Friend's ex husband messaging me

[N3wU53rNam3]

I'm on an OLD site, not really active but there nonetheless. Last week my friend's ex husband sent me a message. I responded out of courtesy, asked how they were and they sent subsequent messages and then suggested they were looking for a FWB and had considered asking me, I didn't respond and they sent a further message to say they should probably apologise for their last message. I responded by saying let's just leave it there and they have replied with understood. Should I tell her? I feel like I should but don't know if that is stirring trouble, they're still very much entwined. Most bizarre why he would do this.

Exh? Nah just block him.

He is your friend’s ex husband so is free to look for other relationships. It is none of anyone else’s business, even his ex wife’s. If he links up with a new woman, ex-wife may find out and or he may tell her— this is a normal part of moving on from an ex and will help them dis-entwine.

Thanks needed some perspective, I just don't know why he had to drag me in to it. I think blocking him is a good idea.

I wouldn’t. I’d just think it was closed now and that would be the end of it.

I wouldn’t tell your friend. It wouldn’t bring anything good to do so.

You know what he is like now, so just block him and move on. I’m sure your friend had a lucky escape from this guy!

He's your friends ex so l can't see the problem. He's free to date now he is single. There's no need to mention it to your friend, he asked, you didn't reply and he apologised so that should be the end of it.

Well actually going against the grain slightly here

How recent?
Do they still live together?

He’s an exH.
He’s allowed to go on dating sites, he’s no longer with your friend.
Why on earth would you go running to her to tell her he’s contacted you via a dating site? Presumably he already knows where you live etc.

It’s really good you sent him on his way! You are a good friend and need more women like you around!

You've sent him off with a flea in his ear, I don't think you need to tell her as they are not together.

He's obviously a creep though and she probably knows this already!

Don't mention it. There's really no need.

@JustFrustrated They divorced a few years ago, but still do a lot together, they went on holiday last year and spent Christmas together etc. I totally agree it's fine for him to move on, I feel they both need to, but I don't think he should have dragged me in to it. Maybe this is normal behaviour and I'm thinking way too much in to it but I now feel like there is a secret and by not saying anything to her I am being deceitful. However it seems forgetting about it and moving on is the normal thing to do.

Because he's thinking with his nether regions and, possibly thinking he'll "get one over" on his Ex, your friend. You re right to have nothing to do with him, and made that clear. Now block him.

BTW screenshot a copy of your conversations in case you need an audit trail in the future. 🌹

i'm not sure it's because he is looking to exact some sort of weird detached revenge.

i suspect he's just thought "what's the least-effort way i can potentially get a shag?" - ex's friend - bingo.

I think for most women this would be the end of the friendship. So if you value your friend's company then you did the right thing x

@DaffydownClock He does know where I live yes, if he'd turned up at my address I would have called her straight away to say wtf can you believe this. I mean is it normal behaviour for friends exes to rock up at ones address when they're looking for a fwb? Thank goodness most my mates are either in long term relationships or long time single.

Screenshot the messages to cover your back in case he tries to drop you in it then block and forget

He's her ex. It's none of her business.

He's single. He's not cheating on anyone.

He's got just as much right to be there as you have, and you're doing the same thing for the same reason as he is.

Or ... Are you very pleased with yourself and thinking of crowing about it to her?

Because you think it will upset her?

This is odd.

Thanks good advice @Newestname002 and @itsgoingtobeabumpyride I have blocked and taken screenshots, let's hope I never need them.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you hear subsequently that he is having a thing with another of her friends. With no disrespect to you, men who are looking for FWB often employ a scattergun approach; your friend’s friends are easy targets.

No I see your dilemma OP.

You’re just a tiny weeny bit damned if you do etc. They’re still very interlinked so while yes it’s absolutely right that he’s not done anything technically wrong, by approaching the close friend of his ex wife he’s definitely being a little shit. It’s not cricket. So you end up either MENTIONING it because you think, well they’re still very linked so I want to be upfront with her, and then running the risk of looking like you’re taking it too seriously or even worse ‘crowing’ in some way (!) OR - you don’t mention it because of all the above which is also technically fine then she turns round in a month and says ‘Oh ex said you were in contact on dating site. Why didn’t you tell me?’ And then you look like you’re hiding something. Aaargh. All probably easily resolvable with a chat of course, but argh.

anyway he’s clearly a little shit so that’s good to know.

My friends ex is on dating apps and he’s messaged just about every single woman we know to try and chat them up.

We've told her but only in a ‘that idiot is off again’ way. She knows exactly what he’s like

Silly bastard told her we’d all messaged him first - tosser

I'd definitely block and move on. You could say something but no good will come from it. He's probably doing it to get his ex jealous so don't add fuel to it.

Hopefully that will be an end to it.

I would be mindful that (unfortunately) some people are total shit-stirrers and enjoy triangulating and causing drama

and he might end up conveying to your friend that you were chasing him or you were "discussing" sex as if it wasn't him doing the chasing/instigating. Often women then take the side of the man in the situation.

So just being prepared for this. You may just want to detach and grey rock a bit depending on how close you are to friend, etc.

I don't think I suggested he had no right to be on the dating site, or suggested he's cheating, or that's he's in a relationship. I was merely asking advice as to whether or not I should tell my mate about him messaging me, because I take issue with him messaging me testing the water with regards to being fwb. His first message was you look familiar, please please please don't mention this. I mean why even message me, he could have blocked me so I'd never know he was on there. I only know him because she's my mate, I'm not his mate, my loyalties lie with her and I feel he's trying to form alliances with me by sending those messages which is why I wanted advice on what I should do. You might think that's odd, I don't. I think it's odd that you think I am either say he's cheating, has no right to be there or I'm crowing and wanting to seek pleasure in upsetting her. Not everyone in the world is an arsehole!