for the best, would he have the DC 50 50, or is he a can't be bothered type.

I think the answer is two fold.

Yes - he is a lazy and unreliable man. But it is your decision to have stayed with him and continue to have more children with him.
Why would you expect him to change after 17 years? And why bring yet another child into a an unstable marriage with a precarious financial situation?

In parallel though, it did strike me that you seem to expect that H is the only one responsible for the family financial stability.

Do you work?

In a way - it seems that he is mirroring your expectations, albeit while failing his side of the deal.

The OP talks about being on maternity leave so it's clear she works.
Very unhelpful comment re having children with him. What's done is done.
OP, leave him. It will be tough, but the best thing you've ever done. Get as much support from family and friends as possible. The kids will benefit no end from having a happier mum and a happier home. Good luck.

My only concern would be that if he went back abroad would you ever see any money from him?

OP’s herself is questioning her life choices in her title.
And sure - what is done is done. Kids are here. But it has not been a wise choice to keep expanding a family in their situation.
When, in OP’s own words she ’has never felt stable financially.’

As to what she should do now, I agree divorce is likely the best way forward. And certainly staying in the UK where she can rely on friends&family as well as social support.

Yikes hard to remember it's been so long but the longest was probably about a year...maybe a little more.

I have worked the entirety of our relationship. I was even working a full time job and a part time job at the same for 6 years of the time we were overseas. When we moved to the UK I had a job secured within 2 months and our 2nd was only 5 months old at this point. He was the one who wanted to move away, I did it. He wanted to come back, I did it. I have more than held my end of the bargain.

Not that it is at all relevant with regards to how many children we have but I fell pregnant whilst on the contractitive pill and since I have suffered miscarriage previously, it was not an option not to have her.

I don't think I expect anything to change. But he has always been very good at promising the world then not seeing it through.

He would want to split then equally but I question his ability sometimes. Maybe that's me being harsh. He doesn't cook, clean, get anything that they needs like clothes sorting things for school etc. I dread to think what his accommodation would look like.

It was not the plan to expand the family. Both with 2nd and 3rd child I fell pregnant whilst on the pill 🙈 and for me...not going through with the pregnancies was not an option for me personally. I do realise it is not ideal but being a mother is what I always wanted. I love my children so much and I believe that I am a good mother to them whilst receiving very little help.

Thanks for your input