It's a big deal to come off the pill.

[Mylaha]

I've also thought I wanted kids. I've been on the pill for a while.

I'm finding it a really big deal to come off the pill. It feels like a huge step and if I get pregnant, everything will change. I'm struggling to make myself come off it.

I just wondered if this is a common feeling. Or do most people just make the decision to come off it, then do it?

I am married. Finances are all fine. My relationship with my husband has at times been quite difficult.

Yes it's a big deal, but it should be in a good way. Your last sentence is your real issue and in a way is possibly the answer to your own question.

Interestingly I'm in this situation but second time around.
The first time, truthfully I never gave it much thought.
I agree with PP that it is a big deal but should be a good exciting way.
Having a child changes everything. It it wonderful but it can also be very hard.
Are you worried about your husband not stepping up if you had a child?

Getting pregnant will not make your relationship issues less difficut. Don’t stop using contraception until you are absolutely 100% certain that you want a child - not just a baby, but years and years and years of a child being at the forefront of every single day.

ETA I came off the pill at 29, after taking it since I was 16, and conceived immedirately. It may take a while, but it may not. Be sure you want what might happen!

Trust your instincts- there is clearly a reason why you’re reluctant.

Hi @YourWinter , but don't people say that no-one ever feels 100% 'ready' for a child?

There's a difference between not feeling ready to be a parent but going for it anyway because you might never feel ready and not feeling ready because you are in a difficult relationship

Not being ready to be a parent but going for it and putting an effort in isn't going to impact a child. Being in a difficult relationship with the child's father is.

A difficult relationship pre kids will become a nightmare post kids.

Tbh, many brilliant relationships don't survive kids. I certainly wouldn't bring them into one that's difficult. Call me old fashioned but imo the only time children become relevant is if you're in a happy, stable marriage. If that isn't the case, kids are a no no.

Tbh, I wouldn't have them anyway though xD Couldn't imagine finally finding the love of my life only to risk it all (and my health and my independence) for currently non existent kids.
Fuck that.

Hi OP, I was feeling very similar to you, I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant. Took me 10 months to conceive after coming off the pill I was on since a teen.

I'd say your feelings are completely valid. I had a range of emotions when deciding to stop the pill. It's scary, it's also scary when you get a positive test, it's a huge change. But only you will know deep down if you're ready or not.

I'm still nervous as hell but also super excited now. Xxxx

It could also be that I'm scared of change.

I think if you're planning a baby you should be a bit excited by the idea and looking forward to having a family. If you're not feeling that at all, then why would you do it now?

You say your relationship with your husband has been difficult. Is that all resolved? What have the difficulties been?

It was a massive deal for me when I was with my EXH, I came off it and was really scared (do I actually want a baby, I had no support around me, whats going to happen)

I tried to talk about it with my husband and the cracks that were there between opened up massively, he basically didn't care I was worried, said I'd made my bed n all that, became pretty cold, and when I asked him not to finish inside me one time because of all these fears, he went and did it anyway.

Think that was the end for me, the man I was going to have a baby with had no respect for me, I didn't fall pregnant and we split not long after. I'm now childless and happy.

First thing you need to ask do you want a baby? Second do you want it with your DH?

Put it this way when I came off the pill I was scared like you are but at the same time I was beyond excited and so was my husband like two giddy school kids and basically all our conversations were about having a baby like "can you imagine if I get pregnant this month that quickly we will have a baby by Christmas" and both of us getting all excited about it and laughing. So scared is normal but you should be filled with excitement. We also talked about all practical stuff like how long will I have maternity and would he want time off and things like that.

If you don't feel excitement at the idea of a baby then please don't.
It's OK to also feel nervous and even scared, but that shouldb't be the overwhelming emotion.
Sometimes our bodies and emotions are warning us not to do something.
In this case it seems that might be obvious - please don't bring a baby into a 'difficult' relationship. It won't make the relationship better - it will almost certainly make things worse, and it isn't fair on the baby.

I felt 100% ready to get pregnant. Didn't give it a second thought. (Maybe I should have done!)
If your relationship isn't good, you may be holding back for that reason. Your self preservation instincts are working!

I delayed coming off the pill for about 3/4 months because it seemed like a massive step. I almost had a mental list of all the stuff to do "potentially one last time" before getting pregnant. Ticking those things off genuinely did help me get ready.

Although it was still a big change when I got the positive test. Happy, but also confronting and I was a bit shell shocked for most of the first trimester!

You need to elaborate on the difficulties with your husband in order for people to give you meaningful advice. But no one is going to advise you to bring a child into a difficult marriage.

Ok. As some examples -

My husband is often impatient with me for no good reason. This can make me feel rubbish and I worry he will be worse with a baby.

He tells me he loves me, but I don't think he likes my body. I have gone up a dress size since we married (I'm now a size 12/14), so i have put on weight. He frequently talks about how important it is to stay in shape, so that there's attraction in a marriage. I feel like if I have a baby, I will lose control of my figure and will feel judged.

He said that if i have a baby, my mum can't come and stay for a week two months later (she lives far away) - but I expect he'll allow a few days.

So he thinks it’s ok to comment negatively on your body, tries to control your weight and contact with your family and who you can have to stay in your home.

I would not have a child with someone like this. I wouldn’t even be with someone like this.

Do not bring a baby into this relationship. I would seriously consider your future within it given your examples of how he treats you.

Why are you with him at all?. Is he all
you think you deserve from a relationship?.

Stay on the pill and lose the horrible man.who made him boss?

Normal to be a mix of nervous, excited and apprehensive when coming off the pill I think.

However the difficult relationship bit doesn’t sound good at all. You will be at your most vulnerable and you need someone who supports you completely and forms a strong partnership with you - you need to be a team.

Are you absolutely sure you want to be in this relationship?